“Then let me take care of you both. I don’t want anything to happen to you. Move in with me. If you won’t marry me so my child has my name, then at least move in with me so you’re both provided for.”
She wondered if he even knew that he was nearly pleading with her. As vehement as he was that he could never give her what she wanted or needed from a relationship, he seemed just as determined to tie her to him.
She let her hand slide down his arm until she caught his fingers and laced them with hers. “If I agreed to this, I could never respect myself. If I have a daughter, I want her to know she never has to settle for second best or nothing at all. If I’m going to teach her to be strong and resilient and self-reliant, I can hardly have settled in my own life.”
He tensed again as if to argue, but she squeezed his hand. “No, listen to me, Cam. Neither of us wanted this. We sure didn’t plan it. Think about what you’re doing here. Our emotions are heated. Neither of us are thinking straight. Don’t do something we’ll both regret. That speech you gave me three weeks ago speaks to the heart of you. That’s what you want. Not marriage. Not the inconvenience of a wife underfoot when the last thing you want is commitment. Because you know what? Sooner or later I’ll resent you for not being able to give me what I want. And it’ll eat away at me until I hate you for it. What kind of environment is that for our child?”
His lips thinned. He looked as though he wanted to argue further. But he remained silent, his hand in hers as they stared intently at each other.
“I’m willing to let it go for now,” he said grudgingly. “But there are things that I will want to do to ensure your safety and you’re just going to have to deal with it.”
She lifted an eyebrow in question. “What on earth is your obsession with safety? I can’t live in a bubble. You can’t hover over me for the next eight months.”
“The hell I can’t.”
“What are you so afraid of?”
It was the second time she asked the question and for a moment she thought he might actually respond.
But he went silent again, his eyes darkening.
“Will you at least let me move you into a more secure apartment?” he asked.
She shot him an incredulous look. “What’s wrong with the apartment I have?”
“It opens to the street. There’s no security. The steps are dangerous, particularly in winter.”
She blew out a frustrated breath and shook her head. “There’s nothing wrong with this apartment. And by the time I’m bigger, winter will be long gone. I like my apartment. I like the location. This is the area where I want to try to start my café. Besides, I can’t afford more than what I have right now.”
“I don’t give a damn what you can afford.”
“Well, I do. I can’t just halt my life and allow you to sweep in and take care of me until the baby’s born. What would I do afterward?”
“I wouldn’t just quit because the child was here,” he said in outrage.
“Please just stop,” she begged. “We’re getting nowhere. I’m tired. I’m stressed. I honest to God want to go to bed and cry.”
He looked horrified by the possibility. Instant regret flashed across his face, and she knew, she knew deep down, that they weren’t really the two people who stood here so volatile and on edge. They had been pushed beyond their endurance. The past weeks had put enormous strain on them both. They just needed time. And distance. A better perspective. Anything but standing here in her apartment arguing endlessly.
“I think you should just go now,” she said gently. “We both have a lot to process and we’re both too raw to have a sane, intelligent conversation. We’re going to have a long eight months together. Let’s not start it off by arguing endlessly over details.”
“I’m sorry,” he said gruffly.
To her surprise he pulled her into his arms. She rested her forehead against the hollow of his throat and closed her eyes.
“I didn’t intend this to happen,” he said in a quiet voice. “I would have given anything at all for it not to. But it’s a reality and it’s something we must both come to terms with. Like you, I want this child very much. I have to know you’re both safe. Grant me that at least.”
She nodded against him before pulling away.
He grimaced and checked his watch. “I didn’t bring dinner as I said I would. I was in too big a hurry to get here. I know you’re tired and upset, but perhaps we could order in and have a quiet dinner together.”
“Would it offend you if I only wanted to crawl into bed and go to sleep? Fatigue is killing me so far.”
He looked as though he might argue and then he simply nodded, touching her cheek before he walked past her to the door.
Eight
“So when exactly were you going to tell me the news?” Devon asked in an irritable voice.
Cam turned to find his friend leaning against the door frame of his office.
Even though they shared a suite of offices, Cam hadn’t seen his friend in quite some time. With his other partners, it was understandable—ever since they’d gotten married, Rafe and Ryan spent most of their time overseeing projects on their respective islands where they’d settled with their wives. But Cam had to admit that he’d avoided Devon ever since the night he and Pippa had left Ashley’s housewarming. Pippa was very good friends with Ashley, and Ashley was nothing if not intensely loyal. She’d probably already filled Devon’s head with all the ways in which Cam was a first-rate jerk.
Cam sighed and motioned Devon in with a wave of his hand. Devon ambled forward and dropped into one of the chairs in front of Cam’s desk.
“Well?”
Cam swore under his breath and took a seat in his leather executive’s chair. “Well, what? I’m sure you know the whole bloody story by now. With the way Pippa’s avoiding me, you probably know more than I do at this point.”
