"I don't know, exactly."
"Why not?"
"She couldn't talk,'" Brenda said. "Why not?"
"She couldn't stop crying."
11 Sleep in Peace
. Brenda drove my car. and Celia followed us on our ride back to our house. Like Mrs, Maxwell, I couldn't talk, either. and I wasn't crying. My throat was just so choked up and my chest so heavy. I simply sat there staring out the side window at the scenery rushing by. Whenever I looked at Brenda, she was hovering over the steering wheel as if she were urging the car to go even faster. I didn't think she realized how taut she was holding her neck and shoulders. Occasionally. I turned to look back at Celia, who was trying to keep up.
"Don't you go blaming yourself for anything," Brenda chanted. From the way she said it. I wondered if she were talking aloud to herself or talking to me. "Don't you do it."
"Blame myself for what. Brenda?" I asked, my lips trembling,
"Whatever happens. Whatever we find out when we get home. April."
"What are we going to find?" I asked, now openly crying.
She didn't answer. She just shook her head and held herself taut over the steering wheel. She knew more she just wasn't saying. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and sat back. It doesn't matter what she says. Whatever has happened is my fault, I thought. I knew I shouldn't have left Mama. I knew it even after I had gotten into the car. I knew it the moment I drove out. I was just too excited about driving myself and getting to go to a college dorm.
I was trembling inside just imagining what might be awaiting us. The dark clouds ahead were definitely a bad omen in my mind. Sprinkles began when we reached Hickory, and by the time we arrived at the house, it had turned to showers. Mrs. Maxwell obviously had been waiting for us at the front window and opened the door the moment we turned into our driveway. She was in her coat and had on a plastic rain hat.
Brenda hesitated after she opened the door and didn't get out of the car.
"The ambulance has taken her to the hospital," Mrs. Maxwell said as she hurried toward us. She opened the rear door and got in quickly.
Celia got out of her car and approached. "What's happening?"
"We're going to the hospital," Brenda said. "She was taken there by ambulance. Get in."
Celia got into the rear of the car with Mrs. Maxwell, and we backed out of the driveway, turned, and headed away.
"After you called int. I went to your house and rang the doorbell." Mrs. Maxwell began. "I waited and waited and knocked. I looked through the windows and didn't see any lights on or your mother. I almost went home, thinking she had gone somewhere. but I remembered your telling me April had the car. Of course, she could have been picked up by someone," she rattled on, terrified of the silence. "However. I thought I'd see if your rear door was open and it was I walked in and called and called, and then I went farther into the house and eventually looked in your mother's bedroom.
"At first. I thought she was just sleeping. Again. I almost turned around and returned to my home. but I noticed her right arm was dangling off the bed and thought that was odd. so I called to her. I raised my voice, and still she didn't respond. I went to her and shook her. Her eyes didn't open. but I didn't think she was... she was... passed away. I never saw someone who couldn't wake up like that. Of course. I thought she was in a coma or something. Then you called. The sound of the phone ringing nearly made my heart explode. I'm sorry I was so incoherent.
"As soon as we hung up. I saw the bottle of sleeping pills and realized it was empty and she might have taken too many. I called 911, and the ambulance got here quickly. The paramedics couldn't make her wake up, either, so they took her off to the hospital. I told them you were coming here. and I told them I would wait for you.
"I don't know what to think. I don't know what else to say." She concluded.
Brenda didn't say anything.
"She got the idea from what I told her about my mother," Celia suddenly said.
Brenda grimaced and looked at her through the rearview mirror. "Don't be ridiculous. Celia. Your mother wasn't the first one to think of that."
"I know. but..."
"Look, everyone has got to stop looking for ways to blame herself Brenda shouted.
It was like an explosion. No one breathed loudly.
"You, of all people, should know how complicated this situation is," she continued in a calmer tone.
"I know." Celia said. "I'm sorry."
I felt myself close up, my body fold into itself. I wished I were a turtle pulling her head back into and under her shell. I wished I were anything or anyone but who I was. Our family had been in a free fall ever since Daddy had turned into Mr. Hyde. No matter how hard we tried, we couldn't pull ourselves out of it. There wasn't any one choice, any one decision, that any of us had made to begin all this. Bad Luck had just come sauntering down our street one day, looked at our house and us, and thought. Here's a good prospect. These people will surely know how powerful I can be, and then, like shadows that fall when a cloud slips over the sun. Bad Luck enveloped our house and sank into it, s