“She went to pick up Marla. I’m not permitted to be on the school grounds during a suspension. I’m sorry, but you have to go to school with me tomorrow to meet with the principal. Anyone suspended can’t return without one of his or her parents meeting with him. There’s a message about it on the phone answering machine.”
“This is precisely the wrong time for something like this to happen,” Mrs. Fennel muttered.
“Go to your room,” Daddy ordered. “I’ll speak with Ava about this before I come to see you.”
“Don’t tell us how sorry you are again,” Mrs. Fennel warned instantly. “You know how I feel about that stupid word.”
I nodded, lowered my head, and walked off to my bedroom. I knew from the stories I overheard at school that kids my age often lied to their parents. Some bragged about how successful they were, not even realizing that they were making their own parents sound gullible and stupid. In fact, the way they spoke about it made it seem as if they believed that kids our age who told their parents the truth about what they did were the stupid ones. For most of my life, I couldn’t help but want to be more like the other girls and boys in my classes, but I never wanted to feel good about fooling Daddy and Mrs. Fennel.
Being a good liar, however, had become part of the job description. Clever liars mixed their fabrications with half-truths and thus muddied the waters, making it more difficult for their parents to understand what was true and what wasn’t. Others left out the unpleasant things or things that would anger their parents. The stock excuse once they were caught was a simple “I forgot.” From what I could see of some of these kids, they were very good at it. They could lie with straight faces, lie to their teachers, to their families, and even to their friends, without feeling a bit remorseful or guilty when they were caught. To me, that was like building relationships on a foundation of bubbles.
But too many famous, powerful, and influential people had been caught lying, and once they were exposed, they apologized and sounded and looked remorseful. They talked about the burden now on their shoulders to win back the trust of those they loved. They were so successful at it that lying was rapidly becoming a minor infraction and hardly a sin. Even those who perjured themselves in courtrooms could get good lawyers and get away with it. Why was it such a surprise, then, to see young people relying on falsehoods?
Even so, and with all of the reasons for me to be less conflicted about it, I still felt terrible about lying to Daddy. I saw the pain in his eyes, the disappointment. It was enough to make my heart feel like a pincushion.
I couldn’t help but wonder what it was that both Mrs. Fennel and Daddy had expected when I had described how my body would suddenly harden. Neither seemed terribly concerned. Was this happening to me because of the things she fed us? Was it somehow part of the normal changes that occurred in a young woman? Nothing in my high school health class suggested such a thing, but I never felt that our teacher, who was also a part-time nurse, was comfortable discussing sexual maturing. It was probably a mistake to have boys and girls in the same class.
I went into my room, sat on my bed, and waited. I knew it wouldn’t be long before Ava and Marla would be there. It suddenly occurred to me that Ava might have tricked me. The possibility brought the blood into my face. What if she acted as if she didn’t know a thing about my story when Daddy asked her? I’d be trapped and have to confess to a bundle of lies. Maybe she and Marla had been plotting against me all along. Now that I thought more about it, I wondered why Ava would risk angering Daddy and Mrs. Fennel for me, anyway. Did she hate the fact that I had a boyfriend, someone I really cared for and who cared for me that much? Was her hatred of my succeeding in having something of a normal relationship so great that she would take the risk just to get me to destroy that relationship?
Where was the truth sleeping among all these lies, and if I found it, would I be able to wake it up? Did I want to? I didn’t know where to put my loyalty at this moment. With Buddy? With myself? With Daddy? The house felt full of sticky cobwebs. Spiders and snakes crawled over everything. Never before had I felt as if I was living in a nest of vipers the way I did at that moment.
The moment I heard them drive up, I rose and looked out the window. They emerged from Ava’s car, laughing the way they had been laughing when they had come home from school the day before. They looked closer than ever, real sisters hugging each other, bumping shoulders softly. I felt completely alienated from them.
Panic set in as a silence fell over the house. I felt a fluttering in my chest and a trembling in my legs. I took deep breaths and returned to my bed. The minutes that passed seemed more like hours to me. How well would Ava hold up in the cross-examination, even if she wanted to support the story? Would Mrs. Fennel frighten and threaten her until she told the truth? Would my bedroom door open and all four of them be standing out there looking in at me as if I was the biggest traitor the family had ever known, their eyes gaping, their faces distorted with rage?
Even before I knew the answers, tears began. Why shouldn’t I cry? What other love had I known until then but Daddy’s love? He had filled me with his poetry and his music, his vast knowledge and wisdom. I was as much part of him as I was of anyone or anything. He had cared for me, protected me, and placed his faith in me, as I had placed mine in him. In seconds, that might all be gone, and then what would I
be? Who would I be? What would I have? The same fear of loneliness and abandonment I had felt all my young life came rushing back over me.
Anyone condemning me or judging me badly for having this fear would have had to have been abandoned first, would have had to have experienced life without family and friends, and would have had to have known nothing more about themselves than what they had been told. I had found the picture of a woman who could be my mother, but I had not found out anything about her. I had no grandparents, no real uncles and aunts, and no cousins. I was someone without any history except for the history I had been given. That had all supposedly begun the day I was plucked out of an orphanage. When I was sent away, I would have no name. Yes, before anyone condemned me for being so frightened and so upset about what might happen to me, he or she would have to stand in my shoes.
I heard footsteps in the hallway and knew from the sound that it was only Daddy who was coming to see me. I wiped away the tears from my cheeks and sat up straight, holding my breath until he opened the door.
“I swear, the two of you will be the death of me,” he said. “Do you know why your sister was late for dinner last night and why she called you? Of course you don’t. You said you didn’t, but you’d never imagine.”
I waited, yet to take a breath.
“She was afraid we would move away from here before she had helped you be your father’s daughter. She went and answered one of those personal advertisements through the Internet. Frankly, I never thought of any of you doing that. There’s a potential gold mine there. She had to meet the prospect. I guess I can’t fault her for being clever, but I do fault the both of you for messing up, for being careless and getting yourself in trouble at school,” he added, but not with the violent anger I had anticipated. “Mrs. Fennel’s correct. This is not good timing for something like this, not that there is ever a good time for it for us.”
I took a breath. “I know Mrs. Fennel hates my saying it, but I can’t help it, Daddy. I’m sorry.”
He nearly laughed. I felt my body soften and relax. “Well, Mrs. Fennel believes that in a world where no one could say he or she was sorry, fewer mistakes would be made. People would be more careful.”
He stepped up to me, took my chin in his hand, and gazed at my face.
“You’re too beautiful not to forgive, Lorelei. I know deep in your heart, you don’t want to do anything that would hurt me, hurt all of us. Soon you will be fully mature, fully realize your potential and purpose, and then you will be unstoppable. This really is the wrong time to be making any mistakes. You’re too close. I think you understand that now. Instinctively, you do.”
I tried to nod, but he was holding my chin too tightly. I could feel the strength flowing through his fingers and into my face.
“I’ll go with you to school tomorrow. We have a little more time here yet, and I want you to be all right, for all of us to be all right, until we leave.”
“Where will we go, Daddy?”
“We’re going to Louisiana,” he said. “There are many new opportunities there for us since the floods.”
He was still holding my chin between his thumb and fingers.
“So, I’m going to forgive you for this mistake, Lorelei. I want you to feel and appreciate my forgiveness,” he added, and slowly lowered himself so he could bring his lips to mine. It was a kiss unlike any he had ever given me, a kiss that didn’t awaken the daughter in me but awakened the woman. “There,” he said. “Sealed with a kiss.”