“You want to share a pitcher of beer?” he asked her, and she nodded—while she flushed at the idea of Johnny as her man.
Would she ever marry? She’d always thought so. Especially after her mother had died, leaving her virtually alone in the world. But now...
With Jackson...
She’d been raised by a single parent. Her father had died in Desert Storm before having a chance to marry her mother. Her grandmother, too, had been widowed young.
Maybe it was a thing in their family, a history that bred strong women who stood alone. That could explain why she’d felt so cramped when Mark had gotten so needy. So possessive. He’d have married her in a heartbeat. And her heart just hadn’t beat faster for him.
Putting down the menu he’d been studying, Johnny dropped his hands on top of it and looked at her.
“What are you having?”
The question was familiar. Casual. Asked dozens of other times, in other eateries, as they’d traveled around the southern half of the state. No reason for it to seem so...intimate now.
Or to start caring about how they appeared to others.
He’d told his parents he was helping a family.
Which she and Jackson were. A family.
So why had she hoped, for a second there, that he’d mentioned her, in particular?
His parents’ good opinion wasn’t anything she’d craved, certainly not before now. She’d love to meet them, but only to know Johnny better, because they were such a huge part of his life.
And maybe she wanted them to like her for the same reason.
While she continued to stare at her menu, he was still waiting for her dinner choice.
She knew better than to think she could be part of his life forever. She didn’t even want to be. Not the life he was going to return to.
If she hoped now and then, or imagined what it would be like if he opted to stay in his little house rather than move back to wherever he really lived, that was strictly her own business. A fantasy she quickly turned away from.
She’d looked him up on the internet once. There hadn’t been much about him, not that she’d found at a glance, but she’d seen that his father was powerful enough to be lunching with senators.
“Did you decide?” When his question came again, she realized she hadn’t answered him yet.
“I know you aren’t dating during your sabbatical,” she said when she looked up at him, although she’d meant to say, “Steak salad.”
He nodded. “That’s right,” he said. “Doesn’t seem like I’d be honoring my wife if I started a relationship with someone else.”
She leaned toward him, then realized how that might look. Still, she didn’t want to be overheard. He glanced out toward the ocean, brought his gaze back to her and then sat back, an easy smile on his face. “You can’t decide what you want to eat?”
“Steak salad,” she told him, dismissing the comment she’d been about to share with him. It was their way. If one backed off, the other followed.
It was how they worked.
“Why did you mention my lack of dating?” He still held his relaxed pose, but his gaze was kind of intense. “You interested in someone?” He grinned then. A grin of sorts. “Because, you know, if I’m getting in your way or...”
“No! Oh, my gosh, Johnny, no!” Her hand was on his arm where it lay on the table. “Sorry,” she said, pulling back. “I didn’t mean to be so loud.”
He scanned the patio, seemingly unconcerned, and their waitress returned with their pitcher of beer and two iced glasses. Johnny poured expertly, giving her a filled mug with almost no head. He ordered for both of them. He knew what kind of dressing she wanted on her salad and knew to ask them to leave out the peppers. She liked that.
Too much.
This whole being-close-to-Jackson thing while not being able to just go and get him was making her nuts. The way she’d overreacted when he’d said they should hold off on putting in Chrissy’s application. She’d jumped to the crazy conclusion that he was done with her and...
She was messing up her relationship with Johnny and that was the last thing she wanted.