Resilient. That’s what she is. Even after going through so much, she refuses to appear defeated, whereas other people would be wallowing in self-pity and suffering. Even though she came to Ambrosia because she had no choice, she refuses to be made to feel helpless. Even though I’ve tried to impress on her the fact that she belongs to me, she refuses to acknowledge me as her owner, her master.
I grin. In a way, Leah reminds me of me. Trying to live by her own rules, to stick to her own convictions. Trying to survive however she can. Except that she’s done it better, because while she’s allowed her struggle for survival to harden her, she continues to be kind and warm whenever she can.
I remember that look on her face when she said my name. I remember that tender look in her eyes. I was trying to comfort her, to make sure she was fine, and yet she ended up comforting me, assuring me that everything would be alright. Then there was that time after the doctor left when she made me laugh. She wasn’t even trying to. She just suddenly had this wide-eyed expression that reminded me of a child on Christmas morning who knows that Santa has just dropped off the very thing he’s been wishing and waiting for all year. Surprise. Disbelief. Awe.
I didn’t know an adult could wear that expression. Before I knew it, I was laughing. Heartily. At first, I couldn’t believe that sound was coming from me. I can’t remember the last time I laughed like that. I didn’t even know I still could.
My lips curve into a smile. Leah really is a prize in every way.
My prize.
I grab my phone from my desk and get out of my chair. I close my laptop.
I think I’ll go home a little early today.
~
I expected to come home to peace and quiet, to Leah watching TV in bed or reading in the library. I imagined myself interrupting her, talking to her, and eventually having slow and long-drawn-out sex. And then we’d have dinner in bed, maybe ice cream after.
My expectations shatter as soon as I step through the doors of my apartment. For a moment, I wonder if it is even my apartment because I can hear a Spice Girls song playing from the living room- no, from the kitchen. So much for peace and quiet.
I walk into the kitchen and find Leah there, singing while checking on something inside the oven- roast duck, by the smell of it. A white apron hangs from around her neck, and when she faces me, I see brownish stains on it.
Leah gasps and turns off the music. “Gavin! You’re here. I didn’t think you’d be… What time is it?”
“Five,” I answer.
“I thought you wouldn’t be here until seven. I decided to cook dinner for you.”
I can see that.
“Ms. Jensen said roast duck was one of your favorites. I’ve never cooked duck before, but I’m guessing it’s not that much different from chicken. Also, Enrico gave me a few tips.”
“Where is he?” I glance around the kitchen but don’t see my chef.
“I told him he could go home.”
My eyes narrow. “Did you, now?”
“He was making me nervous.”
I bet the opposite was more true.
“Besides, he looked like he was coming down with a cold.”
“And where’s Giselle?” I ask. I don’t see her either.
“She went to buy candles,” Leah answers. “I can’t believe you don’t have candles.”
“And why would we need candles?” I ask curiously.
“For dinner. I thought we’d enjoy a candlelit dinner.”
A lump forms in my throat. I’ve seen this before. Candlelit dinner, and afterwards…
“Then I thought after dinner, I’d give you a massage.”
A present.
“I’ve picked up a few techniques in the past few years,” Leah says. “Hopefully, some of them will ease the tension in your muscles from a hard day’s work. Also, I got you something. When I was in the library, I found a few books about backpacking, so- ”
I grab her wrist. “Come with me.”
“What?”
I ignore the confusion in her voice and lead her- no, drag her- down the hall to the library. The whole time, disappointment and anger weigh down on my breathing. My heart hammers in my chest. My stomach tightens.
I can’t believe I let this happen again. A romantic dinner. A special present. What next? Leah telling me she loves me?
It’s happening all over again. And all because yesterday, I saved Leah’s life, because I was kind to her, because I granted her a favor. I got soft, that’s what. Again.
My jaw clenches. That stops now.
I’m going to show Leah that I’m the one in charge here. I’m going to make her understand what this relationship is- physical and nothing more. I’m going to let her know her role, her place. And I’m going to make sure she never forgets it.