"I was younger than you when my mother gave me the gift, but it was just how it was, how it was meant to be. Afterward, just as it will be for you. I no longer needed anyone's help to cross over. Sometimes we need to do this, my mother told me. There's nothing shameful about that. Think of it the way you would think of a helping hand reaching out for you, guiding you, pulling you aboard a wonderful ship to take you on an dazzling journey. You are ready for this. I know you have wanted it for so long, and I know you were often jealous of Celeste, who did not need any help.
"But all that is over now. Tonight it ends."
She put the candleholder down gently and then picked up the pitcher and the goblet. I watched her pour something into it. Then she turned to me and offered me the goblet.
"First, you will drink this, and then I want you to lie down softly on the magic carpet, for that is truly what it will become," she said.
Hesitantly. I reached out and took the goblet. She urged me with her eyes and her smile. I couldn't help my hesitation, nor the way my hand trembled.
"Trust. remember? We must have trust between us. Drink, my darling. Drink it all in one long gulp. Don't sip it. Go on," she said.
A dark part of me wondered if this was going to be the end. Before morning's light, would she lay me down beside Noble? Would I become a spirit. too, and was that the way she would keep us together forever? Was that the way I would cross over?
Even if that was true. shouldn't I be happy? After all. I was soon to enter a perfect world, a world in which I no longer had to hide from myself, disguise myself, be someone I was not. -Wouldn't that be the true gift, and didn't I finally deserve it?
Perhaps what had happened between Elliot and me had convinced her I was in danger of never crossing over. Perhaps she had been told, and that was why tonight I had been brought here and, like my Juliet in the play I so loved, given a potion to swallow that held the promise of endless happiness. There were so many forces greater than myself, than my little mind, my small fears, my tiny being. Who was I to challenge any of them?
I took the goblet and brought it to my lips.
If this was truly the end of one life and the beginning of another, to what was I to say good-bye? What would I miss? My chores, my spar-tan room, my fishing pole, and new chain saw? Was there anything I left behind that brought tears to my eyes?
Or was it truly the beginning, and on the contrary, weren't there so many things I would say hello to again? My dolls, my beautiful clothes, my jewels, my teacup set, all of it, just waiting for me.
Really, I thought, I have no good-byes to say, just hellos.
I tipped the goblet and let the cool, strangetasting liquid flow over my tongue and down my throat, swallowing quickly until it was all gone.
Mommy nodded and took the goblet from me gently.
"Lie down," she said.
I did as she asked, and she slowly and carefully lit every candle in front of every picture. Then she stood up with her own candle and holder in hand and smiled down at me.
"What a lucky boy you are," she said. see you again," she promised and left the turret room, closing the door softly behind her. I heard the key turn in the lock, and then I heard her steps as she walked away.
The candles flickered around me, causing shadows to dance over the walls. Soon I felt my head spinning, and then it wasn't just my head. My whole body started to turn and turn. I closed my eyes and put my hands on the floor to steady myself. All sorts of colors and flashes of light streaked over my closed eyelids. I thought I shouted. but I wasn't sure. What I was sure of was that I could hear Mommy playing on the piano below.
Suddenly I stopped spinning, and then I saw something out of the corner of my eye. A puff of smoke rose. Did it come from the candle in front of the picture of Auntie Helen Rot or did it come from the picture itself? I shifted my gaze to my right because another puff of smoke rose in front of Grandpa Jordan's picture, and then another from Great-Aunt Louise, another from Cousin Simon, and yet another from Grandmother Gussie's picture.
All the puffs rose and merged in front of me, and then the shadows that danced on the walls turned into the spirits Mommy had promised. They circled inc. I could hear them laughing. They moved faster and faster, their laughter louder, and then they stopped and returned to their pictures, the smoky forms almost sucked into the frames.
All was quiet. Mommy's piano music rose again, and there was Great-Grandpa Jordan sitting in his rocker, looking at me. He nodded.
"What a good child you are," he said. "I'm very proud of you. Very proud."
I heard giggling and saw three little girls kneeling beside me. When I reached out to touch them, they were one like popped bubbles, but just as soon as they were gone. I heard someone clear his throat and turned to see Uncle Peter, Great-Grandma Jordan's brother, standing and looking down at me, that gold pocket watch of his that was in his
photograph in his hand. He squinted and opened it.
"It's almost time," he said.
Then he was gone.
The shadows continued to dance on the walls, "Daddy!" I called. "Daddy."
The music seemed to get louder.
I felt fingers in my right hand and looked up to see him, my daddy, standing there, as young as he was when I was five.