He knew those guys. Come to think of it, I know them, too. They were at my school, hanging around Ross like stray dogs hoping for scraps.
Shit.
This is the thing with returning home: nobody else has left. Nothing has changed. It's a place caught in the web of time.
Few people live in a town like Destiny, and even fewer ever leave. Few get the chance. That means all the scum and filth is right where I left it.
Right here.
God, I have to get away, fast. Suddenly talking to Dad about college and the future feels urgent. Somehow I have to make the topic come up while leaving out what happened tonight, and keeping my fingers crossed it won’t happen again.
Not sure what I’ll do if it does. The panic that will grip me, the rush decisions I might make, like buy a bus ticket and just run away.
Again.
And... Ross. What in the world just happened? Why would he defend me? Discarding his harsh words, putting them aside for a second, why would he come to my rescue?
And actually, why did he let those guys beat him up in the first place? Oh sure, he shoved them back once or twice, but he let them get their punches in. He had blood running down his chin, and a black eye, and older bruises on his face and arms.
A guy like him, tall and muscular, strong. Aggressive. He’s always swaggered about, or stalked, moving like a dangerous animal, a predator, pale eyes intense and confidence in his every step.
He still moves like that, still has that dangerous air about him, but he’s holding back.
I stare at the dark stars above and worry my lower lip between my teeth, trying to figure out this puzzle. Where does he fit in—his saving me, his reluctance to fight back, his words.
“You shouldn’t have come back,” he said. “You should have stayed away from this town.”
And he’s right. It’s what I keep telling myself, this last attack driving the point home more than ever.
In my memory’s eye, I examine the look on his face, the shadows in his eyes, the clench of his jaw, of his fists. The softness underneath the roughness of his voice, of his words.
“I didn’t do it for you.”
But then also, “I won’t do this ever again, you hear me,” as if I’d have expected something else. Something more. Something good.
Why would I ever expect anything from him? Anything at all, except for pain.
***
Keeping Ross out of my mind is paramount if I want to hold on to my sanity, but it’s hard to do when Dena can’t stop talking about him. He’s a hot topic in town, it seems—or at least in Mike’s Diner.
It’s still early today, not so many customers, and she’s wiping down the trays and talking, a running monologue with no end in sight, despite me doing my best not to show any signs of interest.
“... and then he took the extra fries I’d put in for him, just a little treat, trying to get him to even look at me, and he didn’t even say thank you. Took the fries and ate them and that was it. To this day I don’t know if he noticed it was extra, I mean, since he’s not paying and all. I was so mad, I tell you. One day I mentioned it to him, I said, you don’t deserve kindness, Mister, because you don’t pay attention when someone tries to treat you nicely. And you know what he said?”
“No, what?” I bite my lip, because I wasn’t going to reply or otherwise betray my fascination with her stories.
I’m drawn in despite my resolution and my efforts to ignore Dena’s ramblings about her favorite bad boy. I loathe the fact I’m so thirsty for any knowledge about Ross, but especially after the other night when he stood up to the other bullies, I’m just... curious. Interested.
Though I really shouldn’t be.
Dena huffs. “He said, “Kindness. Kindness doesn’t do it for me, sweets. My dad always said you had to beat everything into me.” Can you imagine?”
“He said that?” I swallow back horror, tell myself to cool down. I’d heard such stories before. Not all parents are kind.
Stop listening, Luna.
“Yeah. I mean, it’s no secret that his old man beat the living shit out of him all the time as he grew up. Makes you wonder how Ross would’ve turned out in a different life. Growing up with his mom’s murderer can’t have been a walk in the park.”