“These girls really know how to party!” the Sultanah said with a loud cackle. “Now, Mordecai, please introduce me to all these lovely people.”
Mordecai quickly made introductions all around, and Lucie found that the Sultanah couldn’t have been more down-to-earth and friendly. Lucie found herself transfixed by this beautiful woman with huge eyes that were further accentuated with heavy Elizabeth Taylor–style eye shadow.
“It’s so nice to have you youngsters around. Thank you for joining us dinosaurs on this adventure!” the Sultanah said to Lucie and Charlotte with a warm smile, before turning to Mordecai. “So where’s Queen Mary?”
“Queen Mary?” Mordecai cocked his head.
The Sultanah gestured at the empty dock, her kiwi-fruit-sized emerald ring flashing in the sun. “The big boat you were telling me all about?”
“Ah, yes! Har har, very funny. The yacht should be arriving at any minute, Your Majesty.” He turned to the rest of the group and announced, “My dear friends the Murphys, who own Villa Lachowski, have the most stunning yacht that they are so graciously sending here just for the Sultanah. It was decorated by Alberto Pinto, and it’s one of the ten biggest yachts in the world.”
Right as he uttered those words, a pair of black rubber dinghies sped into the harbor and pulled up alongside their dock.
“Meester Epussy?” the boatman in the first dinghy asked in thickly accented English.
“You mean Baron von Ephrussí? Yes, that’s me,” Mordecai said in his most snotty tone, snapping to attention.
“Okay, how many?” the boatman asked gruffly.
“Er…are we supposed to get on these little boats? Are they going to take us to the yacht?” Mordecai asked, confused.
“No yacht. We go to villa now.”
“In these rubber dinghies? You must be joking!”
“No joke. We go now, okay?” the boatman insisted, clearly annoyed.
“Please call your boss, or whoever manages the Murphys’ fleet. There’s been some mistake. They were supposed to send the big yacht, not a tiny dinghy!”
“Mordecai, these aren’t dinghies. These are Goldfish Rib Boats. They are high-performance speedboats and really quite expensive,” Auden explained, highly amused by the situation.
“Goldfish, catfish, angelfish, I don’t care what they are. Her Majesty cannot ride all the way to Positano on this bloody thing!”
“Actually, I would love to ride on this thing! It looks like such fun!” the Sultanah chimed in.
Mordecai’s jaw dropped, not quite sure what to say.
“The queen has spoken! Let’s get on with it. Andiamo!?” snapped Olivia. “Your Majesty, allow me to help you aboard.”
The Sultanah got into the first boat with one bodyguard, Mordecai, Olivia, and Charlotte, while Lucie, the Ortiz sisters, Auden, and the other bodyguard rode in the second boat. Because of the way the Goldfish was designed, there were no proper seats. Instead, there were upright patrol seats that resembled back braces for the passengers to lean against while gripping the handlebars in front of them for support. The Sultanah, who stood right behind the boatman, said to him, “I’ve seen these before at a military inspection parade. My army uses them for tactical missions. I hear they go very fast.”
“Yes, very fast,” the boatman replied, as he piloted slowly out of the marina.
“Let’s see how fast it can go! I have a need for speed!” the Sultanah gleefully declared.
“Okay. Hold on tight!” the boatman said as he revved up the engine and the Goldfish took off like a rocket.
“Jesus Mary!” Mordecai shrieked, almost falling off the back. He gripped on to his handlebar tightly, not quite believing how fast the boat was going. As soon as they were out on the open sea, the boat began bouncing on top of the waves so violently that it seemed like a roller coaster ride gone out of control. Mordecai held on for dear life as the boat zipped across the Bay of Naples at what seemed like warp speed.
“Slow down! Slow the fuck down!” Mordecai screamed, but between the wind and the roar of the engine, it was impossible for the boatman to hear him. His knuckles were white from gripping, and he didn’t know how much longer he could hold on before he was flung out of the boat. Mordecai watched helplessly as the Sultanah kept getting jolted several inches into the air every time the Goldfish hit wave after wave. One big wave and she would be tossed like a rag doll into the Mediterranean. Why weren’t they given life jackets? Suddenly, the headline that would surely go viral around the world flashed before his eyes:
SULTANAH OF PENANG DROWNS OFF THE AMALFI COAST:
BARON VON EPHRUSSÍ TO BLAME
* “Ready for the queen!” in Malay.
IX