“Yes,” he said. “I know where my mother kept her supplies. They’re old, but . . .”
“That’s fine. Please,” I said, and he turned and hurried up the stairs.
I looked at Mr. Moccasin, who was sitting there watching me and looking as contented as could be.
I started to laugh. I couldn’t help it. I had been so tense and frightened of Anthony’s reaction.
I laughed until I began to cry, which was how he found me when he returned.
For the time being, he was full of sympathy and confusion, and I was suddenly full of new hope.
19
Haylee
Everyone’s eyes were on me when I walked into my first-period class. There wasn’t a celebrity on television or in the movies who could have captured this much attention, I thought. Next thing you knew, some of them would ask for my autograph to prove that they really did know the famous
Fitzgerald twins.
I looked straight ahead as I entered the room, keeping my face full of tension and pain and clearly appearing, I was sure, like someone who didn’t want to be there, be anywhere, for that matter. I’m sure they saw how subdued my makeup was and how what I was wearing was something I wouldn’t have normally chosen. I had no jewelry on, either, no earrings, bracelets, or necklaces. Some of the girls actually looked like they were going to cry for me. Even the boys seemed embarrassed by their own emotions and quickly looked away or down.
“Sorry, I’m late, Mr. Madeo,” I said to our English teacher, and I sat at my desk with obvious reluctance and pain. I glanced at my sister’s empty desk while doing so and thought I heard an audible gasp from Melody Wilkes, who sat right behind Kaylee.
“It’s all right, Haylee,” Mr. Madeo said. “We’re talking about the second act of Macbeth. It’s on page 235 of your textbook.”
“I haven’t gotten a chance to read it yet,” I said. “Sorry.”
“That’s fine. Just listen for now.”
He looked totally off balance, which was something new for him. It would be new for all my teachers as they worked through how to speak to me. They’d all be afraid that they might cause me to start crying. I kept my eyes on my textbook for most of the period, but I didn’t read a word or hear much of what Mr. Madeo or anyone in the class said. I could feel everyone looking at me. Maybe they were afraid I would start sobbing uncontrollably whenever I chanced a glance at Kaylee’s empty seat. Once or twice, I took emphatic deep breaths and pressed the back of my hand to my mouth as if I was trying not to throw up.
Seconds after the bell rang, the girls were around me, offering to do all sorts of things for me. I thanked them all, and then, like a princess walking down a red carpet, I made my way through the halls to my next class, keeping my gaze forward but collecting the looks of surprise and interest from all the others who saw me. Many started whispering to one another. The word of my arrival flew through the building, and before the bell rang for the next class to start, Ryan was there at the door, wanting to know why I hadn’t had him pick me up this morning.
“It was a last-minute decision,” I said. “I didn’t think I’d have the strength to do it, but my father and our psychiatric nurse thought it was best if I tried to get on with normal life for now.” I said it loudly enough for all the students around us to hear.
“Well, I’m taking you home,” he insisted. “And I’ll be there every morning to take you to school.”
“Thank you, Ryan. You are so sweet and dependable,” I said, touching his cheek. He turned a shade of crimson. I left him looking a little stunned and took my seat again, this time in science class, one I hated. You had to pay too much attention and take too many notes, something Kaylee always did for us. Again, as it would do in every class, Kaylee’s empty desk shouted out more loudly to everyone because I was there.
Ryan had moved so slowly after talking to me that he was late to his next class. When I saw him later, he said his teacher had warned him that he’d be in detention if it happened one more time. I told him he just couldn’t let that happen. Who would take me home? I made sure that everyone nearby heard me say that I didn’t want to put any more of a burden on my father’s shoulders. We were the center of attention. Those around us stopped talking to hear every word. I felt like there was a spotlight constantly on me.
Time for a close-up, I thought, and smiled to myself.
I didn’t know when I’d had a better time in school. There were so many girls around me in the cafeteria talking all at once that I could barely get a word in, much less my food. That was fine. My silence and lack of appetite confirmed everyone’s suspicions about how much I must be suffering. Ryan was at my side, but there were other boys looking at me now, and whenever I did sneak in a smile, it was for one of them.
“I can’t imagine how terrible this is for you and your family,” Amanda Sanders told me as we all left the cafeteria. “I’m planning a house party this Saturday night and thought maybe you could come. It would help take your mind off it for a little while. Of course, I understand if you don’t think it’s proper or anything and . . .”
“No, it’s a good idea,” I said, nodding. “My father wants me to slowly get back into things. Thank you.”
“I’ll be sure to invite Ryan.”
“Oh, invite as many boys as you want,” I replied, then forced a smile and left her fumbling for the right words to say. She didn’t want to sound too happy in front of me.
Everyone was tiptoeing with words and smiles, unsure how to act with a girl whose twin sister had been abducted and could very well never be seen again. It amused me to see how this was true even for my teachers, the principal, and the guidance counselor, all of whom tried extra hard to make me comfortable.
That first day, Ryan was a chatterbox when he took me home. Everyone knew that he had been visiting me, but seeing us together in school heightened his importance in their eyes. He described how he was always being interrogated about me and what he knew about my sister’s disappearance.
“What did you tell them?” I asked. “I hope you didn’t tell any of your friends too much about us.”