“Happy birthday, Caity,” Tristan whispered against her cheek, drawing her more tightly into his reassuring embrace. “Love you.”
She didn’t open her eyes, pretending for just a moment that this was reality. Instead of one boyfriend, she had two. One warming her front, the other her back, both of them giving her love and laughter and offering her the kind of security she’d long ago given up on ever having.
She could have everything she’d ever dreamed and more. All she had to do was tell them how much she loved them too, how much she ached for them to be a family for real. She didn’t want to go back to her single bed, and she definitely didn’t want them to go back to theirs.
Did it really matter what people would say? They already lived together. It was no one’s business but theirs.
Dear God, she was already trembling.
“I…” She swallowed hard and opened her eyes, staring directly into Tristan’s. Unprepared for the acceptance she saw there, she fisted her hand in the sheets and started to back away. “I need to…use the bathroom.”
But backing away only made her collide with Matt’s solid form. “Hey, hey,” he said, yawning. “It's barely morning.”
Panic left no room for concerns about dignity. She scrambled up, crawling over Matt and nearly pitching to the floor when she caught her foot in the sheet. She stumbled forward anyway, finally getting free. She rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door, but not before she heard Tristan’s comment.
“Guess that answers that.”
She leaned against the door, her lungs quaking as if she’d run a mile. She was a coward. A fool. Only both would consider leaving the two gorgeous men in that bed because they were worried about public opinion.
Who the fuck cared?
No matter what, people talked. Even if she lived like a nun, they would still say what they wanted. And she would be miserable. Was living a life free of reproach worth losing everything that meant something to her?
This weekend had given her a chance to see the choices a woman—hell, a person—would make when confronted with the possibility of risking everything for love. She sure didn’t feel smug now. She understood too well what she would do to hold on to even a chance of being with the men she adored.
Taking a chance on heartbreak made sense when not trying at all seemed so much worse.
She turned her head and saw Matt’s jeans crumpled on the floor. And the cell phone peeking out of the back pocket.
Before she could talk herself out of it, she knelt and grabbed his phone. She scrolled through his address book, knowing he’d have the number she needed. There it was. All she had to do was call.
She bit her lip as the phone rang and rang. It was early, but that couldn’t be helped.
When the woman’s voice came on the line, relief rushed over Cait in a thick wave. “Mom? I need to move home for a while.”
The drive back to the loft was hell. She hadn’t expected anything else, especially once she’d shared her little bombshell. God, the look on Tristan’s face when she’d said she was leaving…
She’d wanted to snatch the words back, to beg him to forget she’d ever had such a crazy idea. But she couldn’t take the words back. Nor could she pretend slipping back into their usual roles worked for her.
How could she have ever believed she could sleep with them and then go back to her regular life? Every moment she was near them, she wanted them. Sleeping with them had only shown her what she’d been missing.
She’d expected Matt to argue with her, but he just nodded, saying maybe that was best for the time being. His mother was going to be staying with them until after the new year, and then once she’d gone home, they could all talk.
Talk. There weren’t any words to convey the sound of her heart breaking.
Tristan had just looked at them both as if they were strangers and gone out to load their bags into the car. Clearly, he was through arguing.
Just because Tristan refused to deal with how things were didn’t change that they all had families to consider. It wasn’t as if they could simply follow their own needs and to hell with everyone else. What did he expect them to do? Share Tristan’s king-size bed while Matt’s mom slept in the room next door?
Cripes, he probably did. Was he really that naive?
Or was he the smartest one of them?
The hand on her knee jolted her from her distracted reverie. She glanced at Matt, who sat beside her in the backseat. Tristan was driving Matt’s SUV, and their bags were stowed on the passenger seat. Tristan had rented a car to come up to the cabin since his own was in the shop, so they’d returned it to the lone rental dealership on the mountain, and he’d taken over the task of driving. That left Matt to sit with her in the back, though he’d done little more than brood since they’d started the trip.
None of them were behaving typically. Normally the biggest truth seeker of the three of them, she had become the biggest liar. And the biggest fake.
Cait looked from Matt’s golden hand on her leg to his face. What she saw there made her heart tumble.