His response to that was to take her cold fingers in his warm, strong grip and slide the ring onto her finger in a decisive gesture. ‘Don’t take it off again. And now I want you to tell me how you feel.’
‘No, you don’t.’ She gave a hollow laugh. ‘Trust me, you really don’t want to go there. And anyway, we both know that you would sooner eat glass than discuss my feelings.’
‘That is not true.’ His fingers tightened on hers. ‘Whatever you may think, I do care about you. The doctors say you need to talk about the miscarriage. I explained that the pregnancy was an accident, but they didn’t seem to think that would make any difference to the emotional impact.’
‘And that was news to you?’ Her voice shook as the pain shot through her. ‘You think that made any difference to my feelings? Do you think that made it hurt any the less?’
‘I don’t know.’ His tone was cool and detached. ‘I have no experience in this area.’ And he hadn’t wanted any experience; that much was obvious from every taut, stiff line of his powerful frame.
‘I don’t know why we’re talking about this.’
‘Because the doctors seem to think it might help you. Did it hurt, physically?’ His voice was gruff and she stared at the ceiling, feeling as though the bottom was dropping out of her world, yet again.
‘Raul, I really don’t—’
‘Talk to me!’
‘Why? So that you can watch me unravel like a ball of wool?’ Her strangled laugh was like a warning bell, indicating that the volumes of tension building inside her were reaching danger levels. ‘Is that what you’re asking?’
‘Dios mío, do not attack me when I am trying to help! Tell me what is in your head.’
His hand rested close to hers and the fact that her own fingers tingled with the need to touch shocked her. He wasn’t capable of giving comfort, so why was she hoping for it? ‘I’m angry. That’s how I feel.’
‘Sí, that much I can see for myself,’ he growled. ‘What else?’
‘Sad,’ she whispered, curling her fingers into the soft duvet that covered her. ‘And guilty. Because I was so worried about what the baby would do to you and to us. It didn’t occur to me that I might lose it. And now I’m wondering—’
‘It was not your fault.’ The fact that he’d read her mind surprised her because she hadn’t thought he was capable of being so connected with her thoughts.
‘You don’t know that. It feels as though it is.’ Her voice was clogged with tears. ‘Perhaps that baby knew that it had stirred up a hornet’s nest between us. Perhaps it knew, Raul.’
‘You are torturing yourself for no reason.’
‘You wanted to know how I feel. I’m telling you. I feel guilty. Sad. Disappointed. Angry with you.’ She swallowed painfully and her voice dropped to a whisper. ‘And empty. Really, really empty. Because I’ve lost something that was part of me. Part of us. And I know it wasn’t planned, but once I found out about it I just wanted it.’ It was too much. Letting a tiny drop of emotion escape was dangerous when so much of it was bottled up.
‘You always were maternal. I watched you delivering foals and I knew then that you were trouble.’ His tone was gruff and she knew he was acknowledging what they’d both known: that this was always going to be an enormous issue between them.
‘I didn’t think it would be a problem,’ she admitted hoarsely. ‘I had no plans to settle down and get married. Children were something in the far-distant future so when you told me that wasn’t what you wanted, I suppose it just didn’t really seem relevant. We were having fun and we were happy. That was what mattered.’
‘The problem was always there.’
‘Only if you were thinking in terms of marriage and a future, and I wasn’t.’ Her fingers tightened on the duvet. ‘I didn’t see it as a problem.’
‘You mean you hoped I would wake up one morning longing to be a father.’
‘No, I mean I wasn’t thinking about parenthood. I was just enjoying our relationship.’
His gaze didn’t shift from her face. ‘And now?’
‘Well, I don’t think this is the most fun we’ve ever had together, if that’s what you’re asking me,’ she croaked and he rose to his feet and gave her a long, speculative look that made her stomach tumble and turn.
‘I never wanted to hurt you.’
‘Raul, don’t—’
‘I love being with you.’
It was as close to a declaration of love as he’d ever come, and for a moment she couldn’t breathe. Afraid that she’d make a fool of herself, she squeezed her eyes tightly shut. ‘Getting soppy on me, Raul?’