I blush at the memory. Yup, that’s how it happened.
I slap my forehead. “Stupid Leah.”
I shouldn’t have had sex with someone at that party. Didn’t I tell Mandy I wouldn’t? I even broke the nose of the first man who tried to do it with me. And yet, when it came to that man in the black suit, I felt completely defenseless, overwhelmed. His gaze, his words turned my brain to mush. Then he started kissing me and everything else vanished. All I could think of was how much I wanted him, how much I wanted more and more of him. That’s why when he asked me if I wanted him to leave, I couldn’t bring myself to say yes.
But I should have asked him to leave. I should have pushed him away and fought him off like I did that man in the red suit instead of acting like some star-struck teenager. I should have been stronger, braver, smarter. I should never have gone to that party at all. If I had, maybe none of this shit would have happened.
And so much shit has happened since. Ron found out what Mandy and I did- another waitress probably snitched on us- and we got fired. I found another job quickly enough, in hotel housekeeping just like my mother, only to realize that the hotel was a front for a prostitution den. The manager said I’d make a particularly good whore because of my looks. I cut my hair after that and started using brown contact lens which made my eyes appear dull gray instead of blue. Mandy knew someone who gave them to me without a prescription.
I’ve been living with her. She felt kind of responsible after we got fired, so she offered me the spare room in her apartment for free, which I took because I didn’t have any money for rent anyway. If I hadn’t, I’d probably be sleeping on the streets now. She seems to be doing fine. Me? My luck hit rock bottom when my father died last week in a traffic accident. The company wouldn’t pay for his funeral because the accident was supposedly his fault- they said he was drinking- and the cargo he damaged was expensive. So I had to use the money I’d saved up so far, nearly every last dollar of it.
Now, I’m broke, jobless, and practically homeless. And pregnant.
I glance down at my stomach. “I am so screwed.”
“Leah?” I hear Mandy’s voice from the other side of the door, along with her knuckles. “You okay in there? I’ve been waiting ages to use the bathroom.”
“Yup. I’m done.”
I get off the toilet and pick up the pregnancy test. No matter how long I stare at it, the results aren’t going to change. No matter how long I stay here in this bathroom, my problems aren’t going to go away.
I open the door and step out. Mandy is standing right outside with a hand on her hip.
“Well, it’s about time you…”
She stops talking, her eyes wide as they focus on the object in my hand.
“Fuck.” She grabs the stick. “You’re pregnant?”
I shrug. “Seems like it.”
“Fuck,” she says again as she hands the stick back to me. “I thought you said you were a virgin?”
“I was,” I tell her. “Until the night of the party.”
Mandy’s eyes grow even wider. “But I thought you said you…”
“I know.”
I said I wouldn’t have sex with anyone. I did. I’m disappointed in myself.
Mandy, however, doesn’t look disappointed at all. The corners of her lips turn up to form a smile and she claps her hands slowly.
“You naughty, naughty girl. I knew you had it in you.” She puts her arm around me. “Now, tell me all the details.”
I glance at the bathroom door. “I thought you needed to pee.”
“That can wait. So, what was it like? What was he like?”
“Black suit. Black vest. Black shirt. Black tie. He was wearing a black mask, too.”
Some of Mandy’s enthusiasm fades. “Oh, right.”
“His hair and eyes were black, too,” I go on. “Gold watch. Tall. Perfect teeth…”
I try to recall what other details there were.
“He did smell good.” But I have no idea what cologne he was wearing. “And he had this scar on the back of his neck.”
“Scar?”
I only had my fingers beneath his collar for a few seconds and my mind was already pretty muddled by then, but I’m pretty sure I felt a scar.
“Oh, and his name starts with a T,” I say, remembering the monogrammed handkerchief that I still have. Somewhere.
“And was he big?”
“He was tall. I said that already.”
“I mean was his dick huge?” Mandy asks.
“Oh.”
Of course that’s what she’s most interested to know.
I shrug. “Yeah.”
I don’t really want to remember that.
I touch my belly. “Obviously, it was big enough to get me pregnant.”
Mandy laughs as she pats my shoulder. “That has nothing to do with it, silly.”