“I forgot you don’t know, you’re not from here. He was a fisherman. He went out like he always did, and never came back.”

Lizzie turned in Josh’s arms, looked up into his face. “Do you mean they never found him?”

He shook his head, his blue eyes darker in the dimness of the starlit sky. “Not him, not his boat.”

“God, Josh. That’s horrific. How awful for all of you, and your mom … it’s got to be a special sort of hell, dealing with a death without a body.”

A flash of pain transformed his face for a moment, and then she watched as he shuttered it away. But not fast enough.

“And then for you to lose your wife…”

He nodded. “That was different, though. At least … well, we got to bring Erin home and give her a proper burial. We know what happened. The not knowing … that’s the book that never gets closed, you know?”

Lizzie touched his arm with her fingertips. “We had a burial for my dad, but that doesn’t mean it was easy or I’ve managed to let go. How do I do that, Josh? How do I move on as if it doesn’t matter? Please, tell me what to do to let me see my mother as a medical patient and not my mom, because it’s killing me and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“You get through it,” he said calmly. “One day at a time. That’s all any of us do, Lizzie. And you look for joy. Moments of it at first, and eventually there’s more than you expected.”

She turned, half in his arms and half out, meeting his gaze evenly. “Is that how it is for you, Josh? A life of joy?”

He shrugged. “I’m still in the moments part, but the moments are getting longer and more frequent.” He smiled, a little sheepishly.

“I’m the last person to judge,” she admitted.

He chuckled down low, a sound that made something secret and delicious run through her. “People in glass houses?”

“Exactly.” She let out a deep sigh. She’d been doing that a lot tonight, trying to regain her equilibrium. Lizzie shifted out of Josh’s arms now, feeling like she was on a bit more solid ground, worried she was crossing a line between accepting comfort and longing for more. Still, the emotional purge had been good for her. Josh leaned back on his hands, his fingers disappearing in the soft sand.

“After losing your parents, being told to take some time off must have really freaked you out.”

Lizzie let out a big breath. “I felt like I’d lost everything. You’re a doctor. You know what the hours are like. What you need to do to work your way up…”

“Hmmm. I guess I’ve never really cared about that sort of thing. Being in the sandbox changed a lot of that for me. I couldn’t have cared less about prestige or reputation when I was putting men and women back together.”

Right. She’d nearly forgotten he’d been a doctor in the Army before now. Of course he’d seen things that were vastly different from a city emergency room.

“Well, when you’re Russ Howard’s daughter, there are expectations.”

Josh was quiet for a few moments. The silence made her uncomfortable, like she’d somehow said something wrong.

“I bet there are,” Josh said.

“You don’t understand. It’s like … I’m held to some higher standard than anyone else. Because he was such a hotshot, I have to be, too, or I’m letting people down.”

“Letting who down? Them? Or yourself?” He frowned. “We’re not talking about the expectations or the normal pressures of the job. Tell me the truth. Do you think your leave was justified?”

“That’s an odd question.” She looked away. The question had hit its mark.

“Just think about it. I don’t know your old boss, but I’m guessing he knew you and knew you needed to take a break and get yourself together. To make that call, knowing that you were going to hate him for it? That took some ’nads.”

She looked over at Josh, her discomfort and annoyance growing to irritation. “It wasn’t his call to make. He took advantage of the fact that we were sleeping together.”

Josh held her gaze. “Did he? Or did he make the professional call despite the fact that you were sleeping together?”

She scrambled to her feet, angry at his assertion, even more uncomfortable that they were talking about her sex life when only minutes ago she’d been cradled in his arms and she’d been thinking about how strong he felt and how good he smelled.

“You don’t know anything about it,” she snapped, brushing the sand off her butt.

“I know more than you think.” He stood up, too. “I worked for my father-in-law, Lizzie. Do you know how weird that was after Erin died? The thing that linked us together no longer existed. You don’t have the corner on awkward situations. And you certainly aren’t the first to come to Jewell Cove to find their feet again.”

Tags: Donna Alward Jewell Cove Romance
Source: readsnovelonline.net