“I didn’t mean it like that, Hadley. Of course she cares; it’s just that she grew up with her own class of celebrities so it didn’t really shock her when I told her. I think she knew about us anyway, and when you weren’t around or I didn’t talk about you, she asked. I spilled, and it felt good to talk to someone about everything.”
“You had Cole. You haven’t talked to him since you moved to Boston.”
Ryan shakes his head. “Cole belongs to you. He was only my friend by association. I have Dylan, but she didn’t want to hear anything I had to say.”
“She still hates me.”
He shrugs, all but confirming what I’ve known for years. A quick silence washes over the room. We haven’t had an awkward moment like this since the night we met. His phone buzzes, causing us both to jump.
“Yeah?” he says after picking up the receiver. “All right, I’ll be down in a minute.” After he hangs up, he stands and buttons his suit jacket. My eyes are downcast, knowing that our meeting is about to come to an end, and I don’t know what I’m going to do to ensure I can see him again. I can’t just show up tomorrow.
“I have to go,” he says when he stops in front of me. I acknowledge him, but only slightly. “I’ll walk you out.”
“Can I see you tomorrow?” I ask him. I want to reach out and pull his hand into mine, but the thought of rejection pains me so much that I don’t think I’d make it out of this room if that were to happen.
Ryan’s lips form into a fine line as he shakes his head. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Hadley.”
“Why not?” I bite back the cry that’s building in my throat.
He runs his hand through his hair, pulling on the ends. “I don’t know. Things are good for me here, and I’m not going anywhere. I asked you to move here, but you didn’t. We broke up. Twelve months later and now you’re standing in my office? Honestly, I’m a bit confused, and I need some time to think.”
I set my hand on his arm and gently pull his hand away from his hair. I don’t let go and allow my fingers to linger against his skin. The spark is still there, it’s never gone away. I still feel the same as I did the first night we met as he held me under the stars. He was so innocent then.
“Friends, remember?”
There’s a moment of hesitation before he nods.
“Well as your friend, I’d like to see you tomorrow. I know you work crazy hours so just tell me when and where we can meet and I’ll be there.” I turn and leave knowing it’s a long shot, but I figure if I leave him with those words, he doesn’t have time to formulate a response that will end with him telling me to get lost.
I rush out of his office and back through the halls that led me to him, holding back the tears. I won’t cry here. I can’t. As soon as I’m outside, my phone is pressed to my ear. I meander into the crowd, who are likely here to attend the game tonight, and keep my head low.
“Hadley, where the hell are you?”
“Carrie, I’m in Boston.” Carrie’s my manager and has been since I fired my uncle Ian. Firing him wasn’t easy, but career wise, it was in my best interests. Ian did some very shady things behind the scenes and made me look like something I wasn’t. He was also the catalyst that destroyed Ryan and I the first time.
“Come again?”
I pause and gather my bearings. Carrie’s been good to me over the years and I’m about to put her in a horrible spot. I wouldn’t be surprised if she fires me and leaves me to hang from the gallows. It’s what I deserve. “I’m in Boston. I flew here last night after the show and I can’t leave anytime soon.”
Carrie sighs and I can hear her moving around her office. The door slams, causing me to jump as if I’m sitting in the chair in front of her desk. ”Okay, start from the beginning and tell me why you’re in Boston.”
“I just broke. I had to see him.” I stand in the crowd, waiting to cross the street. I shuffle along with everyone once the signal changes, signaling that it’s clear to walk. “I can’t finish the tour, Carrie.”
“WHAT!?” she screeches. “You better be dying a slow painful death, Hadley Carter. The label will not stand for this.”
I stop and take cover in a doorway. “I know, so postpone the rest of it. I can’t finish it right now. My heart… it isn’t with music right now. It’d be unfair to the fans for me to continue. I’d be letting them down night after night. I was so stupid a year ago that I lost everything, and now that I’ve seen him, I want him back. I need to do this for me.”
“Hadley, sweetie, I know you’re hurt and you never took the time after the break-up to allow yourself to heal, but we’ve been down this path with Ryan before. Remember when we first met? You were in therapy and doing so well getting over the relationship. You were healed. I know it’s hard to swallow, but you’ve both grown up and your lives are vastly different. Cancelling your tour is unprecedented. My advice, finish the tour; he’ll be there when you’re done.”
I shake my head, even though she can’t see me. “He won’t be. He’s been dating someone for six months. Time is my enemy right now.”
Carrie sighs, and I can hear papers being moved around and some incoherent mumbling in the background. “You and Ryan have too many differences. I wish you’d see that. You wanted a family. He wasn’t ready. He wants a career. You wanted him with you. None of that has changed, Hadley. I’m afraid that you’re going to ruin your career over this.”
I know what she’s saying is true. I could lose everything with this stunt, but I have to try. I have to see if Ryan still loves me the way I love him.
“I’m sorry, Carrie. I have to do this.” I hang up before she has a chance to respond. I need a game plan, but I also need to do this by myself. My first reaction is to call Alex and have her by my side, but not this time. Yes, I’ll call her, but I think I need to live in Boston for a while and get to know it the way Ryan does. I need to see if I can fall in love with this city like he has. I need to show him that he’s the most important part of my life and that my career can wait.
When you break up with the one you love, your life changes. Many don’t realize it, but that’s why you make such a drastic change. Next, it could be your clothes, where you live and maybe even the way you look. You would think a change of that magnitude would mean the end of us. I certainly did and yet here I am, sitting in my designated game day seat waiting for my current girlfriend to join me while I’m thinking about my ex.