I took a moment and drank the sight of him in. He was gorgeous. Sometimes I didn’t see it. I felt his beauty. He was kind. He was patient. He stood up to me and for me. He took care of me, and he fought side by side with me. Those were his qualities, but he wasn’t just mine. I saw it downstairs and a part of me was jealous. I didn’t want to share him, but I knew I would have to. Now, seeing him at this party, it was like I was being reminded of the other side of Tray. Hazel eyes, sandy blonde hair, rakish grin, chiseled cheekbones, broad shoulders, trim waist, and my mouth watered as I remembered feeling his weight above me.
That alien emotion was back. It bubbled to the surface and spread all over. I shook my head. Shit. That was a whole other level of emotions I didn’t want to deal with either.
“Taryn?”
My voice was hoarse again when I spoke. “I’m seeing this through, Tray.”
“Okay.” His eyes narrowed, growing thoughtful. “Why are you telling me this now?”
“Because you have friends here. These people think of you like family. You’re not mine.” I hesitated. “Only mine. You’re theirs too. And what I’m about to do, it’s dangerous. I don’t know if you should help me.”
A corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk. “Who do you think I am? Someone weak? Someone soft? You’re going to come at me, preach to me about the dangerous road you’re going down? You think I don't know?” He stood from the door, locked it, and advanced on me. He spoke with each step he took. “I wake up next to you every morning. I hold you every night. I’m there. I’m beside you. This is me. I’m all fucking in, Taryn. Stop trying to scare me away and stop trying to treat me with kid gloves. I taught you how to fight, remember? Do I need to remind you of my life? I found my mom dead. That was me. I found her in bed. I found the empty bottle of pills and booze. I found the note. Me. I was there when my dad decided to leave with Galverson. Jace showed up. He gave my dad an ultimatum: Leave now, go with them and keep his mouth shut for the rest of his life to save mine, or go with my brother and get a bullet in the head later. That was his choice. He left me behind. I was there. I heard the whole thing and Jace saw me. I was standing upstairs. I wasn’t hiding, but my dad didn’t even look at me. He grabbed his wallet, took out his bank card, put it with a wad of cash on the counter, and left. That’s the last thing I remember about my dad.”
I swallowed and felt as if he’d struck me across the face. He’d had it hard. So did I. He shook his head. “Stop.” He was in front of me now. His hands lifted. He was going to touch the sides of my face, but he hesitated. I saw the agony in him, and he closed his eyes. He closed himself off from me and drew in a breath.
I frowned. He was drawing strength and he was doing it without me. My hands lifted to his before I realized what I was doing. I didn’t want him to do that. I wanted him to draw strength from me and as his eyes opened, I was gutted. “Stop.”
He did. I saw it.
I added, “I don’t want to ruin your life.”
“You won’t.”
I shook my head. I already had.
“Stop, Taryn.” His hands cupped my face. His thumbs rubbed over my cheeks, softly and tenderly. “It goes both ways. I’m all-in. I’ve never been this guy. I’ve never cared about a girlfriend before, but it’s different with you. Everything’s different with you. It’s too late to go back. I’m in, Taryn. Do you hear that? I’m in. Accept it. I’m here. I’m not leaving. I’m your best friend. I’m going to be your lover. I’m going to fight with you. I’m going to hold you. I’m going to support you. I will not betray you, and I will not abandon you.”
Each word calmed me. The storm was there, but it wasn’t raging any more, and I cracked a grin. “I don’t have a say in the matter?”
He leaned forward. His lips were going to my forehead, but he held back. I felt him struggling with his emotions before he murmured, “No, you don’t. You have to deal with it.” He touched his lips there and his chest jerked up. The emotion was strong in him. We were the same in that moment. My hands clung to the back of his as he cradled my face, but I tugged him down.
His eyes opened and he looked into mine. For the first time, I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t look away. I let him stare into me. I let him see everything, and then I reached for his lips. As they touched mine, I claimed him this time.
I was letting him know he was mine.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
When we headed to Rickets’ House, my only goal was to find the girl that I saw with Brian the night he died. When Amber and Jennica came into the room, they said that girl had been asking questions about Brian’s death. As we drove up the long, windy gravel road to the house, Tray asked, “So, let’s run this over again. What did Amber and Jennica say again?”
“The cops said it was a robbery, but they said some girl was asking people about that night at a party. Amber told her to shut up and to stop asking questions. This girl didn’t back down and started saying things like it didn’t happen that way and it was all a set-up. Then Jennica told her that they knew his ex-girlfriend and she should respect the dead.” I paused. “That’s what they told me anyway.”
Tray drove past the house, which was lit up and had people spread out onto the front yard. He turned the car down the first row of parked cars, looking for a slot. “You were quiet at Dylan’s house. What were you thinking?”
“I have no idea why, but I can’t stop thinking about this one night. Jace joined the Panthers when he was young. He quit school and a few years later, he started working for Galverson. He changed and it was almost overnight.” The memories flared in my head and I swallowed against the bitterness that came with them. “He was more confident. No, he was arrogant. Their dad started to fear him. Then he started paying for things, throwing his money around like everyone owed him. I wasn’t always there. The Panthers aren’t a bad gang. They drive around and mostly protected people around the area, but they didn’t like that Jace was working for Galverson. I knew there was a divide between him and the rest of the gang. Then, I don’t know.” I shrugged and turned to the window. I wasn’t seeing the scenery. I was lost in my head, in my past. “Then it was like it didn’t matter. Jace came to the house one night. It was in the middle of the night and he just sat there. Brian was sleeping and their dad was having health problems by then so he always sleeping, so when I went to get food, he was in the kitc
hen.”
My voice grew faint as the memory reenacted in my head. “I was hungry and I didn’t turn the light on, but when I opened the fridge I saw him at the table. There was blood on him, all over him. And he had a gun.” I closed my eyes. “I didn’t notice it at first, but I saw the jacket. It was his Panther’s leather jacket. It was on the table and when I moved closer to him, he covered the gun with his jacket. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. Jace was always…he didn’t talk much. I mean, we joked. He used to wrestle with Brian, but all that had stopped for a long time. I was scared of him. He had become Brian’s jackass brother, but that night it was like the old Jace was back.” I faltered, remembering the haunted look in his eyes. “I never asked him what was wrong. We didn’t talk at all, but I sat there and,” a grin left me, “I ate a bowl of ice cream. It was the oddest and most surreal night of my life.” Everything went back to normal after that night, but I didn’t know how to explain it. It didn’t make sense to me.
I turned to Tray and found him watching me. I felt the kindness. I felt the understanding and knew Brian would never have reacted this way. That threw me. Brian would’ve been jealous. He was always so jealous, especially of his brother. I shook my head and continued, “Jace changed after that night. I don’t know what happened and I always wanted to ask, but now...” It was too late. “I don’t care about him anymore.”
“Taryn.”
I didn’t want to hear what he was going to say. It was going to be beautiful and it would probably make me want to cry. I shook my head. “I’m here to kick some ass. Let’s save the poetry talk for later, like never.”
He grinned, then reached over and cupped the side of my face. I leaned into his touch before I could lecture myself against it. He was there. Strong. Caring. As I thought of what a great guy he was, my heart sunk. I was spoiled for anyone else. He was it.
Shit.