“Come on, let’s get you back to my place. A bath, some wine, and that Chinese takeout place you love can keep us company tonight.”
“How will I find him?” I asked.
I turned around as Ana flagged down a cab for us to get into.
“Let’s leave those questions for tomorrow,” she said. “Right now, let’s get you back to a place that’s familiar to you. Get you into your routine. Get you feeling like you’re at home again.”
I felt empty. Broken. Confused. Ana loaded my bag into the trunk as I slipped into the cab, my forehead falling against the glass. I knew the truth. I finally knew the truth about everything that had happened. And now, when I needed Rhett, when it mattered the most, he was gone.
He was gone and I had no earthly idea how to find him.
I felt broken and scarred like I could drown my sorrows in the tears flooding my vision. But more than that, I felt alone.
My heart had been jump-started by Rhett’s smile, and now I couldn’t tell him how I felt.
I couldn't tell him that I loved him too.
CHAPTER 34
RHETT
I was at home, alone in the confines of my apartment as I beat myself up. I replayed the week of the cruise in my mind, trying to figure out what I could’ve done differently. I should’ve shoved my way into her room. I should’ve discarded my gut feeling to leave her alone and forced her to listen to me. It might’ve been a screaming match, and it might’ve hurt Chanel initially, but it would have put us in a better position. I knew once she heard the truth, even if I had to go find Evelyn to tell her, it would have made things better between us. It would have given her the proof she needed that I really hadn’t cheated on her all t
hose years ago.
Maybe then, she would be with me instead of wherever the hell she was now.
Now, she would never know the whole truth. She would live her life thinking the first man she had ever given herself to had betrayed her, broken her heart, shattered her world, and cheated on her. Though I’d convinced myself I must have done it since I didn’t remember one way or another, it still hadn’t sat right with me all these years. Yes, I’d always felt inferior to Chanel’s ambition and intelligence. Yes, I’d always felt that she’d deserved better than me, but I hadn’t subconsciously cheated on her to get her to leave me and go live her life.
And now, Chanel would never know that.
I understood why Evelyn had never come clean, but I was still angry with her. Had she told someone – anyone – it could have gotten back to Chanel. It could have repaired what had been broken that night and maybe we could have made it. The trust we had established still would have been there, and we could have made something work long distance.
Had Evelyn just come clean, none of that shit would’ve happened and we would still be together.
Anger started to mount in my chest. I turned everything around in my head, pulling it inside out. I was analyzing everything and trying to figure out if there were clues I missed, signs in high school I could have used to convince Chanel that I hadn’t betrayed our relationship. I felt my fists clenching as my legs locked with frustration, but the ringing of my cell phone pierced my thoughts and interrupted the angry drain I was spiraling down.
I reached into my pocket to grab my phone and saw it was Tommy calling.
“Hey,” I said.
“Still wallowing in your self-pity?” he asked.
“What do you want?” I asked.
“Let’s tone down that anger for a second. I’m unpacking my things.”
“You’re just now unpacking?” I asked. “It’s been, like, a week.”
“Yes, I’m just now unpacking, you dick. Did I leave my cologne in the hotel room we stayed in after the cruise?”
“You did. I was wondering when you would call about it.”
“Why the hell didn’t you call me?” he asked.
“Not my cologne. Not my problem.”
“You need to get laid. You’re pissy when you haven’t been laid.”