“I don’t think there’s a damn thing wrong with you; just trying to understand.”
“I know what I want, and I’m not going to waiver.”
I nod then ask, “What do you want?”
“I want me and the man I will someday fall in love with to be best friends but not smother each other.”
“Explain smother each other.”
“If I want to go on a trip for two weeks, I don’t want to be told no, to be made to feel like it’s selfish, or to worry about that person cheating on me. I don’t want to be told what I can and can’t do. If I decide I want to go back to school at thirty-five, even if I have a bunch of kids, I want to be able to do so without feeling guilty.”
“You’re referring to Tessa’s issues with Lucas and your parents’ split.”
She nods.
“And Jòse?”
She hugs her knees and shrugs. “He wanted to do the long-distance thing, and I didn’t. When I changed my mind, he’d already slept with someone else.”
“So, he said no to getting back together?”
“No”—she shakes her head—“I said no. I know that whoever I fall for isn’t going to replace me that quickly.”
“Not trying to stick up for the guy, but you did break up.”
She smiles slightly and shrugs. “And if he truly loved me like he said every time we made out and he wanted to take it further, he wouldn’t have been able to do that.”
“Sweets, men and woman view sex differently.”
She looks down at me. “That’s all well and good, but I’m not looking for sex to come before love.” She lies down and turns her back to me. “I’m looking for one love, and that one love won’t want anyone else but me.”
“That’s how it should be,” I agree.
“For me, that’s how it will be.”
My chest tightens with realization that I want the same damn thing. I want the woman I lay with at night to be my best friend, my partner in life, my fucking everything, but still be able to do what I love.
“Kendall?”
“Ben?”
“What if that one man fucked up as a kid and did something stupid, almost unforgivable?”
“Like what? Kill someone?”
“No, like briefly date your sister?”
Silence.
“I’m not willing to ignore the connection we shared at the bar, the fact that your hand felt perfect in mine, the fact that, instead of getting laid, I’m lying on a hard as hell floor in pink sweats when I could get a cab and be lying in my bed at my loft a few blocks away, or the fact that I’d ignore the stiffening of my cock and the need to fuck in exchange for more time to explore this thing with you and me.”
She’s silent.
“Is it because of Tessa?”
“Well …” She chuckles.
“Well nothing, because the woman I give my heart to is going to have to accept the fact that I have a past. She’s going to have to be my best friend. And although I want her to do whatever the hell makes her happy, I’m hoping she’s gonna wanna do the majority of those things with me.”