It was as if the chair had powers, for Cary's face took on Uncle Jacob's serious demeanor. May and I took our usual seats. There was that same moment of quiet that preceded all of our dinners. May looked expectantly at Cary and he reached for the Bible.
"Dad left a marker where he thought I should read tonight," he explained and began. --Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world.' " He paused as if the words were choking him.
"Why don't you choose your own selection tonight, Cary?" I suggested. I could see the indecision in his eyes as he thought about my suggestion. It was like challenging the king, doing something deliciously forbidden. His eyes brightened with mischief.
"Okay," he said. "I will." He turned the pages, paused, and gazed at me as he read. "From the Song of Solomon. 'How fair is Thy love, my sister, my spouse! How much better is thy love than wine, and the smell of thine ointments than all spices! Thy lips, 0 my spouse, drop as the honeycomb: honey and milk are under thy tongue.' " He paused and gazed at May and then at me with his face bronzed in pride and defiance.
"Not one your father would have chosen," I said, impressed with the intensity of his reading. He had never sounded more grown-up to me. For a second, he had actually taken my breath away.
"You wanted me to make my own choice and I did," he said with firm defiance.
He and I gazed at each other.
"I'm glad you did," I said.
He smiled.
"Actually, you look pretty in that dress," he said. "Sort of special."
I smiled.
"Thank you."
May began to sign, wondering why it was taking us so long to begin eating. Daddy never made us wait this long, she emphasized.
We laughed, grateful for the light moment, and started to pass the dishes to each other.
Afterward, Cary helped May and me clean up and put everything away. We left the kitchen as spotless as Aunt Sara did.
"What's this meditating all about?" Cary asked, and I told him some of the things Holly had told me. Of course, he was skeptical, raising his right eyebrow higher than his left as I spoke. I described what I had felt when I did what she instructed and concentrated on my breathing.
"You got like that just by listening to yourself breathe?" he asked with doubting eyes.
"By tuning into myself," I corrected. "Would you like to try?" I asked. "Or are you afraid of what you'll find?"
His eyes sharpened and then narrowed at my challenge.
"Okay. Show me."
"Wait in the living room," I said and ran upstairs to get the incense. I brought it down quickly and set it in a sugar bowl. Then I lit it and placed it in front of us on the floor. May sat by, watching with fascination as I got Cary to assume the lotus
position--or as close as he could get to folding his legs over one another without toppling over.
"I wish I had her music, but we'll try without it for now," I said.
"I can hum something. How about 'The Battle Hymn of the Republic." "
"Cary Logan, if you're not going to be serious . . ." "All right. I'm sorry," he said, holding up his hands and laughing. "That stuff sure smells."
"It's supposed to. Okay, concentrate, drive away all thoughts and just listen to yourself take breaths, but don't hurry or slow your breathing, understand?"
"Gotcha," he said and we began.
"Melody?" he said after only a few seconds.
"Shh. Concentrate," I said.
We were both quiet. I felt him gaze at me and then he stared ahead. I think he was really beginning to get into it, too, when suddenly, the front door opened and Uncle Jacob and Aunt Sara appeared.