Devon raised an eyebrow. “Avoiding you? Don’t tell me that fatalistic charm of yours is an epic fail?”
“Charm has nothing to do with it,” Cam bit out.
“Evidently.”
Cam sighed. “Did you just come to put the screws to me or do you actually need something?”
“More like I was wondering why my best friend doesn’t bother to tell me he knocked up my wife’s best friend.”
Cam winced and closed his eyes. “Christ, Dev, you think I set out to do it on purpose? You of all people should know this is the very last thing I’d ever want.”
Devon slowly nodded. “Yes, I do know. Which is why I found this all a bit strange.”
“It was supposed to be a one-night thing. I was attracted to her. She was attracted to me. Things kind of came to a head the night of your housewarmin
g and we went to my place.”
“You brought a woman back to your cave? I knew you had the hots for her but didn’t think you were serious about taking her back to your place.”
The utter disbelief in Devon’s voice annoyed Cam. It wasn’t as though the decision was earth-shattering.
“It made no sense to drive back into the city and get a hotel or go back to her place when my house was a quarter mile away.”
“Of course,” Devon said mockingly.
“Whatever,” Cam muttered. “The point is, this was not planned. In fact, the effort was made to prevent it. Unfortunately, the damn condom broke and here we are, both about to be parents. She isn’t any more thrilled about it than I am. I mean, with the way it happened. Hell, I’m making it sound like neither of us wants this baby. We do. We just don’t agree… Well, we don’t agree on anything so far.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Devon said sincerely.
Cam waved the sympathy away. It did him no good at this point. “Have you seen her? Has Ashley said anything about her at all? She’s avoiding me and it’s starting to piss me the hell off.”
Devon cleared his throat. “Pippa was out at the house the other night. She’s pretty upset at the moment.”
Cam sat forward. “Upset about the pregnancy? Has she changed her mind about having the baby?”
Devon held up his hand. “Slow down. Nothing like that. As far as I know, she’s taking the pregnancy very well. Things aren’t going so well for her business plans, though. Apparently the lease she’d signed for her shop fell through and she’s not having any luck finding anything else suitable. She’s on a pretty tight budget, and now with a baby on the way, she’s starting to panic.”
Cam swore long and hard. “Damn fool, stubborn, mule-headed female. All she had to do was agree to marry me. Or move in with me. She had options. A hell of a lot of options.”
Devon stared at him like he’d lost his mind. “Marry you? Move in with you?”
“I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I’m obviously out of my mind. But damn it, Dev, all I can think about is what if something happens? Something I could prevent? I just need…”
“I know, man,” Devon said softly. “So what are you going to do?”
“Hell if I know,” Cam muttered. “What is there to do? She doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me. At least, not yet. And I’ve tried—really tried—to give her the space she seems to want and need, but I’m getting impatient here. I’ve tried to call her. Arrange dinner. She always has something else to do. She was supposed to tell me when her next doctor’s appointment is but so far I’ve heard nothing. I need to know she’s safe and is taking care of herself and the baby. How can I do any of that when she won’t agree to see me?”
“Try letting go of the past and stop allowing it to overshadow every single thought and decision. You can’t change the past, but you can sure screw up your future.”
Red-hot rage clouded Cam’s vision. His fingers curled into tight fists and he sat there, refusing to even look at his friend because he knew Devon meant well but he also knew he’d do or say something he’d regret if he wasn’t careful.
How the hell could Devon possibly understand? He wanted to tell Devon that he wouldn’t be so quick to give advice if something happened to Ashley and their child, but he couldn’t be so cruel as to even make Devon contemplate such a future. He wouldn’t do it to his worst enemy.
“I’m sorry,” Devon said, regret heavy in his voice. “No one expects you to ever forget. I just think at some point you have to be willing to move forward and take a chance again.”
Cam nodded curtly, still refusing to look Devon’s way.
“Look, if it’s any consolation, Pippa is mostly devoting her time to trying to get her business started. Ashley’s been helping her come up with ideas. I doubt her avoidance is personal. She’s stressing because now that she’s pregnant, she feels even more pressure to get her business off the ground so she can provide for her child.”
“She wouldn’t have to stress if she’d just accept help from me,” Cam growled.
“Have you offered? And I mean in a no-strings kind of way?”
“Maybe my mistake is in asking her. It occurs to me that when given the opportunity to say no, women will, if for no other reason than to be contrary.”
His mood brightened considerably as he warmed to the idea that had just taken root.
“The trick is not to ask but just do. Wouldn’t you agree, Dev?”
Devon gave him an uneasy look. “You’re on your own, man. Don’t ask me to get involved. I’m not going to help pave the way for you to have your nuts painfully removed.”