“It’s not only that I feel guilty about Ed, there’s Mack to think about.”
Prevaricate: avoid giving a direct answer or firm decision.
“Mack is doing great. She’s in better shape than you are. So tell me the truth. What’s the real reason you’re holding back? Because I’m sure this is your decision and not Scott’s.”
They’d reached the car and Lauren stopped.
“I guess I’m scared.”
“Scared of what?” For a moment Jenna couldn’t breathe. This was her sister. Her sister who never used to be afraid of anything. “Scared you might lose him the way you lost Ed?”
“No. Well, maybe a little—” Lauren bit her lip. “It’s more that I’m afraid to let myself fall in love with him again. Or maybe I’ve always been in love with him and I’m afraid that if I admit it, I won’t be able to handle what happens next.”
Jenna hesitated. “You’re worried he might walk away like he did the first time?”
She saw the flash of anguish in her sister’s eyes and wondered if she’d been wrong to encourage the relationship. What if Lauren became involved with Scott and he let her down again?
Lauren gave a wan smile. “I guess that’s part of it. I’ve taken all the emotional battering I can take for a while. Oh—” She broke off as Jenna wrapped her arms around her. “What’s that for?”
“For love. For protection. For courage.” Jenna held her sister tightly. Love was all about risk, wasn’t it? And some risks were worth taking. “Remember when you used to drag me on all those adventures when we were young? I was terrified! I always tried to stop you doing it, but when that didn’t work, I went along anyway. And I did it because it was my job to look out for you, the same way you looked out for me. No matter what trouble you found yourself in, I was there for you and I still am. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. None of us does. But I’ll be there for you the whole way. That hasn’t changed. The only thing that has changed is that this time I’m the one urging you to take the risk. You’re holding back from the one thing that’s going to make you happy, Lauren.” And if Scott hurt Lauren again, she’d kill him with her bare hands.
“I’ll think about it.”
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“You’ll do more than think about it.” Jenna nudged her toward the car. “Go, before that serious-faced yoga instructor with the incredibly annoying voice comes and drags us back. Given my track record behind the wheel, you’d better be the getaway driver.”
35
Lauren
Evolution: a process of gradual development in a
particular situation or thing over a period of time
June melted into July, bringing with it crowds of people. The island attracted everyone from artists to presidents. Some came to spend time in the cafés, restaurants and galleries of Edgartown, others came for the landscape and the beaches.
Lauren slept with the windows open and drifted off to sleep with the sound of the ocean in her head and the cool salt breeze on her face.
The ache and the sadness came and went like the tide.
One minute she’d be fine, and the next hardly able to breathe, but somehow she forced herself to keep going.
During the mornings she focused on Coastal Chic. Thanks to the loan from Scott, she’d been able to take on a couple of clients and so far it was going well.
She had enough to keep her going into the winter months.
Work was great. Her mother was happy, and Mack was doing well.
Lauren was the only one who seemed to be struggling.
She missed Ed. She missed Scott. Then she felt guilty for thinking about Scott when she was still sad about Ed.
Her brain felt like a roundabout and she had no idea how to stop it spinning.
“Mom?”
Lauren glanced up from her laptop as she heard Mack’s voice. “I’m upstairs.” As her mother no longer used it as a studio, Lauren was using it as an office. She still hoped that her mother might paint canvases again at some point, but right now she seemed to be pouring all her artistic, creative urges into painting houses and designing gardens.