“Any more confessions you’d like to share today, Mr. Campbell?” I straighten my suit abjectly, ignoring my spat of unprofessionalism.
“No, Ms. Holliday.”
“Good, please see our receptionist out front for an appointment later this week to go over your statement.” Mr. Campbell scurries out of the room and I wonder if I have finally lost my mind. I’m caught between a rock and a hard place with nothing good to come from any of this. May God forgive me. May Roman someday forgive me or maybe never learn of this.
Sitting back down, I pick up my phone and send Roman a text message.
Hey, sailor, sorry I missed your call. I was in a client meeting. On my way now to meet Leah at the salon and spa for our appointment.
Roman: I hope you’re not working too hard. Enjoy the spa. I’m at the bar with Gary watching a Seahawks game. Missing you, Hollywood. xoxo
Missing you more.
Roman: Impossible.?
And isn’t that the crux of it all….
Chapter Eighteen
ROMAN
A month.
Another fucking month without her. An entire span of thirty-one days and thirty lonely nights without her, doing the same shit day in and day out to make the time pass. I don’t know what is starting to hurt more, the ache in my chest or my empty arms at night with nothing to hold except a cold deflated pillow. Abby is the other half of my soul, the good half of my mirror that shows all the potential in life just waiting for us. She is my gift despite my fuck-ups as an unruly teen and an angry young man, which I don’t deserve and refuse to question.
I can’t wait to get back to her. After the last screw up at the marina, I decided
to take off and head back to Gold Beach before I made another long-ass drive to California, cruising in Abby’s sporty little car. I can’t wait to see her face light up when I reunite my baby with her Platinum Platypus.
Using the hands free mode in my truck, I call Maddie to let her know I am on my way back to Gold Beach. October is a pretty time of year along the coast, if a bit rainy and cool. Not much can be done about that, and I focus instead on the long stretches of highway miles slowly diminishing between us. In less than forty-eight hours, I will see Hollywood again. I’ll hold her in my arms and make crazy love to every part of her I can get my hands on. By the time I roll up to my house, I see Maddie sitting on the porch with a cup of tea in her hands and Bella sitting at attention next to her. I park my truck and hop out, grabbing my duffle bag over my shoulder.
Woof! Woof! Woof! Bella dances around my feet, excitedly half jumping in greeting and spraying sand in the air with her paws.
“I swear that dog doesn’t belong to Darrell the way she hangs out here.” Maddie gets up from her spot and hugs me, kissing my cheek. “So good to see you, Roman.”
“Glad to be back, even if it’s just briefly.” Walking inside my house, she surprises me in her usual Maddie way. The kitchen is lit up and prepared dishes of food cover my kitchen counter. “Busy?” She never ceases to amaze me with her generosity. Pleasant smells comfort my empty belly.
“For my favorite part-time resident? Never busy.” Maddie’s cheeks dimple like plump apples from up state.
“I needed this, thank you.” I pick up the lid and find a nice chicken stew with dumplings bubbling away. Grabbing myself a bowl, I dig in to the hearty fare, and Maddie hands me a freshly opened beer from my fridge.
“How is she, Roman? You never did say what’s been keeping her away.” She continues to putter around my kitchen, using a towel to clean up the counter that already shown from her care.
Blowing on the hot soup before taking a spoonful, I respond between bites of food that melt in my mouth. “Complicated things. Her job, Dad, and mostly her sister now. She has cancer. Stage III, and Abby is beside herself with worry.”
Gripping my arm, she says, “Oh, my heavens, Roman. I’ll say my prayers for her and mention it in church this week. How awful.” I take my bowl and walk away, pacing and eating small bites.
“Yeah. I don’t really know what I’m going to find when I get there. I’m kind of scared, actually. This is all kind of new for me.” We’re looking out the large windows listening to the surf when Maddie speaks again.
“Scared of what?” She comes to me and puts her hand over my arm, stilling me from eating my worries away temporarily.
“I’m scared she won’t be the same girl I met here and fell in love with. I’m scared she won’t love me back. I’m scared I don’t know what love really is…” Maddie rubs my arm reassuringly and goes to the refrigerator, pulling out love in a dish… a turtle pie.
It’s my favorite and quite possibly the reason I let Maddie get away with giving me her sage advice, whether I always want it or not.
“Roman Winters, that girl loves you more than anything else. She just needs you to be there for her. Anything in life worth loving is worth taking the risk for. Love was never meant to be an easy journey; otherwise, you’d never appreciate falling so hard. Nobody knows what love is because words can’t describe that crushing feeling in your chest when you miss someone or how their scent leaves you turning around in places just for a glimpse of them when they’re gone. God, or whatever higher power you believe in, my dear, is giving you the opportunity to learn what love is.” She taps me on the shoulder and I know she’s got my back on this.
“I know that here,” I say, pointing to my chest, rubbing the ache in my heart from not having Abby right here with me these past few weeks. “But the rest—” I wave my hand in the air, trying to hold back the lump in my throat “—God, that’s the hard part. Every day apart and every phone call just makes the aching worse.”