Paul had been too focused on his goals to be aware of the lovely coeds around him. Focused on his goals—and on Laurel.
“But it’s not just sex?” he asked softly, seriously.
Shaking her head, Laurel tried to explain what she didn’t understand. “It’s like I’m desperate to be close to you. And there’s nothing closer than sex. The thought of sharing that with you makes me feel safe.”
“Safe from what?”
She didn’t know.
“Are you afraid of something? Has someone threatened you? This Shane, maybe?”
“No.”
“So why safe?”
“Safe from losing you, maybe.” She picked her own piece of grass. “I don’t know.”
“So it’s not desire you feel, but some need to stay connected?”
“No.” She could feel her face burning and was glad he couldn’t see that. “I definitely feel desire.” And then, because she was being completely honest with him, she added, “Like I’ve never felt before in my life.”
The words fell baldly into the night air and hung there, suspended.
“What about Paul?”
“Not even with him.”
What was the matter with her? Being more turned on by Scott than she ever had been by his older brother was beyond transference. How could you transfer what hadn’t been there to begin with?
There was no movement beside her. If not for Scott’s warmth making her nerves crawl with anticipation, she’d have wondered if he’d left.
“It’s okay, you know.” Her throat was dry. Too dry. “I didn’t tell you this to put you on the spot or make you feel like you have to tell me you feel something, too. I just wanted to explain why I was so out of line last night. And to apologize.”
“I told you earlier today that you have no reason to apologize for anything.”
“My behavior was inappropriate to the point of insulting.”
“It was flattering.”
It was her turn to say nothing. She was too busy trying to pull a breath past the tightness in her chest.
“You didn’t have me at gunpoint last night, Laurel,” Scott said, his voice soft but completely sure. “I could have said no at any time.”
“So why didn’t you?”
“Because the pleasure was so excruciating, I couldn’t deny myself.” Before she could figure out what to say, he continued. “Because after dreaming of something like that happening for so many years, I didn’t have the strength to stop you.”
Her insides were on fire. “Oh. Then...”
“And because I knew that it was something that wasn’t ever going to be my right to enjoy.”
“But...”
“I killed Paul, Laurel. It’s my fault the man you love is lying in a grave instead of in bed beside you every night.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
LAUREL FLINCHED BESIDE HIM. “You know that’s not true.”