Whatever anyone says, I can't help but feel the
clouds of blame and guilt hovering over my head
every day here. I shall never forget that Miguel had to
come for me when he was most needed here, and In
my heart I fear you will never forget, either, Mommy.
I know you don't hate me. I know you can't hate me,
but for a while it will be as it has been, very hard for
you to look at me and not think about it. I understand,
but it's like living with a drill of fire pointing at me
always.
You never saw so many faults in me as you do
now, and you never had as much coldness in your
voice when you spoke to me as you do now.
For the longest time I have been trying to get
you and Miguel to understand I am not a child
anymore. I need to be treated like an adult, to be
trusted with the truth, whether it be ugly or not.
Perhaps I am, as some of my friends think and most of my friends are, spoiled. Perhaps I have been
protected too much.
1 think the best way for me to mature is to go
out on my own for a while, and I think the time we are
apart will be good for all of us,
Just know that a day won't pass without my
thinking- of you and looking forward to the time when
I can return and when we can be more than just
mother and daughter, when we can be friends again
as well,
Love, Hannah
I put the letter in an envelope and left it on my
pillow. Then I turned and walked to the door. I had to