It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. I’m not nervous about being here anymore. They have done nothing but make me feel included, even with this interrogation by the teens.
But now there’s a new little seed of doubt planted in the center of my belly.
I don’t belong here.
“Okay, there will be no background check,” Seth says as he walks into the room and sits next to me. “Did you guys know that Remi was on TV?”
“Of course,” Sarah replies, almost insulted that Seth would think otherwise. “We’ve watched her. It’s so cool.”
“Dad won’t let me ride my bike downhill,” Troy mutters.
“You ride it downhill all the time,” Seth says.
“Not down the mountains, with jumps and obstacles,” Troy insists.
“You’ll break your neck,” Jillian calls from the kitchen. “I like keeping you around.”
“I won’t break my neck,” Troy says with a stubborn frown.
“Personally, I think that some of the things you do here on the ranch are way cooler than downhill biking,” I inform him.
“Like what?”
“Riding horses, fly-fishing, riding snowmobiles, ATVs, hiking. Just to name a few.”
“Those are fun, but not thrill-seeking,” he insists.
“I don’t know,” Josh puts in. “It was pretty thrilling when I ran into that mountain lion when I was fishing last week.”
“Remi and I ran smack dab into a grizzly when we were stuck up in the park,” Seth adds. “I don’t recommend that you guys go out and find wildlife, though. Please don’t do that.”
The conversation ebbs and flows from my own experiences to the different animals the kids have seen, and after everyone has helped clean up, and it’s time to go, I’m folded in for hugs.
“Please come back again soon,” Jillian says.
“Thank you,” I reply, not committing to another family dinner quite yet.
Troy and Nancy leave together, hand in hand. I see the others share a glance when the door closes behind them.
“Soon,” Zack mutters. “I’ll talk with him soon.”
“Thanks again for inviting me,” I say with a wave. “Have a good night.”
Seth and I walk out into the cold Montana night and hop into his truck. He fires up the engine, and I turn to look out the window.
I feel…lonely. How could I just spend three hours with so many people and leave feeling lonely?
Because I don’t belong here. I don’t know how to act or what to say. I don’t know what it is to be around people who show so much love. Who want to be together and actually look sad when the night is over.
I’ve never had that.
Maybe it’s too much, too fast. Maybe I just need a little time away from Seth to sort through my feelings and put some distance between us.
When Seth comes to a stop in front of his house, I hop out of the truck and walk inside behind him.
He’s whistling.
He’s happy.
“You know what? I think I’ll gather my things and head back to the campsite tonight.”
He stops and turns with a frown. “Why?”
“Well, you know, I’ve been here for a while now, and I don’t want to impose. I really should just get out of your hair for a few days.”
“You’re not in my hair.” He props his hands on his hips. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I swallow hard and shake my head. “Nothing’s wrong.”
“Did someone say something mean to you at my parents’ place when I was outside?”
“No, not at all. Everyone was really nice. You’re right, they’re good people, Seth. And the food was fantastic.”
“So, no one was mean, and you had a good time, but you’re going to leave?”
I lick my lips, frustrated. “I know it might be hard for someone like you to understand the words I need time alone, what with you always having fifty-eight people around at any given time. But I want to go.”
I grab my purse and turn to the door. I can get my other things later. Right now, I just want to go.
“Stop. If you leave right now, I swear to God, I’ll spank your ass.”
I turn slowly and stare at him as if he’s lost his mind. “I beg your pardon?”
“I didn’t stutter.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “We’re going to have this out, and then, if you’re pissed and can’t stand the sight of me, you can go.”
“You can’t just keep me here.”
He sighs in frustration and pushes his hands through his hair, paces away, and then holds those hands out at his sides.
“Why are you so frustrating? Just talk to me, goddamn it! Tell me why, after a nice evening with my family, you’re ready to run away.”
“I’m not running away.”
“Then what exactly are you doing, Remi? Because it looks to me like you’re running.”
“I don’t belong here!” His face loses all emotion at my outburst. “You have this amazing family, with so many great people in it who love you so much, Seth. There was so much love in that house, I expected to see little cartoon hearts floating in the air.”