In his studio downtown, Jess reviewed the demo. He sincerely hoped that Eve was watching the disc. If she did, her mind would be open. Wide open to dreams. He wished he knew what they would be, where they would take her. Then he could see what she would see. He could document. Relive. But his research hadn’t yet allowed him to find the path into the dreams. One day, he thought, one day.
Eve’s dreams took her back into the dark, into the dread. They were jumbled, then shockingly clear, then scattered again like leaves in the wind. It was terrifying. She dreamed of Roarke, and that was soothing. Watching an explosive sunset with him in Mexico, making reckless love in the dark, bubbling water of a lagoon. Hearing his voice in her ear when he was inside her, urging her to let go. Just let go.
Then it was her father, holding her down, and she was a child, helpless, hurting, frightened.
Please don’t.
The smell of him was there, candy over liquor. Too sweet, too strong. She was gagging on it and weeping, and his hand was over her mouth to stifle her screams when he raped her.
Our personalities are programmed at conception. Reeanna’s voice floated in, cool and sure. We are what we are made. Our choices are already set at birth.
And she was a child, in a terrible room, a cold room that smelled of garbage and urine and death. And there was blood on her hands.
Someone was holding her, pinning her arms, and she fought like a wild thing, like a terrified, desperate child would fight.
“Don’t. Don’t. Don’t.”
“Ssh, Eve, it’s a dream.” Roarke gathered her closer, rocked, while the clammy sweat on her skin soaked into his shirt and broke his heart. “You’re safe.”
“I killed you. You’re dead. Stay dead.”
“Wake up now.”
He pressed his lips to her temple, struggling to find the right way to soothe her. If he’d had the power, he would have gone back in time and cheerfully murdered what haunted her.
“Wake up, darling. It’s Roarke. No one’s going to hurt you. He’s gone,” he murmured when she stopped fighting him and began to shudder. “He’s never coming back.”
“I’m all right.” It humiliated her, always, to be caught in the grip of a nightmare. “I’m okay now.”
“I’m not.” He continued to hold her, stroking until her tremors eased. “It was a bad one.”
She kept her eyes shut, tried to concentrate on the scent of him: clean and male. “Remind me not to go to bed after gorging on spiced spaghetti.” She realized he was fully dressed and the bedroom lights were on low. “You haven’t been to bed.”
“I just got in.” He eased her back to study her face and brushed a drying tear from her cheek. “You’re still pale.” It tore at him, and his voice was edgy. “Why the hell won’t you take a soother at least?”
“I don’t like them.” As usual, the nightmare had left her with the dull throb of a headache. Knowing he would see it if he looked too closely, she shifted away. “I haven’t had one in a while. Weeks really.” Calmer now, she rubbed her tired eyes. “That one was all jumbled up. Strange. Maybe it was the wine.”
“And maybe it’s stress. You will work until you collapse.”
She angled her head, glanced at the watch on his wrist. “And who’s just coming in from the office at two A.M.?” She smiled, wanting to erase the worry from his eyes. “Buy any small planets lately?”
“No, just a few minor satellites.” He rose, stripped off his shirt, then lifted a brow when he caught the considering look she gave his bare chest. “You’re too tired.”
“I don’t have to be. You could do all the work.”
Laughing, he sat to take off his shoes. “Thank you very much, but why don’t we wait until you have the energy to participate?”
“Christ, that’s so married.” But she slid down in the bed, exhausted. The headache was just on the edge of her brain, cannily waiting to strike. When he slipped into bed beside her, she rested her tender head on his shoulder. “I’m glad you’re home.”
“So am I.” He brushed his lips over her hair. “You’ll sleep now.”
“Yeah.” It soothed her to feel the rhythm of his heart under the palm of her hand. She only felt slightly ashamed of needing it there, needing him there. “Do you think we’re programmed at conception?”
“What?”
“I wonder.” She was drifting into that twilight sleep already, and her voice was thick and slow. “Is it just the luck of the draw, the gene pool, what slips in with egg and sperm? Is that it? What does that make us, Roarke, you and me?”
“Survivors,” he said, but he knew she was asleep. “We survived.”