What if he noticed something in her eyes? She’d always been hopeless at hiding her feelings.
And even if she somehow managed it, did she really want to live like that, subduing everything?
He rolled onto his back, gathering her against him. “What are you thinking?”
She was thinking about him.
Her mind kept circling round all the reasons that she shouldn’t feel this way and it always came back to one thing.
He didn’t want what she wanted. And if he knew the truth he’d feel bad about himself again. He’d blame himself. He’d feel as if he were somehow responsible. There was no way she was doing that to him.
“Nothing,” she said. “Nothing at all.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
SKYLAR LAY IN bed with her eyes closed, pretending to be asleep until she felt Alec get up and heard him move into the study.
The temptation to stay in his bed and never move again was great, but she knew that wasn’t an option open to her.
Forcing her limbs out of the bed, she dressed quickly and pushed her clothes into a suitcase. If she was going to do this, she needed to do it now. The longer it lasted, the harder it would be.
To make sure she couldn’t change her mind, she made two phone calls.
The first was to her parents.
The second was to Pete, who ran the local cab firm.
She carried her case downstairs, then poured herself a cup of fortifying coffee before going in search of Alec. It was the first time she’d disturbed him while he was working.
Her knees shook. Her palms felt sweaty. Because she had never felt less like smiling, she compensated by doubling the size of her smile.
“Good morning.” She placed a mug of coffee on his desk. “Sorry to disturb you, but I wanted to say goodbye before I leave.”
“Are you going to see Emily?”
“No. I’m going home.”
“Home? Home to your parents?” The shock in his voice threw her.
“Yes.” She shrugged. “It’s Christmas. If I don’t go home it will make things worse than they already are. And they’re still my family even though they’re far from perfect.”
“But you’d made the decision to stay here.” He put his pen do
wn. “You’ve always wanted to spend Christmas with your friends.”
“Maybe next year. Right now Em and Brittany are both wrapped up in their new lives. They won’t miss me.”
There was a long, loaded silence.
“What if I said I’d miss you?”
Her heart felt like a lead weight in her chest. “Oh, come on, Alec. We both know what this was. Just fun, right? Great sex, a few laughs and no strings or promises on either side.”
His level gaze was disconcerting. “So that’s it?”
What else was there?
One day, maybe, there would be real friendship but right now she wasn’t sure she could cope with a half measure of something she’d rather take as an overdose.