“You know the family reunion is coming up,” he says, gently rubbing his thumb against his forefinger to wipe any dust away.
There’s no dust, I’ve made sure of that. Yet, he likes to make it a point to show me he’s still the big boss, not me.
“I know.” Keeping my head down, I try to stay at his pace, but he’s walking so damn slow, like we’re not on a schedule and I don’t have shit to do.
“It’s in Hawaii.”
“Yeah, that’s what I heard.” The conversation isn’t really what I expected. In my head I thought he was going to ask about the new flavor we’ve been working on for months, but for some reason, he’s fixated on the family reunion. “Should be a good time.”
My hands dangle at my sides, and I’m ready to change the subject to something we would both rather discuss. “We almost have—”
“I took your mother to Hawaii for our honeymoon. It was amazing, Bolt, a really incredible place to be with the person you love.” His eyes glaze over as a memory floats through his head.
I don’t want to think about it, and I try not to, but it comes anyway; the idea that he was probably thinking about having sex with my mother.
Ew, gross. A faint shiver runs through my muscles as I hold back the gag I feel in my throat.
“Yeah, I’m sure.” There’s no denying the bored tone to my voice, drowning with disinterest. I’ve heard their love story a million times over the years, why tell me again? “Why are you telling me this? I don’t want to be a jerk, Dad, but it’s not like I haven’t heard the story before.”
“Your cousin Meredith, she’ll be there, and she’s about to have twins.”
“Wow, twins, huh?”
I see what he’s doing.
He’s about to go down that road again. The one where he’s going to tell me how hard it was for him and my mother to have me, and how much they wanted a big family. Then he’s going to try and guilt trip me, hoping that I’ll suddenly have an epiphany and want hundreds of babies of my own.
It’s hard to be so great at one thing, and such a disappointment at another. I’m not the son they wanted me to be, because I’m twenty-four years old, with no steady girlfriend, no foreseeable future of marriage and children.
My parents wanted lots of children, they wanted full Christmas dinners, and a home overflowing with laughter and stories. That was not what they got. Instead they got me, a single disappointment.
But I don’t see the same future for myself that they do. I see a man who takes pride in his work, a man who has the freedom to come and go, to travel and party, to live the life I want to live.
I wear double protection to make sure no little Bolt’s get out. I never have sex without being cautious. Some people are meant to have kids of their own, I’m not one of those people.
Sex is great, it’s on my list of favorite things to do, but that is all it ever is, just sex. A past time activity that breaks a sweat and feels good. A calorie burning workout I actually enjoy.
“Dad, you have to stop this.” Stopping short, I grab his arm and force him to face me. “We’ve been over this before. I know what you want, but you know how I feel about it. I need you to stop.”
“Stop what? Stop talking to my son about what every other adult in this world is doing?”
“I’m not every other adult.”
“You’re right, you’re not, Bolt. You spend every waking hour in this damn place, or out gallivanting at bars, looking for a cheap whore to bring home for the night. All your mother and I really want is to be grandparents. We want you to settle down and meet someone. Why is that such a horrible thing to ask for?”
“I don’t want kids, I never want kids. How many more times am I going to have to tell you that before you get it?”
“Do you have any idea what your mother and I went through just to have you? Do you know how difficult it was for us?”
“Yes, I’m aware, you guys make sure I don’t forget it. But that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want what you want. I don’t want a wife, I don’t want a family, I don’t want kids.”
“You act like I’m asking the world of you. I don’t see why it’s such a big deal. We’re talking about your future, about the future of this company.”
“No, you act like I owe you something. I’m tired of feeling like such a disappointment to this family.” Crooking my jaw, I could feel myself getting annoyed. This isn’t the first time we’ve had this conversation, it isn’t even the second or the third time.