He sighed. “If you were in my position, could you simply pretend that your child didn’t exist? It’s not all about obligation. It’s about...” He broke off, clearly having as much trouble coming up with the right words as she was.

“It’s about what?” she asked quietly.

It took him a while to form his answer. “However this baby was conceived doesn’t matter. That’s about us, not him or her. I don’t want my child wondering why his father doesn’t care enough to be a part of his life. I do care. I care already. You want stability and security? I want that, too, and it has little to do with splitting time between two houses. It has to do with caring and attention. Your mother walked out on you, and you know how much that hurt. Can you honestly say it would be better for our baby if I walked away?”

He’d used her mother against her, and it hurt. It also stung that he was so right.

“I’m scared,” she admitted.

“So am I,” he answered, but she shook her head.

“No, you don’t understand.” She took a hasty sip of cider; her throat felt suddenly dry. “I’m afraid I won’t be a good parent. That you’ll be better than me. That maybe he or she will...” She swallowed against a lump in her throat. “Will love you more than me.” Oh, how horrible that sounded! She wasn’t generally so insecure. And yes, she was competitive, but not for affection. What on earth was wrong with her?

“Lizzie.” He reached out for her

hand. “No one is born knowing how to be a parent. I’m pretty sure about that. You’re a strong, independent woman. You’re smart and when you relax a little you can even be funny.” He squeezed her fingers. “You’re going to be a fine mom, because you want to be. You’re already trying so hard. How can you possibly fail?”

He looked into her eyes. “And I’ll be there to help.”

It was so dangerous when he looked at her that way, all serious and honest, and it made her go all melty, which wouldn’t help the situation at all. She wanted to believe him so badly, have the same faith in herself as he did. “How can you say that? You live in another city.”

He sat back, sliding his hand away from hers. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I spoke to my bosses about going back to work.”

“And cut short your leave of absence?” She was feeling worse and worse now. From what he’d told her, he’d really looked forward to this year and doing what he wanted. “You don’t need to do that.”

“I think I do. Anyway, they need someone to head up the local office. It’s a promotion for me and it would mean I’d be in the Dallas area. Closer to you and the baby.”

Her mouth dropped open. “You’d move here?”

He nodded. “To be honest, they approached me with the job last year and I turned it down, because I was already planning my leave.”

“But you were really enjoying it. And doing better, from looking at the standings.” She’d checked. His last few outings he’d been pretty competitive. After so long away, she wondered how good he’d be if he dedicated more time to it, like Jacob and Jet. He could be a real contender.

He shrugged, but for once he didn’t meet her eyes. “It was just me being a little self-indulgent anyway,” he answered.

She was going to press him about that but the waiter arrived with their food and spent several moments offering fresh pepper and parmesan and ensuring everything was just right.

When they were finally alone again, Lizzie picked up her fork. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to turn your life upside down for this.”

“I’m not,” he assured her. “Like I said, it was a year of goofing off. It’s not a big deal.”

But she could tell by the way he wouldn’t meet her eyes that it was. She picked up her knife and it slid through her tender veal like it was butter. She tried to eat normally, savoring the meat, pasta and marinara but it was awkward. He was turning his whole life upside down for this. And he was doing it because he was putting their child first—a child that wasn’t even born yet.

She remembered the look of wonder in his eyes when they’d heard the heartbeat today and the tender way he’d kissed her forehead.

Oh dear. She was in so much trouble here and it wasn’t all to do with being pregnant.

“I think you’re going to be a very good father,” she said quietly, putting down her fork.

He met her gaze over the flickering candles. “If I am, it’s because I had a good example at home. I know that my dad sacrificed for me and always wanted the best for me, and that’s what I want for my children, too.”

Children. She dropped her gaze to her food and picked up her fork again, surprised by her sudden reaction to that word. It really hit home then that they’d be coparenting but still having separate lives. He’d likely meet someone and marry her and have another family, and that woman would be her baby’s stepmother. And maybe she’d marry and have more babies, too...though for some reason, while she could see Chris surrounded by kids and a beautiful wife and the perfect life, she couldn’t quite envision that for herself.

This was always going to be complicated, wasn’t it?

“Liz? Is your food okay?”

“It’s delicious.” She smiled and made a show of taking another bite of veal parmesan.

Tags: Donna Alward Western
Source: readsnovelonline.net