Lucy beams as she looks up at me. I tap her nose with my index finger and pull her into my side.
“Will you be joining us for dinner?” I ask Norma, who shakes her head.
“No, tonight I play bridge with the ladies. Have a good night.” She turns to leave but peeks her head back in before shutting the door. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, Saylor.”
My mouth drops open as Saylor’s face turns red. I waggle my eyebrows at her, only for Lucy to interrupt every dirty thought I was starting to have.
“What does that mean?” she asks, causing Saylor and me to burst out laughing.
Twenty
Saylor
The bell chimes, letting us know that we can go out onto the ice. Ever since the hockey game, Lucy has been asking if we can go skating. I readily agreed, and she invited Travis. Deep down I knew she would, and I didn’t balk or try to tell her otherwise. Truth is, I want him here. I may not be able to be with him romantically, but I can be his friend, and sometimes that is more important.
Lucy tilts her head back and sticks out her tongue, catching the falling snowflakes and laughing when they land on her cheeks, forehead, and eyelashes. Travis copies her, chuckling right along, while I stand back and watch the one person I love most in the world bond with a man whom I could so easily fall in love with.
Even though he knows we can’t be together, that hasn’t stopped him from coming around. It’s not every day, but it’s enough to keep the interest I have in him growing to the point that I’ve found myself looking for another job. Not that I want to quit working for Jeffrey, but the thought of being in love intrigues me. I’ve only been in love once, and that didn’t turn out so well for me, with the exception of having Lucy. Love scares me, but I’d put my heart out there for Travis because I think he deserves it, and I know he’d love Lucy with everything that he is.
“Are you two yo-yos ready?” I ask, reaching for Lucy’s gloved hand. She smiles and wipes her face with her other one before grabbing Travis’s hand as well. The three of us make our way onto the ice, holding hands like a family. It’d be a picture-perfect moment, something for a Christmas card, if our situations were different.
Travis wobbles, causing Lucy to laugh. I’ve brought her to the Frog Pond every winter since she could walk so I could teach her how to skate. This is another activity she’s asked to participate in, but all I can afford is the public rink. Maybe if Elijah were a better father, he’d be willing to pay for lessons. The thought has occurred to me to ask, but I’m afraid of what he’ll ask for in return.
“Watch me, Travis,” Lucy says as she lets go of our hands and skates forward. She spins in a small circle, twirling like a ballerina.
“You’re amazing,” Travis says as he claps. He tries to bow but begins to lose his balance. His arms start to flail about, and I do my best to help him right himself, only to go down in a heap, landing on top of him.
“Are you okay?” I ask in between giggles. He groans and wraps his arms around me, preventing me from moving.
“Perfect,” he says, meeting my gaze. That’s when I see the longing he feels in the depth of his blue eyes. It’d be so easy to give in to the temptation, the desire burning within, but I could lose my job. I need to be stronger around Travis, yet I find that I don’t want to be. When he’s around and we share moments like this, I forget about the responsibilities I have.
He licks his lips, and I consciously follow suit, eager to taste him once again. Before I can protest or roll out of his arms, his lips are pressed to mine, and people around us are cheering. I pull away and try to hide my embarrassment by keeping my eyes focused on the ice, praying that no one with a camera caught this moment.
Travis is able to right himself before I stand, and he helps me up, refusing to let go of my hand once he does. He pulls me to him, cupping my cheek and guiding my face up so I have no choice but to look at him. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself.”
I nod and offer him a small smile. I wouldn’t have been able to help myself either, and maybe that’s why I’m upset—because he did it first when I wanted to?
“You guys kissed,” Lucy snickers, adding to my embarrassment. She should’ve been my first thought, but she wasn’t. My job was. And tonight when I tuck her in, I’ll explain to her what happened, even though I don’t know how to tell her. She’s five, and I don’t want her to think it’s okay for her mother to go around kissing men.
Travis leans down and kisses Lucy on the cheek. “Now I’ve kissed you,” he says as she squeals in delight. We link hands again and continue to skate. Each time we go around the rink, someone recognizes Travis. A few have tried to stop him to take pictures, but he nicely asked them to wait until the break because he’s with his family.
His family. That is how he referred to us. He could’ve easily left that part out or called us his friends, but he didn’t, and now my mind is filling with doubt and my heart is asking what the hell I am doing by pushing him away. We can’t help who we fall in love with. That is evident by my colossal mistake with Elijah.
Lucy skates ahead of us again, and this time Travis links hands with mine as we follow her around the rink.
“People are going to talk, Travis. We shouldn’t be holding hands.”
“Are you worried about Jeffrey?” he asks.
“I have to. I can’t afford to lose my job.”
He sighs but doesn’t let go. And I don’t want him to. I’m comfortable like this. Even if thick winter gloves are masking our connection, I can s
till feel the heat radiating between us.
This is my idea of a perfect date, with the white lights adding to the ambience of the holiday decorations. Christmas music plays from the speakers, and couples who are in love, or starting to fall in love, skate together.
The logical part of me is telling me to let go of his hand, to keep a safe distance between us, but I don’t want to. In fact, being this close to him isn’t enough right now.