d, but she didn't move, nor did she speak. Nevertheless. I remained there and pleaded with her. I don't know how long I was there on my knees, but darkness fell around the house and my knees suddenly stung and ached. Baby Celeste was gone when I turned to look for her. and I could hear Panther crying. He sounded hoarse so I was sure he had been crying awhile and I had just not heard.
I pulled myself up and looked down at Mama. She had her head turned a bit to the right. Panicked. I felt for her pulse. It was there, but so very slight. She was running down like some old windup toy. I thought.
Ill make her something to eat. I'll prepare one of her many cereals with honey. If I get her to take in some food, she'll get better. I decided. Yes, that's all I have to do: get her to take in some food.
And I have to look after Panther and Baby Celeste as well. I thought, and rushed out. First things first. I told myself. After I've done everything that has to be done. I will sit in the living room in Grandpa Jordan's chair and I will wait to be told what I should do. That's it. They'll tell me. Things will be fine. I should have thought of that before. How silly of me. They won't let anything bad happen to us.
I went directly to Panther and changed his diaper first. Then I soothed him and calmed him and carried him down to feed him. He looked at Betsy's body with some curiosity, but no emotion. He didn't call to her or reach for her. Instead, he tightened his little arms around my neck.
"There, there," I said. It will be all right. Well all be fine," Baby Celeste was in the kitchen nibbling on a graham cracker.
"Hungry." she said angrily.
"I know. Celeste. I'm going to make us all dinner right now. Keep Panther occupied while I do it." I put him in his high chair. I gave him one of the crackers Baby Celeste was eating, and like a good girl she sat with him and talked to him while I worked on our dinner.
We are going to be fine. I thought. I fed them both. then I took the bowl of food with a cup of herbal tea up to Mama. She hadn't moved a muscle, changed her position one inch. I fixed the pillows and propped her up. but her head fell forward. I lifted it gently under the chin.
"Mama, please try to eat. I have something very good for you." I spooned some cereal into her mouth, but her jaw didn't move. The cereal remained on her tongue.
Maybe I can wash it down with water, I thought, and filled a glass. I held her head tilted and poured it in. She gagged and spit it up along with the cereal, but her eyes didn't open.
"What am I going to do?" I asked her silent face.
I stepped back and looked at her, then I walked out slowly, my head bowed, my shoulders sagging under the weight of such defeat. My thoughts were like Ping-Pong balls bouncing back and forth, pieces of this idea, pieces of that, but nothing sensible, no two sentences being completed. I was in a daze myself by the time I reached the bottom of the steps and avoided Betsy's broken body.
I put Panther in his playpen. Baby Celeste sat beside it and opened one of her books. and I sat in Grandpa Jordan's chair and waited with my eyes closed. I know I fell asleep because when I opened them again. Panther was asleep in the playpen and Baby Celeste was lying asleep on the sofa. The house was dark and silent.
It was then that an idea came to me. It came to me so vividly and firmly. I was sure it was coming from our spiritual family. It brought a smile to my face. Of course. I thought. I should have thought of it before. I got up and looked out the window, and sure enough, there they were, all of them gathered together, looking at the house and talking. Daddy was there, too, but someone was missing, someone I had to bring out as well.
I glanced at the children and decided they were fine. Then I hurried upstairs, not even noticing Betsy this time, and went directly to Mama's bedroom, opened the dresser drawer, and got the door key. Mama was still propped up as I had left her to feed her, but her head was down and her arms limp.
"Everything will be fine soon. Mama." I said. "Just wait and you'll see."
Excited. I ran up the small stairway to the turret room and opened the door. I knew just where to go and what to get. It took me only a few minutes to do that and be out and downstairs again. I went back to Mama's room and stripped naked. Then I went into her shower and scrubbed myself well, luxuriating in the lather of her perfumed soap. As soon as I was out and dried. I began to brush my hair differently. I sat at her vanity table and put on my makeup just the way I had experimented with it some time ago. Buoyed by what I saw in the mirror. I put on the bra, the panties, and the dress I had chosen long ago as my favorite during one of my secret visits to the turret room. I slipped on the shoes and I looked at myself in the mirror.
"Oh. Mama," I cried. "I am beautiful. Look at me. Look at me once and see me, really see me," I pleaded.
I was sure she raised her head and looked, and then she smiled. I was sure of it. I smiled back.
"Celeste." I was sure she said it. "My darling Celeste. You've come home." "Yes. Mama. I'm back for good." I hugged her and was sure she hugged me.
Then I hurried out and down the stairs. I had to show everyone. That was very, very important.
I stepped out of the house and walked to the edge of the porch. "Look at me!" I shouted.
They all turned.
Daddy was smiling. "My left arm!" he cried.
Off to my right, a shadow lifted from an unmarked grave. Everyone turned to look. The shadow came out of the little cemetery and slowly made its way down toward the house. When it drew close enough, we could all see. It was Noble, and he, too, was smiling.
"My right arm! Daddy cried.
Noble went to him and Daddy put his arms around him. I stepped off the porch and they both approached me and embraced me.
We three turned and looked up. That was Mama ' looking out and down at us. I was sure.
"How wonderful," Daddy said. "We'll all be together again." "Yes. Daddy. I told him.