It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask her if she wants help, but that feeds into the fact that things aren’t right between us. Would it be so bad if I didn’t do that? It could backfire, of course, but I’m willing to take the risk. I walk all the way into Bree’s room, sit on the arm of the chair, and return the smile Bree gives me.
I take her from Raelynn, rest her on my chest, and keep the recliner rocking as I begin to hum to the tune of “Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep, little Bree.” Over and over, I hum over her baby babble until she grabs a fistful of my shirt sleeve and begins to relax. She still fights it a little, but she’s asleep soon enough.
Raelynn tries to make her escape as we step out of Bree’s room, but I grab her hand before she can get too far away from me.
“Elias,” she sighs.
Her sigh isn’t getting to me this time. “We need to talk.”
“Fine.” She pulls her hand out of mine and walks downstairs. She sits as far away from me as possible. “First, you try to push me away just in case I want to be with Henry. I still don’t understand that. I don’t want to be with him, and I thought that was clear. Even if he came back into my life as the nicest guy I’ve ever met and told me he loved me, I still wouldn’t want to try and make it work. He’s even told me that he still loves me, Elias, and guess what? It doesn’t change anything! Because our priority is on Jackson.”
She stares at me and waits for a reaction. I’m trying to process the fact that he has told her he loves her still.
“When did he tell you that?” I ask.
Raelynn sighs and shakes her head. “That’s not the point, but if you must know, I flat-out asked him when I left here after we argued about it.”
“I’m sorry about that, okay? It felt like something I needed to do, to mention, in case you didn’t have closure yet. I know I mentioned that other stuff, but it’s not like I wanted you to get back with him, but,” I sigh, “I don’t know. I’m an idiot.”
“Yeah, you are,” she grumbles. “And then you snoop through my laptop, Elias. It’s not like you looked through my phone, which wouldn’t work for me either, but this is much worse than that. At this point, it’s as if you read my diary. It’s that personal, Elias.” Silence cloaks the air and just as I’m about to apologize, she stares down at her lap and says, “I don’t think this will work between us.”
“What?”
She settles her gaze on me. “You don’t trust me,” she says simply. “You do with Bree, but not when it comes to you. And after what you did, I don’t know that I can trust you with myself either.”
“Raelynn,” I begin because this can’t be the end.
“No, Elias,” she cuts me off before I can really get going. “You’re not listening to me.”
“Yes, I am,” I interrupt her. “I know I did something I most definitely shouldn’t have done, but surely it’s not unforgivable, is it? We can recover from this. Don’t give up so easily.” That last sentence earns me a glare. “Aside from this, wouldn’t you agree that what we have is fantastic?”
“I would agree that it’s too soon to tell.”
“Now, you’re just being argumentative.”
Raelynn stands, so I stand as well. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow and we’re getting nowhere. I need some space and some time.”
My gut screams in protest. I almost want to ignore it since it’s what got me into this mess, but I don’t want to let her walk away. I don’t want my last words to her be me telling her that she’s argumentative, which really makes me sound like an asshole. She turns to walk around the couch and I say, “Raelynn, I...” My voice trails off, but I’m empowered by the fact that she’s facing me once again.
What if this is the last chance I have to really talk to her? To convince her to stay with me? It’s as if everything suddenly clicks into place, the issues fall away, and one big important thing remains.
So, I begin again. “Raelynn, I love you.”
Tears form and spill over immediately. She holds up her hand and shakes her head. I wait for her to say something, but she doesn’t. Raelynn runs from the room.
Well, fuck.
His last words to me
last night haunt me. I can’t believe he said that, and I can’t line up what those words are supposed to mean with his actions prior to saying them. Hearing him say he loves me officially tore my nerves up and continues to do so today. I have no idea what to do with that kind of information. When Henry says it, I know to ignore it because I no longer have any sort of romantic feelings toward him. When Jackson says it, my heart is happy and I have no problem telling my little boy that I love him too.
But when Elias said it?
My first reaction was to cry and run away from him. What the hell?
“What are you moping about?”
My head snaps up at Sylvia’s question.