Jenna glances over her shoulder. “Are you suggesting we just have sex without making any commitments?”
“We can,” I answer.
She looks away and sighs. “I should have known sex was all you’re after.”
I frown. “That’s not true. Jenna. I meant – ”
“Good night, Dax.”
She goes up the stairs. I sit on the edge of the couch and beat my fist against the coffee table.
“Fuck!”
I grip my hair in frustration. I’m supposed to be better at this. Smoother. I’m supposed to make things right, and yet I’m just doing everything wrong.
Duke lifts his head and looks up at me.
“What?” I snap at him.
He puts his head down.
Great. Now I’m taking my frustration out on the dog.
A moment later, I hear a sound. Then something that smells like rotten eggs drifts into my nostrils.
“Duke.” I give him a look of disgust as I cover my nose.
He looks away as if he doesn’t know what I’m talking about.
Yeah, right.
I move away from the couch, waving my hand in front of my face to dispel some of the stinky odor. I guess this is what I get, though, for getting mad at my dog for no reason.
Well, the evening was already ruined anyway. I ruined it.
I let out a sigh as I glance at the stairs.
At least I have two more days. Two days to get my act together and get back in the game. Two days to show Jenna I’m not the jerk who left her behind but the man she used to love and more.
Enough fooling around.
Chapter Six
Jenna
Stupid, I scold myself for the nth time as I head downstairs – well, the first time this morning. Can I help it if I still feel like a fool the day after?
I am a fool. Dax dared me to kiss him in the dark and I did.
Damn it, Jenna, could you be any more gullible? Weren’t you supposed to be smarter now?
I don’t have any excuses. None that sound good, anyway. It was dark and I was scared. Or it was dark and the fire was blazing and it was romantic. I had a bit too much shepherd’s pie and wine. I wanted to remember how it felt to kiss someone, just for reference. I wanted him to shut up.
Yup. All lame.
Oh. Here’s one that doesn’t sound so bad:
I actually listened to what Dax said – that thing about how resisting is exhausting, which it is, and how I shouldn’t let fear get in the way of a little fun, which is one of the things I came here to have, right?
Have a little fun, he said. Take control, he said. Let loose even just a little. It’s what Emily’s been saying, too.
Besides, he said it didn’t have to mean anything. No promises. No implications. No thought involved. And God knows I’ve been doing too much thinking lately.
Just a kiss. Two pairs of lips colliding. A purely physical act between a man and a woman.
So I went for it. I dove in. I stopped going on the defensive and went on the offensive. I stopped holding back. I let go.
I kissed Dax. And damn, it felt good.
But here’s the thing: It was a mistake.
Dax said it would help me relax. It didn’t. I’m even more tense now, more aware of the fact that I’m all alone with Dax in this cabin. Well, yeah, Duke’s here, too, but he’s content to just lie down and watch, like he did last night.
Dax said if I kissed him, I’d feel more in control of myself. That was wrong, too. That kiss fired me up. Now that my body has had a taste of Dax again, it wants more and it’s taking on a life of its own. I feel like I might slip again at any moment, and I feel like this time, it will lead to a screw-up. It won’t just be a kiss next time, which I suppose is what Dax wants. He made it plain himself.
He tricked me.
The worst part, though, is that Dax said the kiss wouldn’t mean anything. Maybe to him, it didn’t. But it did to me.
I stop in front of the mirror in the living room to gaze at my reflection. My eyes focus on my lips. I lift my hand to run a thumb between them.
When we kissed, it was as if I was reliving every kiss we ever had, from the first one we shared in the backseat of a friend’s car to that last one when he had my body pinned beneath his on the couch. I remember each one and the excitement, the joy of each.
Every kiss meant something, and so did this one. Didn’t it mean anything to him?
Maybe it’s just me. I’m a passionate person, after all. I notice things. I care too much. I give my all in everything I do. I could never kiss Dax without giving away something, without letting it mean something. I should have known that.