"Daddy never says anything about that." "He's just trying to keep Mommy happy." "I can't do anything about it. Noble." I said.
"Yes, you can." he insisted, "You can be vou. As soon as you are, it will stop."
His request took my breath away.
"I can't do that," I said in a loud whisper.
Now the conversation was making me dizzy. Luminous white smoke circled around me. Was I really awake, or was all this part of a dream?
"Yes, you can." he insisted.
"I can't. Mommy would... would be very upset, and besides, she was told what had to be done and what I must do," I pointed out. "She can't go against it, and neither can I."
"You will," he said, his eves small and angry like they could be when we were younger and I had done something that irked him. "You will," he threatened.
He popped like a bubble.
Soon after that. I began to vomit in the morning. I was so nauseous. I had trouble getting dressed and going downstairs. I was sure it was somehow Noble's doing, his way to get even with me. and I was confident that he couldn't keep it up. Daddy would stop him. I was still afraid to tell Mommy anything about him. I was sure she would be so unhappy if she knew some of the things Noble had told me, especially what he wanted.
And then one day when the morning sickness diminished. I realized that my monthly bleeding had stopped. There were other times when it had stopped for a few months and then started again, but this was different. It was accompanied by a new sensitivity about my nipples and a change in color. Also. I found myself drifting off more, napping, being tired. I was going to the bathroom more often. too. I kept anticipating Mommy asking me about it, but she didn't appear to notice, and I thought it might all just pass soon.
One morning while I was examining myself, noting how much bigger my breasts had become and the small swelling in my stomach. I looked in the corner and saw Noble smiling.
"You wont be able to be me much longer," he said with an impish grin.
"Get out!" I screamed. "Get out!"
He laughed, but he disappeared. Mommy came up the stairway, calling to me.
"What is it. Noble?"
I began to wrap myself as quickly as I could.
"Is something wrong?" she asked from the doorway.
"No." I said. "I'm just being teased. Like I used to be," I added.
"Teased? Teased by Whom. Noble? Who would tease you?" she asked, standing in the doorway with a confused smile on her face.
I turned away from her quickly.
"I didn't mean teased. exactly. I meant annoyed. I'm annoyed with myself."
"Why?"
"I'm just not getting as much done as I want, and we're already well into fall."
"Oh. Well, you will. Be patient. I'm not unhappy with your work," she said.
She kissed me on the forehead and cheek and then left.
I stood there looking after her and wondering what would I do.
Days and then weeks went by with me keeping my secret locked in my heart. Sometimes, my heart felt more like a closed fist battling to keep itself closed. It burned in my chest. too. I would stop working and find myself out of breath. gasping for cool air. There were even times when I would have to keep swallowing to prevent words from charging up my throat, into my tongue, and out of my tight lips.
"How can I stop this?" I cried. I would just pause in whatever I was doing and, feeling certain Mommy couldn't hear me, scream my pleas and wait for some response, but a strange new thing happened.
Daddy wasn't appearing.