‘I’m just—Nothing.’
Stefano muttered something under his breath in Italian and then took her face in his hands. ‘One of the things I love about you is that you are so straightforward and honest. You say what you think and I like that. Don’t change now. Tell me what’s wrong.’
Perhaps if he hadn’t used the word ‘love’ she might have managed to hold it all in, but something pinged inside her and she pulled away, engulfed by an emotion that she couldn’t control.
‘All right, I’ll tell you.’ Her breath was coming in rapid pants, as if she’d been running instead of standing still. ‘I just—I can’t do this. I can’t do this any more. The sex was amazing, yes. But I just can’t have sex without wanting…more. And I know that’s my fault, not yours, but I still think you could have been a little bit more honest with me about the reason you invited me here.’
His eyes narrowed. ‘Why do you think I invited you here?’
Liv blinked rapidly to clear her vision. ‘I thought you wanted me to meet your family and then I discover that actually you invited me here because you need to keep Donatella at a distance.’
Stefano stilled and his hands dropped to his sides. ‘Who told you that?’
‘It doesn’t matter.’ Liv felt a stab of pain that he hadn’t denied it. ‘And do you know what? The reason we’re here shouldn’t matter either. It’s a beautiful, magical place and Max is having a wonderful time and he’s so, so happy playing with your nephews in the snow. I should be relieved and delighted and I am, but…’ Her words tangled and her emotions raw, she took a breath. ‘None of this is your fault. It’s me. It’s all me. I mean, it should have been obvious to me from the start that our relationship was just about sex, I mean you have…’ she waved her hand despairingly ‘…all this money, and what do I have? I live in a tiny flat in a grotty part of London with my son and you live in this flashy apartment with more security than a palace and a lifestyle that makes me drool with envy.’
‘Liv—’
‘Don’t say a word!’ Sniffing hard, she lifted a hand to stop him speaking. ‘It really isn’t your fault that I have fantasies and that I’m basically extremely stupid. You didn’t lead me on. You didn’t promise me anything. I imagined it all by myself with no help from you. I don’t know whether it’s the way I’m wired or whether it’s because I’m so sensitive about Max, but I just can’t seem to do casual relationships. You’ve been great to Max and without you he would have had a horrible, horrible Christmas and I’ll always be grateful to you for that. And now I need to…’ She backed away a few steps. ‘I need to walk by myself for a bit. Please, please don’t follow me.’ And without looking at him, she turned and walked up the snowy path as fast as she could without slipping and breaking her neck.
* * *
‘Mum, he’s been! The letter must have worked. He knew I was in Italy and he’s brought all my presents here.’ Dragging a long, colourful sock behind him Max came charging into her bedroom and Liv sat up and smiled. It was Christmas morning and she was gritty-eyed from lack of sleep and her head felt as though someone was attacking it from the inside with a pick axe.
‘That’s great, Max.’ She glanced towards the window. ‘What time is it? Max, it’s dark out there!’
‘No, it’s not. It’s snowed again but Stefano says it’s going to be a beautiful day and when we’ve opened our presents he’s taking us on a special sleigh ride. It has bells and everything. Are you coming, Mum? The twins and I are going to open our stockings in front of the fire. You don’t want to miss it.’ Jumping with excitement, he trailed the bulging stocking out of her bedroom and Liv slid out of bed and dressed slowly, knowing that she couldn’t avoid seeing Stefano.
When she’d eventually returned to the chalet from her walk on the previous day, there had been no sign of him and Isabella had told her that he’d gone skiing with his father for the day.
So Liv and Max had spent the day with Isabella and her two sons, and her husband had arrived from work in Milan and it had been fun. Together they’d prepared the elaborate Christmas Eve dinner and somehow she’d been so busy that she’d managed to bury her disappointment and her silly fantasies and enjoy herself. His family was warm and demonstrative and at least she hadn’t had to look Stefano in the face.
When he and his father had finally returned there had been so much activity and bustle in the chalet that there had been no awkward moments, no intimate opportunities for the two of them to be alone or for him to respond to what she’d said to him in that frozen, solitary moment when she’d bared her soul.
It would be the same today, she told herself as she pulled on the soft cashmere jumper he’d bought her only a few weeks earlier. It would be a busy family day with no opportunity for private moments and then tomorrow they’d be going home to England.
And then she’d rent a flat of her own, forget about Italian millionaires and try and get on with her life.
The next couple of hours passed in a blur of excited squeals, wrapping paper and laughter as everyone passed around presents and Isabella and Stefano’s grandmother served breakfast.
Stefano had given Max tickets to see a football match at the famous San Siro stadium in Milan and the little boy was speechless with excitement. ‘So we’re coming back to Italy? Wow, that is so cool.’
‘It’s certainly cool,’ Isabella agreed cheerfully. ‘Minus five today. Make sure you wrap up when you go out.’
Liv glanced at Stefano, grateful that he was obviously intending to carry on spending time with her son and seriously worried as to how she’d be able to maintain a simple friendship with him without making a fool of herself.
Liv handed Max her present to him and found herself with a lump in her throat as he ripped open the paper and found the football boots. ‘Oh, Mum…’ For a moment he couldn’t speak and then he looked at her, eyes shining. ‘You’re just the best and I love you.’ He flung his arms around her and Liv hugged him tightly, reminding herself of what was important in life. She had her lovely, wonderful son and Stefano clearly didn’t mean to stop seeing the boy just because they weren’t together any more and she was grateful for that. She was lucky. Really lucky.
Max sprinted back to the Christmas tree. ‘I’ve got presents for you and Stefano.’ He lifted up two haphazardly wrapped parcels and handed one to Stefano and one to Liv. ‘I made them.’
Liv glanced at Stefano, hoping that he wouldn’t wince when he saw his present.
He opened it carefully and pulled out a childish drawing of a car.
‘It’s your Ferrari. I went down to the garage and copied it. That nice security man helped me.’ Max watched him anxiously, gauging his reaction. ‘I’m not sure I got the nose right.’
Stefano was silent for a moment and then he cleared his throat. ‘The nose is perfect,’ he said huskily. ‘Thank you.’
The fact that he was so careful with Max’s feelings somehow made everything seem even worse and Liv dipped her head and concentrated on opening her own present. ‘Oh Max…’ She lifted the painted pasta necklace from the wrapping. ‘It’s beautiful.’ Slipping it over her head, she smiled at him and his eyes shone with pride.