“If they knew your background, then I’m sure they understood.” Still she didn’t remove her hand and Zach realized he didn’t want her to remove it.
“There was no way people like that could have understood.”
“Not what you’d been through,” she spoke softly, “but they should have understood that after the way you’d been forced to live your life, it wouldn’t be easy to gain your trust.”
“I think they spent too much time trying to anticipate what I’d do next to even think about gaining my trust. I stole food from the fridge and I couldn’t sleep in a bedroom without moving the furniture in front of the door. I broke two lamps and a chair hauling things across the room. The final straw was when my foster mother crept into the room one night to check on me. It was one of those rare occasions I was asleep. I woke up to find someone leaning over me. That had always been bad news in the past, so I attacked her. Things got a little messy after that. Four months after I arrived with them I was moved to another family, but not before they’d made sure I knew how disappointed they were by my failure to magically transform into the child they’d dreamed of. The social worker told me a while later that they’d adopted a baby. I’m sure that was the right thing for them. They needed a child who hadn’t formed any bad habits. A child who wasn’t going to rearrange the furniture and store food under the bed just in case there wasn’t any next time he looked.” While he’d been talking, the food had grown cold and their server had twice approached their table only to retreat when
Brittany had given a brief shake of her head. “We should eat.”
“I’m more interested in talking to you than eating the food.”
“If I’d known that I would have ordered takeout and eaten it on the beach.”
“I wouldn’t have worn this dress on the beach.” She leaned forward slightly, the neckline hinting at the tempting dip between her breasts.
“In that case I’m glad I booked this place.”
Zach discovered he didn’t care that the food was cold because he couldn’t taste it anyway.
When he bought a woman dinner it was usually a precursor to sex. Everything from the exchange of looks to the conversation was leading up to that moment. There was very little that was personal about it.
But tonight felt personal.
Tonight felt different, which was why he’d—
Hell. “I’m sorry I told you all that.”
Her gaze lifted to his and he saw kindness and warmth in his eyes. “Why? Because it makes you feel uncomfortable or because you’re worried it makes me feel uncomfortable?”
“Both.”
“I’m sure it’s hard for you to talk about it, but it doesn’t make me uncomfortable. Angry, definitely, and a little sick to my stomach if I’m honest, but not uncomfortable. I’m glad you told me. Given your start in life, it’s a surprise you turned out so well. You were the human equivalent of Jaws.” She finished her food, a delicate tartlet of red pepper and goat’s cheese that had been more than happy to wait for her attention. “This is good.”
“You think I’m like Jaws?” He appreciated her attempt at humor. “Physically or psychologically?”
“Physically Jaws is by far the most attractive, I’m sure you know that.” She put down her fork, and sighed. “You lost trust in humans, and no one would blame you for that. Thank goodness for Philip and Celia. How is Philip, by the way?
“Refusing to believe he needs to give up doing some of the things he loves.”
“Has he asked you to take over?”
His stomach was hollow. “Not since the first time.”
“When, naturally, you said no.”
“Why ‘naturally’?”
She kept eye contact. “Because you’re afraid of letting him down. They love you, but you won’t let yourself trust that love. You’re afraid you’re going to mess up and that if you do, they’ll stop loving you. It’s natural not to want to disappoint the people we love, and you love Philip and Celia.”
He shifted uncomfortably. “I appreciate what they’ve done for me.”
“You love them.” She reached out and picked up her wine. “And they love you. They loved the boy you were back then and they love the man you’ve become. They didn’t give up on you. Not once. And what I’m wondering is, why is one set of evidence more meaningful than another?”
His mouth was dry and he took a sip of water. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“We make our decisions based on knowledge and experience. When you were young, the evidence told you that you had to look out for yourself because no one else would. You worked out that the way to stop being hurt was not to care. The way not to care was to stop making connections with people, so that’s what you did. But that changed a long time ago. You can’t live on Puffin Island and not make connections. It isn’t possible.”
“You’re saying I’ve made connections I don’t know about?”