“My first foster home was an older couple who already had ten other foster kids, who meant I had to sleep on the floor in the living room. I couldn’t sleep because I was scared. I was there for about a month before I went to my next one and had to change schools. My new foster parents were the perfect couple. They had their own two children and a pretty house with a pretty car, but it’s all bullshit.
“It was the first time I had a bed and I thought I was going to be safe there, but one night, I heard someone come into my room.” Jade quickly wipes her tears, staring down at our hands. Fury and heartbreak pulses through me before she even tells me what happened. “The dad didn’t do anything at first, but he would stare at me and kept stroking my cheek. I tried to pretend to be asleep, but it didn’t stop him. I didn’t scream or make any noises because he would threaten me. I didn’t tell anyone because he told me no one would believe me because I was scum.”
It’s no wonder Jade is the way she is and has a hard time accepting help. People who were supposed to be helpful weren’t; they were the very opposite. Nearly everyone she’s met has let her down, and this is only the beginning of it.
“Mom got out of jail about four months later and I was actually thankful to go back to Greenwood. Mom was healthy and clean and she promised it was going to be different.” She shakes her head like she should have known better. “That lasted about four days. I woke up one night and couldn’t find her. When I looked out on the window, she was on the corner with the other girls, flagging cars down.
“I was eight when I went back into the system and into a new foster home. Surprisingly, I was in an okay home. The parents fought a lot, but they left me alone. Mom was in for about a year and a half that time. When she got out, it was the same story. She was strung out and fucking anyone who would give her money and I was walking the streets trying to find food.
“Mom’s longest stint was when I was fifteen. I hated that last foster home the most. The guy didn’t leave me alone and I hated him. But, yet again, I didn’t yell, or scream, or even tell anyone. I can remember closing my eyes and wishing I was somewhere else. I would pretend I was anywhere but where I was at that moment.”
The pain and hurt is all over her face and I wish I could take it away. She shouldn’t have gone through that. Someone should have been there for her. Jade’s breathing seems to even out, less shaky, and it seems that part of her story is over.
“The moment I turned eighteen, I was gone. I ran back to Greenwood. The manager of the building knew me and by some miracle, there was an apartment open and he let me have it. That night, I went to Big Mike’s and he gave me a job. It’s what I’ve done every single day since then until I met you.
“Damn you, Valo. You swoop into my life and flip it on it’s top. You come in and show me all these shiny, pretty things and…” her voice catches as she wipes away more tears. “You gave me fucking hope that maybe there was a good guy who liked me. That maybe I could make something of myself.”
I want to interrupt and tell her she can, but I don’t. Jade starts to ramble, her words coming a bit faster the more she talks.
“I shouldn’t have seen my mom. I should have fucking stayed away from her. The day I saw her, she told me you were just using me as a pet and I was nothing more than a project for you. I listened to her because that little voice in my head kept telling me you were too good to be true. That’s why I left. I didn’t
want to taint you like Mom does to me.
“Then Big Mike tells me you paid off Mom’s debt and fuck…I tried to be mad at you, but you’re too fucking nice for me to be mad at you.” Jade takes a deep breath and looks away from me. “I went on that job tonight. I did it to prove I didn’t need you and I can do things on my own, but I was wrong. The guy was a complete ass and he wasn’t…nice. I was actually scared a little bit.” This is why I didn’t want her to do it. I clench my jaw, but relax a bit when she says, “I was able to get away from him, and all I thought about was getting to you.” Jade meets my gaze. “I want to be safe and I only feel that way with you because I love you.”
Those last three words jar me, surprise me, but Jade doesn’t give me a chance to react.
“I didn’t know it until tonight. I kept hiding all my feelings because I didn’t want to admit I needed anyone other than myself. But I’m wrong again. I need you because we make a good team together. I know now that I wasn’t a pet to you and that you really did love me. I’m sorry, Valo. I’m sorry for everything, but you needed to know me. You needed to know the truth and that’s it. That’s all of me.”
I’m quiet for a bit, reeling from all she’s told me. I’m probably silent for too long based on how Jade’s watching me so expectantly. “You’ve said a lot, I’m still trying to take it all in. I don’t know where to start.” That’s true. My mind keeps hopping all over the place. I need to reassure her though. “Jade, I said I wouldn’t give up, and I didn’t. Thanks for telling me all of that. In the future, it’ll be better if you’d just come to me, talk to me, and let me help. Otherwise, you’re going to drive us both crazy.” I give her a small smile. Things will be okay, and that’s the most important thing to focus on right this second.
“You’re so strange. I tell you my life story, pretty much poured my darkest secret out to you, and now, you talk about the future.” Jade shakes her head in disbelief. “Do you understand everything I said? I’m a mess.” Oh, she is definitely a mess, but that doesn’t change anything.
“I understand that you love me and that you think we make a good team.” I pause and add, “Don’t you want a future, Jade? A future with me? Because I want to give it to you.” I hold my breath, watching her reaction and waiting for an answer. I don’t want to face another rejection from her. At this point, I’m still not sure if her fear will win out again or not.
“Oh, Finny, I…I never felt so safe with anyone, but you. I never thought I would feel this way about anyone or have anyone feel the same way about me. I just want you to realize that, eventually, someone will figure out I’m a stripper from Greenwood. I know I keep harping on that, but I do love you and worry about your career. But yes, I do want a future with you.”
There. I can finally relax. She’s not going anywhere. “You were a stripper. Not anymore, Jade, and you’re bettering your life. That’s not going to hurt me. Don’t worry about it, I mean it. If you want this future, then I have a few conditions.”
“Conditions? Like what?” Jade looks skeptical, but it’s better than giving me a look as if I’m a bad guy and she’s expecting the worst from me.
It’ll take time for her to really, fully trust me, and I make sure to let her know that I know that. “I’m not expecting it right away, but my conditions are that you let me help. You let me take care of you. You don’t run. I know you want to do some things yourself or to work for it, and that’s fine, but a compromise would be good for us both to get what we want. That’s it.” As one phrase she’s always telling me runs through my mind, I quickly say, “Wait, no, there’s one more thing. Stop saying you’ll taint my life. If you, my Jade, are the worst thing to happen to me, then being tainted isn’t such a bad thing.” I smile because it’s true. I love Jade, and there isn’t anything tainted about that.
“I will agree, but only if you agree to my condition.”
I try not to smile because she agreed. She’s mine. “You have a condition? What is it? I already agree.” I don’t care what it is. There’s nothing she could ask of me that I wouldn’t agree to.
Jade’s lips try to suppress a smile. “You have to still love me after I get fat from eating all your food.”
I laugh. “I’ll love you no matter what, I promise.” Leaning over, I kiss her slowly, relishing in having her back here with me. “You stay right here. I’m going to bring you some food. Find a 90s sitcom and I’ll be right back.” She’s probably hungry and I’m going to make sure she’s full.
“I just want to lay here with you,” she protests.
“And we’ll do that once you’ve had something to eat.” I give her a quick kiss before leaving her to find some food.
Gus is in the kitchen, fixing himself something to drink. “She okay?”
“Yeah, she’s fine,” I answer, rummaging the fridge until I find some leftovers. I pop it into the microwave.