“Hating?”
“Using words like stones.”
“She said I was using her to get into your pants. What you and I have—that’s separate. I wanted her to trust me. I wanted her to like me. Not because of you, but because she’s my daughter.”
“I know. You need to not pay too much attention to what she said.”
“What? How?” There was a sheen of sweat on his brow. “That’s a terrible accusation and she is wrong.”
“Teenagers say that kind of thing sometimes. I hate you. No one loves me. I hate my life. She doesn’t hate you. That’s not what’s going on here.”
He ran his hand over his face. “How do you deal with it?”
“I lie awake at night anxious. Long after she has forgotten it, I’m still worrying about it.”
Scott shook his head in disbelief. “So what are we supposed to do? I need to tell her she’s wrong.”
“Let me talk to her first.” Lauren fastened her seat belt, her hands shaking. “Can you drive me home?”
“Shouldn’t we talk to her together?”
“Scott, she saw me kissing you. Talking to her together would be the worst thing we could do right now. She’s feeling vulnerable and isolated. She feels as if I’ve betrayed her. And Ed.”
His gaze met hers. “I was the one who kissed you.”
“That makes no difference.”
“What are you going to say to her? You can’t tell her there’s nothing between us, Laurie, because that wouldn’t be true.”
“She isn’t ready to deal with the idea of me diving into a new relationship. I’m not ready for it either!” What had she been thinking?
“This isn’t a new relationship. I’m her father, Lauren. It can hardly come as a surprise to her that we have feelings for each other.”
What were her feelings? She didn’t even know. “What we feel doesn’t matter. She isn’t going to be able to handle it.”
“Wait—” his voice sounded hoarse “—you’re saying you’re never going to have another relationship in case it upsets our daughter?”
“Eventually, maybe, one day—” she faltered. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m saying. I feel guilty and confused and right now like a seriously bad person. I can’t see you again, Scott. I mean, of course I’ll see you—this is a small island—but I can’t—we shouldn’t—not like this—”
Of all the things she’d thought about over the past six months, plunging into another relationship hadn’t even been on the list. But he was right of course. This relationship wasn’t new. Feelings had been stored deep, lain dormant, but they were still there. There was a deep, unshakable connection between them that was impossible to ignore.
She’d been worried she might fall in love with him again, but she realized now that she’d never fallen out of love.
She knew exactly what her feelings were and the reality filled her with despair.
He clearly felt the same way. “So that’s it? This is it?”
She was trembling.
“I guess it is.” She’d let him go once before and that had been hard. How much harder was it going to be this time? “It has to be.”
33
Mack
Contrite: full of guilt or regret; remorseful
Mack abandoned her bike in the garden of the Sail Loft and ran through to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.