Lula’s pace toward Carter and Bear’s table slowed. Had she really been clinging to that old awkwardness for so long? Yes, it had been an uncomfortable situation, but it was just a kiss. And it was years in the past. She should have let it go long ago and stopped rearranging her life to avoid a man who had once been a good friend.
It made her wonder what else she was clinging to that would be better off left in the past…
“Hey, there you are!” Carter’s handsome face lit up as he spotted her across the room. He stood, pulling out the chair between his and Bear’s. “Come on over and have some coffee.”
Lula forced a smile as she reached the table and allowed Carter to scoot her chair in beneath her. “Hi, Bear, how are you?” Her pulse picked up as she turned to the other man.
But there was only kindness in Bear’s blue eyes. “I’m great, Lula. Glad you could join us.” He looked genuinely pleased to see her. There wasn’t a whiff of tension in the air, making Lula feel even sillier than she had a moment before.
“Bear and I were just catching up,” Carter said, reclaiming his seat. “He said he could loan us equipment to go climbing later this week. What do you think? You up for a climb? Maybe Tuesday after work? I think we’re supposed to get a break from the cold weather.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Lula said, the thought making her anxious. “I’m so out of shape. I haven’t been climbing in years.”
“We could start with something easy, maybe the south side of the butte near Old Town.” Carter turned to Bear. “What do you think? Is that still a safe climb?”
Bear nodded as he devoured a strip of bacon in two chomps of his strong jaws. “Yeah, that’s a good one. There’s been some erosion since you left, but it’s still solid. Or you two could do the cliffs on my parents’ property. That’s where I’m taking my newbies these days.” He turned to Lula with raised brows. “No offense.”
“No offense taken,” Lula said, pausing to thank the waitress who had stopped to pour her a cup of coffee. “I’ll probably be worse than when I was a newbie. The most strenuous activity I’ve been up to for the past few years is carrying plates of dirty dishes to the kitchen.”
“You’ll get in shape fast,” Bear assured her kindly. “You skinny ones snap back quick. It’s the big lugs like me that have a hard time dragging our butts up a mountain if we sit out too long.”
Lula ordered a boiled egg and toast and ate while Bear and Carter compared climbing stories. She nodded and smiled at the appropriate times, but she had no stories of her own to share. Not only had she not been climbing since shortly after Carter left, but she’d also gradually stopped hiking the desert trails they’d loved, given up horseback riding with her cousins, and backed out of camping trips with her extended family. Bit by bit, her life had narrowed to her shop, her apartment, and her hobbies, with moments of forced fun when she felt obligated to host a party or book club event.
As she sat listening to stories of Bear’s New Mexico adventures and Carter’s harrowing expedition in the Alps, she realized she’d barely left her house or shop in close to four years. She was more than a hermit; she was a shut-in.
No, she was a shut-out.
She’d shut out life without realizing it. After Aunt Louise’s death, Lula had been committed to staying on the straight and narrow. But instead she’d put herself in a straightjacket.
The thought made her throat tighten and her hands shake, as she added “climbing with Carter” to her calendar for late Tuesday afternoon and fought Carter and Bear for the breakfast check.
She was still shaken when Carter walked her across the street to the shop, so thrown by the sudden, sobering perspective on her life that she didn’t want to go inside. The cozy shop that had been her refuge just this morning now seemed like a prison, a trap that would suck her in and never let her go.
“What’s wrong?” Carter asked, his hand resting on her lower back as she worked the key into the door. “You’ve been awfully quiet.”
Lula shook her head, not knowing what to say. Carter wouldn’t understand. After all, he hadn’t stuck around to suffer the aftermath of what they’d done. He probably didn’t even know that Aunt Louise was dead.
“Louise died,” she blurted out, before she could think better of it. “Aunt Louise, the one with the gnomes.”
“What? When?” Carter asked, his brow knitting in sympathy.
“The night we stole the statues from her yard,” Lula whispered, swallowing against the lump rising in her throat. “She had a heart attack on her porch and died on the way to the hospital. Her funeral was a few days after you left town. And that’s why I don’t have any Christmas gnomes, just normal ones,” she babbled on, her voice growing increasingly strained. “I always loved those stupid things and wanted to honor Louise’s memory by getting a gnome or two every year, the way she used to, but the Christmas ones just make me want to cry.”