“Hey, if you want a show, I charge,” he laughs.
“Why haven’t you covered that thing up or gotten it removed?”
He frowns. “Why in the hell would I do that?”
Oh, my heart.
He seems genuinely confused as to why he would. My brain is working fast as I reply, “Well, I doubt any girlfriend you have is happy to see another girl’s name tattooed on your chest, unless her name is Meredith, too.”
Noah laughs. “Yeah, most don’t like it, but they usually know going in that I have it.” He shrugs. “I’ve only had one ask if I was going to have it covered or removed.”
“Really? I would’ve expected more than that.” I pause, my hand returning to my lap as his shirt springs back into place. “Do you regret it? Your mother warned you, and we both told you it was a bad idea.”
Yes, I told my then-boyfriend he was a crazy idiot to get my name tattooed on his body on his eighteenth birthday. Did I secretly love the idea? Yes, then and now. I still thought it was dumb for the sake of the unknown future. When I begged him not to get it, he laughed it off, reminded me how much he loved me, grabbing my hand, and then dragging me to the tattoo parlor. Nothing, and no one, could change his mind.
The doors are closing and we’re preparing for takeoff. Noah ignores the sound of the pilot speaking and then the flight attendant as he leans over.
“If I regretted it, do you think I would still have it?” he whispers.
“Maybe,” I answer weakly, hope beginning to surge through me. “You know, as a reminder or something.”
“It is a reminder.”
Right. Of course it is. A reminder that I broke his heart. He probably kept it so he wouldn’t fall for someone like me, or fall for me again for that matter. I turn my head to look out the window. It hurts too much to look at him and I feel embarrassed for briefly having hope.
A shiver rocks my body when his lips move against my ear. “A reminder of the best time of my life and all I lost.”
Because I walked away. Because I wanted to see what the world had to offer aside from Noah, and how could I do that if I was constantly trying to find time to see my boyfriend when I was playing tennis and he was in college playing hockey? I loved him, but I was always with him. I couldn’t shift through my memories without Noah being in every single one of them those last two years of high school. I needed some without him. That’s what I thought, anyway. I thought I needed to shift my focus away from him completely if I was going to become a professional tennis player. To this day, it remains one of the hardest things I’ve ever done or dealt with.
Looking at him will be too hard, so I don’t. At least, not for a few minutes. Not until we’ve been served drinks, and it’s only because I’m a glutton for punishment and because I miss him.
“How are your parents?” he asks.
“Good. To this day, Mom and Dad like to remind me that I was stupid for leaving you.”
He laughs. “Can you blame them? Look at what you’re missing out on. Especially now. I’m kind of a big deal.”
I laugh and shake my head at him. “Why are you asking, anyway? I know you talk to them.”
r /> Finally, I’ve surprised him. “I didn’t think you knew, and I wasn’t sure if you would be okay with it.” He hesitates before adding, “Does that mean you know all about my life?”
Why would he hesitate? Is there someone he doesn’t want me to know about? Or, has something happened that he wants to keep from me? “No,” I answer him anyway. “They just say that you call. Do you want to fill me in on what I’ve missed?”
“Not until you have. What’s the plan for Raleigh? You said you’re going somewhere new on a whim, but I’m finding it hard to believe. You always have a plan, Mere. Always.”
“Not this time,” I whisper, turning to look back out the window. He’s right. I always have a plan, but my plans blew up in my face and now I’m lost with so much uncertainty in my future that I can’t stand it. I can’t even come up with a new plan; I’m too lost to figure out where to start. Hell, if I’m honest with myself, I don’t even have the want or will to make a new plan.
“Where are you staying? Do you know how long you’ll be here?” I love his ability to change the subject when I need him to.
“I don’t know to both.” I lean my head against the seat, but turn to face him again. “I honestly don’t have a plan. All I did was wake up this morning, pack a bag, and buy a ticket. I didn’t think too far in advance.” Other than wanting to see Noah at some point. Never have I done something without excessively planning it first, which is why Noah’s jaw is about to fall off. “I’ll find a hotel until I figure things out.”
“You booked a flight without even having a place to stay? All you have is that carry-on?” He stares at me, concern clouding those brown eyes. It’s like he doesn’t recognize me anymore and he probably doesn’t. I don’t even recognize myself. Noah flips my hand over on the armrest and intertwines my fingers with his. “What the hell happened, Mere?” His voice is so low, so tender, and so worried. His gaze scours mine as if I’ve hidden information in them for him to find. “This is so out of character for you. Is it more than your injury? Is it...is it something with your,” he swallows hard before finishing, “former engagement?”
“Leave it alone, Noah,” I quietly beg. I force myself to glance away from him. There’s a chance I could blurt everything out if I let those eyes get to me. “I’m fine. Doing something new and spontaneous doesn’t mean I’m a mess or that I’m crazy.” Except in my case, it means exactly that.
He stares at me for a long time and I know he doesn’t believe me. “You’re staying with me,” he eventually says.
I pull my hand from his. “What? No, I’m not.” That would be a bad idea. The worst idea. Yes, I came down here to hopefully get back together, but staying with him wasn’t part of that. I can’t do it, even if part of me is begging myself to accept his offer.