The blood rushed to my face. Did he know? Had he always known or was the secret out?
He turned back to me.
"I'm Emma March's son," he said. "I have to start acting like a mature, responsible person. I resented my mother. I know there were lots of times I thought I hated her and there were lots of times she wasn't really a grandmother to you and to Ian, and certainly not a mother-in-law to Caroline, but life's too short to fill your time with resentment and," he said. smiling. "self-pity. If she says that to me one more time...-. He shook his head. "It's too easy, too convenient to blame other people for your own mistakes. Jordan. Yes, it makes you feel better on the surface, but deep down inside you know you're lying to the most important person in your life."
"Who?"
"Yourself" he said. "Lies are the worst kind of ghosts... they constantly haunt you. They wait behind the mirror and emerge every time you look at yourself."
No lies, no secrets, I thought. If that was the pledge between two best friends, why shouldn't it be the pledge between a father and a daughter? I have to tell him.
But he wants to be Emma March's son now, another voice inside me said. Hers finally become comfortable with it. How can you send him reeling- back into what Ian would.1 surely call a web of deceit? How can it be right to hurt him so much?
Besides, you're not the keeper of this truth. It belongs to Grandmother Emma. She is the only one who can unlock it, if it is to be unlocked.
Oh, how I miss my mother, I thought. She would surely know what I should and shouldn't say.
"Isn't Mommy getting any better. Daddy?" I asked. My eves started to fill with tears just asking.
"Yes, there's improvement. I don't want to build up your hopes too much. I don't know how long it will take or if it will ever happen that your mother returns to us the way she was. We can only hope and pray."
Will we pray?
When did we pray together last?
Isn't it stronger when we're all together or there is more than one of us saying the same prayer? Won't our voices be louder? "You and I should go to church and pray then. Daddy," I said. He looked at me, smiled and nodded.
"Yeah, maybe," he said. "Hey, Felix, does our church provide for the disabled?"
Felix looked in the rearview minor. Daddy was smiling.
"Mr. March, everyone who goes to church comes with some disability or another."
Daddy laughed.
Laughter. I thought as we rode on. What a sweet sound when it comes from the people whom you love and who love you. It's as comforting as warm milk. Maybe that was why Great-aunt Frances wanted it so much in her life and turned everything she could, even a simple dinner, into a party.
As soon as we arrived at the mansion. Daddy was surprised to hear immediately from Mr. Pond, Grandmother Emma's attorney. He told him that she wanted me brought to see her as soon as possible. She was now at a special clinic for stroke victim's therapy. After my father spoke with Mr . Pond. He asked Nancy to tell me to come down from my room.
Although I had spent so much time in this roam before I'd been taken to live with Great-aunt Frances, it seemed so strange for me to be returned to it. All of the things I had left in it were still there, of course, and there was nothing different about the room, nothing added or changed. Yet without Ian nearby or my parents down the hall, and without even
Grandmother Emma close, I felt what everyone had feared I would feel-- terribly lonely. I immediately fantasized bringing Alanis here to live with me and go to my school. It was an impossible dream. I knew. but I sat there imagining it, imagining how we would enjoy the mansion, the grounds, the pool, all of it. With a sister it would all make so much more sense. I thought.
"Apparently," Daddy told me after I came downstairs. "your grandmother thinks it's more important for you to see her before I even get you enrolled in your school. And," he said. smiling, "you're to visit her alone. She knows about Great-aunt Frances, of course. She knew almost as quickly as I did. She'll probably ask you a lot about it. and I'm sure, now that she knows you're here, she probably wants to find out the nitty- gritty about me as well. She wants to make you her little spy. That's all right," he added. "If I have to have anyone spy on me, I'd rather it be you."
"I won't be a spy, Daddy," I said.
"Whatever. Go make her happy. Tell her whatever she wants to know. She still the queen. Felix will bring you there in the morning. I'll start the process to get you back into school. I've ordered that specially equipped car I told you about, by the way. Soon. I'll be the one who brings you to school and picks you up. when I'm not tending to business, but I promise, that'll be the only reason I'm not,"
"I'd like that,Daddv," I said.
"Me. too. Nancy's preparing one of your favorite meals. Southern fried chicken."
I smiled. "I should get dressed up for it," I said.
"Pardon?"
"Get a Gone With the Wind dress."