CHANEL
I sat on the balcony as the sun hung high in the sky. Ana was sitting silently with me, sipping on the last mimosa she would enjoy on the ship. Even though I had woken up before the sun, I wasn’t ready to get off the ship. If I left too early, I would run into Luke, but if we left at the time our level was meant to leave, I would run into Rhett. So, I decided to stay cooped up in the room, my mind coming to a standstill as Ana kept me company.
“You feeling okay?” Ana asked.
“I feel empty,” I said.
“I’ll take that as better.”
“Why would you take that as better?” I asked.
“Because last night, you were a blubbering mess.”
“Point taken.”
“You ready to get back to the grind?” she asked.
“Not really. I haven’t updated my blog in days. People are wondering what the hell happened to me.”
“What are you going to tell them?”
“Honestly? I don’t know. I don’t know about anything anymore. When I was in high school, I was dead set on getting out of Miami. I didn’t want to grow up here and make my life here. I went to New York, loved college. Got an internship with The New York Times, and then guess where I ended up?”
“Right back home,” she said.
“Right back in the one place I wanted to leave. Ana, I live forty minutes away from the house I grew up in on the outskirts of a city I felt I didn’t belong in. But after being in a state that opened its arms to me and helped me to create a life for myself, I came back. Why did I do that?”
“Because you missed the hell out of me,” she said.
“I’m serious. Why did I come back to this place?”
Ana sighed as she scooted her chair closer to me on the balcony.
“Because, sometimes, a girl just needs her home.”
“This place never felt like home. It doesn’t even feel like home now.”
“Then maybe your idea of home is wrong,” she said.
“What does that even mean?” I asked.
“Maybe you’re expecting to feel a specific emotion when home resonates with you a different way. You say you don’t like the city, but something draws you back to it. Maybe it’s not the people, and I don’t blame you there. But maybe it’s the familiarity. Maybe home for you isn’t about peace or serenity. Maybe it’s about being familiar with a place. The routine of it all. Knowing how it flows and ebbs.”
I closed my eyes and allowed her words to hit me deep.
“Come on. Let’s get off this ship. We can go back to my place if you aren’t ready to go home yet, and we can figure out what to do from here. The point is, this cruise is done, and we can put all this shit behind us,” Ana said.
“Okay. I’m ready,” I said.
We grabbed our things and headed down the hallway. The ship was almost deserted as we made our way to the front doors. There was a small line of people making their way off the ship, but I didn
’t see Rhett in it. I sighed with relief as Ana and I made our way downstairs but, before I could even get off the damn ship, I heard a voice that made me cringe.
It was Evelyn, and she was at my side in a flash.
“Did you talk with Rhett?” she asked.
“Why the hell would I do that?” I asked.