“It was a poor decision on my part,” Shelly said quietly.
“It was a poor decision on my part,” Malcolm mocked, lifting his voice to a higher pitch. “You’re such a cunt.”
“You liked this cunt when you were pounding it,” she tossed back.
His face colored, but he didn’t say anything else.
Lynn closed her eyes, sucked in a breath, and held it much longer than I’d ever have thought possible. She let it out slowly, and finally I felt like I could breathe again.
“Shelly, I don’t ever want to see you again,” Lynn said. “Get out.”
“But—” she protested.
Lynn pointed her forefinger toward the door.
Without a word, Shelly went to the bathroom, changed back into her clothes, and then she left. Lynn didn’t speak to her again after that night. The alters went to see her. But Lynn… Lynn wouldn’t have anything to do with her.
Being separated from her twin nearly killed Shelly.
If only we could be so lucky.
39
Dear Diary,
Sometimes, coming back is difficult. I go away, and then I return, but occasionally, getting back can be harder than someone might think. It’s like there’s a wall up between me and the rest of the world. The wall’s names are Ash, Jamie, and Charlie. They put up a barrier between me and anything that could hurt or confuse me. They hold the water at bay when we’re destined for a flood. They are the dam that keeps me safe. But when I try to come back, I sometimes find that the dam is a high climb from a low spot. It’s work to get back.
Today, I came back in a big rush. Why? Because Mason got hurt. I’d been fighting for days to return, trying to climb the hill to come back to him. But then I saw in Jamie’s mind that Mason was injured. He’d been in a car accident. In seconds, I was back. My worry for Mason overrode my fears and my anxieties. In seconds, I was holding his hand as he got x-rays.
He was fine, but even the thought that he might be injured made me return. Instantly.
I didn’t tell Mason that it happened this way. He just thinks it was a lucky break that I came back when I did.
But what Mason doesn’t know is that he will always be able to bring me back, if he needs me badly enough. I will always come to him. I will always put my own fears to the side and return.
40
Three more letters still lay in the bottom of the box when my brain finally forced me to sleep. I dreamed of women with honey-colored hair and ice-blue eyes. I dreamed of a future I might never realize.
When I woke, my neck hurt from the awkward position on the couch. I went and took a shower, had a cup of coffee, and glanced at my watch. I called the private investigator, and he assured me that Shelly and one other person were still at Shelly’s apartment.
Maybe I should let it ride and let Lynn come back on her own. As long as someone was watching them, I could be sure she was safe. I could protect her, and let her protect herself at the same time.
I knew Lynn’s disappearances were all about her trying to protect herself from harm. But knowing it and understanding
it were two different things.
I lifted the lid of the box and took out the last three letters. One of them was the one that Lynn’s Nana had just gotten. The other two were a few days older.
I picked up the oldest one.
It had been quickly scrawled and was barely legible.
* * *
Dear Diary,
I am terrified. Something has happened that I didn’t anticipate. It could change everything. I don’t know what to do.