The future was a blank canvas.
For the first time in my entire life, I actually hated that.
Chapter Seventeen
Seven Weeks later
“You sound miserable, Brandon,” my sister said, not pulling any punches.
“Thanks, Madeline,” I said dryly, walking down Fifth Avenue. “I’m just tired. There’s been a lot of pressure with this season.” There had been. But we were above five hundred for the season, which was more than anyone had expected. I considered it a success so far, but I had wanted to do more. Do better. I was disappointed and wanted to finish strong with the final two games.
“I’m not talking about football. I’m talking about your pathetic love life. I don’t understand why you let Dakota walk away from you.”
I was worried about that too. I was worried that the real reason I wasn’t sleeping was because I missed Dakota. It felt like every single breath I took was extra effort, like every smile was strained, like every moment was a litany of regret that I hadn’t done more to show Dakota what she meant to me.
That did not, however, mean I wanted my sister calling me pathetic. “Oh, well, thanks. That makes me feel better. I didn’t want Dakota to leave, but she got a job offer. What was I supposed to do?”
“We’re just worried about you.”
I was worried about myself, to be totally honest, but I wasn't about to share that with her. “Who is we?”
“Me and Chris.”
“You discuss my pathetic love life with your husband? That’s fantastic.” I glanced over at a boutique. I saw a brunette coming out of the door that I recognized as one of Dakota’s friends. “I have to go. I’ll call you back.”
I ended the call without waiting for my sister’s response and approached Felicia. She had her baby bundled up and sitting in a stroller. She was struggling to get out of the shop. I opened the door wide and held it for her.
“Thank you,” she said. Then she glanced over at me. “Oh, Brandon! Hi, how are you?”
“I’m okay. How are you?” I made a goofy face at the baby, who I had met after the game the day Dakota’s friends had all hung out with her in my box. I was rewarded with a blank stare. “Not into comedy, huh?” I asked the baby, making an even more outrageous face.
“She’s just up from her nap and she’s still shell shocked, don’t take it personally. I’m aces. Aside from the lack of sleep from Amelia’s teething, I couldn’t be happier.” She pulled the stroller in front of the boutique window.
“Do you live in this neighborhood?” I asked. “I live two blocks from here.”
“I’m right around the corner. We’re practically neighbors.” Felicia bent over to adjust the baby’s knit hat. “Dakota is back in town. Have you seen her?”
The question sounded innocent enough. Given that I’d never told Dakota how I felt, it wasn’t really a weighty question. “No, I didn’t realize she was back already.” I was disappointed I hadn’t heard from her, which was stupid. She might text the girls to see them, but she wouldn't reach out to me.
We had agreed we were done.
Felicia studied me. “What happened between you two?” she asked, bluntly. “Because I thought for certain there was something going on.”
I shrugged, as if it didn’t matter. I wasn’t sure how convincing I was. I sure hadn’t convinced myself. “Nothing happened. She got a job and left. That’s what we always agreed on.”
“She never told you how she felt?”
I wasn’t sure what Felicia was driving at. “No. I mean, I don’t think so. Or maybe I do. I know how Dakota feels about a lot of things. She doesn’t exactly hold back what she’s thinking.” Which was what made me confident her feelings for me were not the same as mine toward her.
“You have to understand Dakota,” Felicia said. The wind blew her long dark hair across her face and she pushed it aside. “She’s an unintentional guru, you know. People think she’s just a good time, then she bursts out with something incredibly profound and insightful.”
I thought of the night we met and how she had told me my superpower was being there when people needed me. It might have been the best compliment I’d ever received. “She’s an amazing woman,” I said, still unsure where Felicia was trying to steer me.
“That doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have the same insecurities as everyone else when it comes to love.”
Now I was totally lost. “I have no idea what you’re trying to tell me,” I said, going for honesty. I had to be at the school for parent-teacher conferences in fifteen minutes.
“She’s in love with you, Brandon. She thinks she did the noble thing for the girls by leaving because you didn’t want to date and risk it all going down the loo.”