I wipe away the tears before they hit the paper and find myself needing to scream at love lost, yet again, because of foolish mistakes and death. Liam never knew his grandfather and his grandmother weren’t allowed to see him. Life shouldn’t be this way. At the end of the letter is a bank and routing number. It’s all Charlie wanted, to take care of his one true love. I fold the letter up and press it to my heart. Charlie’s wedding ring, watch and pocketknife are the only things left in the box aside from a few pictures of Betty and Bianca.
The folder is heavy when I pick it up and I can easily deduce that it’s full of paper. I close my eyes and pray this will have what I’m looking for. I undo the clasp which falls apart in my hand. It’s not old, just over used. I pull out the stack of papers. My heart catches in my throat as I gulp for air. I flip through the pages and pages of notes, all in Liam’s handwriting. I don’t understand why they’re in this box. Why would they be in a box for his grandparents and not for him? The pages are dated, and in order, starting with the day he left.
All she had to do was hold me.
Tell me everything would be okay.
Her words – they broke me and yet she cries.
I remember that day vividly. I don’t need a reminder.
She hates me, but I love her.
I want to tell her.
Call her.
Beg her.
Her voice will break me.
Shatter me.
I said the one thing to end it.
Josephine.
The sob escapes before I can control it. My lips tremble as tears rush down my face, my breathing labored. Each inhale is painful, and it feels as though I can’t exhale because I can barely catch my breath. I let it all out, screaming loudly until my throat is dry and scratchy. The tears won’t stop, and I don’t expect them to as long as I’m reading his words.
She wants to get married, but I don’t love her.
When I look at her, she’s not the one I see in my dreams.
She’s blonde and my fantasy is a brunette.
She’s pregnant, and I want nothing to do with her.
I DON’T WANT HER
Never have.
I’m weak. I’m weak. I’m weak.
I flip to the end, unable to read anything about Sam and her fake baby. She tried to trap Liam, and it almost worked. It would’ve if he hadn’t left.
A piece of me has died.
My best friend, gone.
He never knew how sorry I am.
I’m going home.
She’ll be there.
Will I be able to tell her?
That I still love her?