I can feel the fear in her heart. She’s afraid I’m cornering her just to pounce, that if she agrees, that’s exactly what will happen. Why shouldn’t it? There are no consequences for me if I break the rules.
But there are. There are always consequences when rules are broken, especially in this instance when what I want more than anything is to see her again.
I want to be able to trust her. I can kidnap her little ass and brutally use her body to slake my lusts until I don’t lust for her anymore. If she’s too difficult, if that’s her preference, it’s what I’ll have to do. Whatever the reason, I’m too far gone with this girl to let it go and move on. I have to possess her in every way a man can possess a woman. I have to bury myself inside her until I’ve conquered and memorized every corner of her, but I need access to her in order to properly explore her.
I’ll steal it if I have to, but I’m a reasonable man. I’ll give her the chance to be agreeable first.
She has to mean it, though.
If she lies to me again, there will be consequences.
“If I… if I show up a third time, will you promise to let me leave? Will you promise not to hurt me?”
“No.”
Because I say no when I could easily say yes, she knows it’s the truth.
She swallows. “But… that’s not fair.”
“I didn’t say it was.”
“You aren’t giving me what I need out of this.”
“And what’s that?”
“Safety. I have to know that, even if you…” She can’t say the word as easily as I can. She stumbles over it, then switches to a different phrase. “Even if you force yourself on me, you won’t hurt me to the point that I can’t leave. You won’t… you won’t kill me.”
She blurts out the last of it with the sort of momentum that I can tell it’s not the first time the thought has crossed her mind.
Is that what she’s afraid of?
I suppose I shouldn’t be stunned. Of course it has crossed her mind I could be more dangerous than she has experienced thus far. I likely could, but I haven’t, so at least I can set her mind at ease about that. “I’ve never murdered anyone, Hallie. I don’t intend to harm you, not that way.”
“That’s not a promise.”
“All right.” I pause to consider my wording. “I won’t promise not to hurt you. I have a hunger for you that I’m going to satisfy, whether you consent or you don’t. But I will promise not to hurt you beyond repair. I don’t mean mentally, I can’t entirely control your mental state, but I won’t take your life from you. I would never take that.”
Still wary, she adds, “And you wouldn’t hire the syringe guys or anyone else to do it, either?”
My lips tug up at the corners. “No.”
She wants to trust me. Not because she’s invested in me the way I’m invested in her, but because I have more power here, and she’ll never get a moment’s peace as long as I’m lurking around the corner unless she can believe the things I say.
I’m sure she’d rather be rid of me altogether, but she’s realizing that’s not an option, and I like the way she’s handling it.
“All right,” she says, her tone alerting me before her words that I’ve won. “I’ll agree to your terms.”
“And I’ll agree to yours,” I tell her.
She nods, but not with much confidence. And why would she? I just manipulated the entire situation so that I can do whatever I want to her tonight, and she still has to give me one last chance to do it again.
I’m tempted to, too. Not because I lack self-control, but because I need to test out her word. I went into this thinking she was more or less trustworthy, but since she considered me someone not worth being honest with, we’ve had a couple of bumps. In order to get her where I want her, I have to know she will hold up her end of the bargain even if I don’t.
But I also need to build her confidence in me. It’s okay if she thinks I’m a lunatic, but she has to know my word means something.
I did mean what I said, and I will kidnap her and keep her locked up in my room if she makes me, but I’m realistic. I know that path can’t end well, not for her. If I clip her wings and cage her, if I abuse her and break her spirit, she won’t really recover. I’ll remain true to my word and let her go, but she’ll never fly again.
I don’t want to break her; I just want to play with her.