“Doubt that'd make a difference,” I quipped, dropping down to straddle a seat at the same table that his upper body was now half laying over, face planted into the wooden surface and his arms covering his head.
“You’re fucking pleasant this morning,” he grumbled, voice muffled. “No fucking idea why. Thought for sure you must have got some last night.”
“Don’t start,” I warned, levelling a scowl at his bent head. I wasn’t getting into this with him again. His head lifted, chin settling onto the littered table top as his inquisitive gaze focused on my face. “What?” I bit out, in no fucking mood. I had my own head laying into me about Riley, I damn sure didn’t need his input on top.
“You two still just messing around?”
My jaw tightened. “It was none of your fucking business last time you asked and it’s none of your fucking business now.”
His brows raised slowly. “She’s a friend, Ren, always has been. If you’re just going to fuck her over, I’m not okay with that, man.” My fists clenched; he clocked my reaction. “Look,” he said, raising
up from his sprawled position and laying one arm casually over the back of his chair. “What you’ve gone through, Ren? Fucking horrendous, shittiest hand of fucking cards ever dealt. And I’ve got your back, whenever, whatever. But Riley? She looks at you like you hung the fucking moon… always has. Even when I didn’t want to see it. Even when she didn’t want to see it. She deserves better than being a convenient fuck buddy, man. And you damn well know it.”
I couldn’t argue with him. She deserved better. I might still love her. Fuck that… I knew I did. But I had no intention of giving her anything besides sex, and even then, she was getting too close. I could go back now, walk in there and end it. Except the thought of it—of not touching her, kissing her, or sinking into her warm heat again, of not burying my face in her hair and breathing her in as she slept in my bed, limbs tangled with mine—bothered me. Like really fucking bothered me. Twisted up my insides until I could hardly fucking breathe, until my stomach wanted to heave, and my damn chest felt like it might cave in. My breaths came faster as my mind grappled to figure out a way to keep her in my life a while longer.
If we were both happy with things as they were, then what the fuck was the problem? She seemed happy. I was okay, for now. I just needed to remember to keep it casual: no more sleeping over, limit it to a few nights a week. And keep my damn heart out of it. I could do that. The pressure behind my ribs eased. Keeping it casual was better for both of us, anyway. We were young. Nobody wanted to tie themselves down at seventeen. She had her whole life ahead of her and she was damn smart. She would leave for college in a few months. No matter what either of us felt now, it wouldn’t last. People broke off and went in different directions. How was this different from what every other teenager on the planet did?
“We’re both good with how things are. I'm not fucking her around, Le, I’m not sleeping with anyone else. We’re happy to keep things light.” My tone brooked no argument.
I’d rationalized what Ri and I had, what we were doing, and I’d put an expiration date on our relationship. One that was necessary—so I didn’t start expecting this thing to last forever—but wasn’t today or tomorrow, or anywhere close to imminent. And, apparently, it was one I could live with.
Leon looked at me, his expression dubious, then lowered his gaze to his phone as it pinged. “You sure about that?”
Flattening my palms on the table for leverage, I pushed up from the chair and cast him a hard glare. “What the fuck do you want, Le? A goddamn marriage proposal? Christ, I’m eighteen, not thirty-five! We’re having sex. We enjoy it. It works for us. So back the fuck off.”
He held both hands aloft, his head bobbing as he conceded, “Okay, I hear ya, don’t get your damn panties all wadded up, princess. Now, sit the fuck down. Danny just texted. He and Jase are on their way here. If I’m fucking relegated to the trailer, might as well make use of it. You in?”
The anger evaporated and the tension that had gathered across my shoulder blades fell away as we slipped back into our normal roles as friends, rather than one asshole and one fucker perched on his moral high ground. Dick.
“No Mack?”
Le grimaced. “Dude’s in a world of pain right now.”
A grin formed. “How is it that a fucker that massive can’t handle his drink?”
“That ain’t the worst of it. Dude’s gonna have to schedule a trip to the nearest STD clinic. Crazy motherfucker hooked up with Ash last night… bareback!”
My brows rose. “The fuck...?”
Le shrugged, grabbing a garbage bag from beneath the counter and holding it open at the edge of the table with one hand. He attempted to swipe all the crap into it with his bent arm. About half scattered either side, landing on the floor. I sniggered. He shot me a scowl.
“Wanna fucking help, man? Standing there like an ornament... make yourself useful.” I bent to retrieve an empty soda can, dropping it into the open bag with a flourish. “Yeah, stupid fucker could barely see straight. Now, there’s a vindictive bitch who’d get herself knocked up on purpose just to ruin someone’s life. Mack’s beyond shitting it.”
I scratched at the scruff on my jaw, a deep frown etched into my forehead. “Damn. This happened at Danny’s place?”
“Yeah. After you’d left. I told him, I said what the fuck, dude? You always suit up before you go into battle, and especially with those hoes. I fuck ‘em, but I bring my own damn protective gear.”
I nodded in agreement. Neither one of us could say we hadn’t gone there with Raya and her groupies, but we weren’t stupid about it. I’d never had sex without a rubber. My brow furrowed. Until Riley. I’d had sex with Riley without a condom. The one and only time. I scrubbed a hand down my face, wiping the memory. Or lack thereof. I still couldn’t remember most of that night. It was the morning after that I’d realized the monumental fuck-up I’d made. Not using protection had been the least of my worries. I’d acted like a fucking animal, and I should have taken better care of her.
“Ren?” My head bounced up, my distracted gaze meeting Le's curious stare.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“You in?”
I palmed my phone, my fingers tensing around it. I wanted to shoot a text off to Riley, not just bail with no word. Scratch that, what I wanted to do was slide back into my bed beside her, spread her thighs and drive into her from behind. But I wouldn’t do either. Letting someone know where you were, waking up beside them and picking up where you left off before you fell asleep together, those were the things couples did. We weren’t a couple. We weren’t going to be. Nothing lasted. Didn’t matter how much you wanted it to. This might not end today, but it would end. It had to end. “Yeah, I’ll stay.”
Ten minutes later, Danny and Jase showed up in Leon’s car, hollering to someone across the park. I craned my neck until I could see out the window behind me. Riley. My throat dried up, my groin tightening instantly. Still clad in short shorts that made her slim tan legs look a mile long, and the loose tank she’d worn yesterday, she was a fucking sight. I wondered if she’d bothered putting the bikini on underneath. I couldn’t suppress a groan as she strutted past the window, stopping with a cocked hip once she reached the guys.