Her words knocked the breath from his lungs.
No one had ever loved him just the way he was. All his life people had wanted him to act differently, speak differently, just be different.
Acceptance had been a thing as alien to him as love.
But she, apparently, had accepted and loved him.
With a blinding flash Zach realized he’d walked away from the one thing that had always been missing in his life. Not because he hadn’t wanted it, but because he hadn’t recognized it. Hadn’t believed in it. Hadn’t trusted it.
For Brittany, he hadn’t been an outlet for rebellion, a statement, an experiment or any of the other things he’d assumed when he’d analyzed it using his own narrow reference.
She’d truly loved him, and he’d thrown that away. Feelings crashed over him, unfamiliar and disturbingly intense.
He’d had his chance and he’d blown it in spectacular style.
One thing, he thought. There was one thing he knew how to do right.
Rolling her onto her back, he slid down her body and spread her legs.
He clamped her writhing hips between his hands and licked into her, hearing her moan his name as he did so.
This intimacy he knew, and he excelled at the delivery.
She came with an agonized cry and he experienced all of it with his fingers and his mouth and then eased over her and entered her slowly.
Her body tightened around his and he closed his eyes and buried his face in her neck.
Her h
air smelled of strawberries and summer rain and he could feel the warmth of her breath, uneven and fast against his skin.
He felt the gentleness of her fingers brushing against his jaw, heard the soft murmur of her voice as she whispered his name.
And then she whispered something else. Words that until tonight he hadn’t thought he’d ever hear. And she whispered them over and over again, like a mantra.
It shook him, unsettled him and he slid his hand under her, trying to find the smooth rhythm that usually came so naturally, but he couldn’t focus on anything except her voice and those words. They fell like rain onto parched ground, soaking into those cold hard places that no one, including himself, had ever been able to access. He felt something inside him shift and unravel and he gave a groan and tried to withdraw, but her legs were wrapped around him, her hands behind his neck as she drew his head down to hers.
“I love you.” This time she said the words against his mouth, and he kissed her deeply, trying to silence her, hoping that raw lust might burn out all these other feelings that were throwing him off his stroke.
But nothing felt the same.
He felt her arch, offering him more and he tried to give her the experience he knew she deserved, tried to find that smooth technique that never failed him, but every movement felt awkward and uneven.
It didn’t feel like technique, it felt like—
Making love.
He stilled above her but she moved against him, her body refusing to release him. He felt her feelings flowing all around him, seeping under his skin and deeper, warming parts of him that had been frozen into ice. The heat was intense and he struggled against it but she was drawing him in, saying his name over and over again, telling him how much she wanted him, how he could trust her, how she would never hurt him. And he opened his mouth to warn her that he was the one who was going to hurt her, that she should protect herself, that she should run, but the only sound that emerged was a fractured groan and still the heat spread, this time reaching those tiny corners of his soul that hadn’t seen light or warmth for several decades.
He’d already hurt her once. She should be holding back, protecting herself, but instead she gave and gave, stroking her hand over his cheek and then down over his back.
“I love you.” She spoke the words softly against his mouth again. “I still love you, Zach. It’s always been you.”
The words ripped him open, exposing that raw place he’d protected all of his life.
Emotion came rushing up inside him and he groaned her name, engulfed in sensations he didn’t recognize. He tried desperately to focus on her needs, but the mental detachment required was missing and the pleasure came rushing in, crashing over him in hot pulsing waves, drowning them both. He felt her hands tighten on his backside, and he drove into her again, emptying himself inside her. And through it all she kissed him, held him until there wasn’t a single part of him that hadn’t been touched by her warmth.
And afterwards they stayed locked together, strands of her hair clinging to his damp shoulder, as he held her close.