“Betrayed and embarrassed,” I said. “Thanks for adding all that to the load I carry, but oh, thank you for the pizza, too.”

“Kaylee,” he said, but I shut the door before he could continue, and I didn’t look back.

And thank you again, too, Haylee, I thought as I walked away. Your actions will ripple into eternity.

The dorm was quiet when I entered a good two hours earlier than our curfew on a Saturday night. I practically tiptoed to my and Claudia’s room. Thankfully, she and Marcy were still out. I managed to get myself ready for bed without seeing any of the other girls. When I got into bed, I sat up with my arms folded across my breasts and thought about everything.

No, I thought, now defiant and raging with fury. I wouldn’t do what my father wanted and agree to see Haylee’s psychiatrist. I didn’t for one moment believe what my father believed or hoped, that she was finally regretful and repentant. She was still conniving to get her way; she always would be. I won’t stop hating her; I won’t.

Thinking and even saying it aloud made me feel better, but only for a little while. Hating Haylee now was easy. Forgiving her was difficult, and loving her again seemed nearly impossible, despite what I had told Dr. Alexander. However, the realization did nothing to cheer me up or relieve any of the pain. I only fell into a deeper funk. I was tired of hating myself because of what I had become and even more tired of trying not to.

I glanced across the room at Claudia’s dresser. I knew what she had put under her neatly folded socks in that drawer after she and Marcy had returned from their double date. I had pretended not to notice when they giggled and Marcy passed it to her, urging her to hide it.

I rose slowly, moving like someone in a trance, and opened her dresser drawer. I felt under the socks and found the packet of Ecstasy. After I took one pill out, I put it all back as neatly as I could and closed the drawer. I held the pill in my palm for a few moments and debated with myself. I could be expelled for this, and what a mess that would create. It would reinforce the belief that I was contaminated, that I had been so violated there was no possibility of any recuperation.

But I couldn’t stand this disappointment and depression that made me feel like I had swallowed dark shadows. Taking one of these pills was definitely something Haylee would do, but I wasn’t going to get to sleep anyway, and if there was one thing I didn’t want the moment the girls returned, it was the two of them seeing me upset. I just wasn’t ready to answer questions. I’d never be ready.

I downed the pill with the glass of water on my night table and returned to bed, sitting up just the way I had been. I remained there, defiantly expecting relief, waiting and watching the clock. I felt no different after ten minutes and only a lot more restless after twenty. This was disappointing. It wasn’t changing my mood the way others my age had claimed it did and the way I had seen it change Haylee’s. Probably a weak dose, I thought, and rose quickly to return to Claudia’s drawer. I took out the packet and plucked another pill, not putting it back as neatly as I had previously. I didn’t even close the drawer all the way, but I didn’t notice at first and then thought, what difference did it make? No one was going to complain about my stealing her pills.

I swallowed the second one and went back to my position on the bed. I was starting to feel warmer. I was even sweating a little. I couldn’t continue simply to sit. I got up and began walking about the room. I paused when I thought there was someone at the window. It was Troy, I decided. He’d come back to spy on me or something. I rushed to the window and threw it open. The cold air was like a splash of ice water over my face and breasts. Nevertheless, I leaned out and looked left and right.

“Are you out here in the shadows again?” I screamed. “Listening for another phone call?”

I saw a car pull up to the dorm. The headlights washed the side of the building. There wasn’t anyone standing there. I heard laughter coming from the car and quickly stepped back and shut the window. Shortly after, there was noise in the hallway and more laughter, Marcy’s laughter. I went to the door to listen and heard Mrs. Rosewell telling them to be quieter.

“There are girls who didn’t go out and are asleep,” she said. “We must respect others, or they won’t respect us.”

Nothing could sound sillier to me at the moment. Respect others, or they won’t respect us? I opened the door and leaned out.

“Will you stop being so quiet!” I screamed. Marcy and Claudia froze. Mrs. Rosewell gaped at me. “Sorry,” I said. “I was trying to stay awake.”

Marcy’s face practically exploded with laughter, and the two of them hurried down the hall, promising Mrs. Rosewell that they would be quiet, we’d all be quiet. She remained there watching suspiciously. Marcy pushed me back, and Claudia followed, closing the door behind her.

I started to laugh again and slapped my palms over my face to muffle the sound. The expressions on their faces made m

e laugh harder.

“What’s going on?” Marcy asked. She brightened with the realization. “What are you on?”

“On? On the earth,” I said.

Everything I said and everything they did made me laugh. The two of them practically smothered me and forced me back onto my bed.

“Check it out,” Marcy told Claudia.

Claudia opened the door slightly and peered out.

“She’s gone,” she said.

“Great. Kaylee, what did you take? What’s going on? And don’t start laughing.”

“He was in the shadows,” I said.

“What? Who?”

“Never mind. Never mind anything. Never.”

Claudia’s suspicious eyes turned from me, and her gaze went to her dresser.

Tags: V.C. Andrews The Mirror Sisters Suspense
Source: readsnovelonline.net