She blinked several times, frustrated that tears should threaten now. ‘No, Alessio, it isn’t a yes. How can it be a yes?’

‘Because it’s what you want.’

‘No,’ Lindsay said quietly. ‘It isn’t. I don’t want a relationship that’s based on sex. This morning I slipped and said “I love you” and that’s something that you just don’t want to hear.’

‘You’re probably more comfortable with those words than I am. I expect you heard “I love you” when you were growing up,’ he said gruffly. ‘I didn’t.’

Lindsay was silent for a moment. ‘Let me tell you the truth about my parents’ relationship.’ She took a deep breath and plunged. ‘They weren’t happily married at all. In fact, I don’t have a single memory that involves them being happy. I didn’t hear “I love you”. They shared a powerful chemistry and very little else.’ She gave a painful smile. ‘That chemistry seemed to stop them from acting sensibly. They’d separate and then get back together and then separate again—they couldn’t stop having sex, but they couldn’t bear each other’s company outside the bedroom.’ She broke off and glanced at him, but his handsome face was expressionless as he listened.

‘Go on.’

She shrugged. ‘Even at the age of seven I used to think to myself, “Why don’t the two of you try talking to each other?” But they just never did. It was hideous. For five minutes it would be delirious happiness because Daddy was home—then they’d vanish to the bedroom and a few hours later the rows would start again.’

‘And you witnessed the rows.’

‘Rows, sex—my parents didn’t seem to think we needed protecting from what was going on. I think they were little more than children themselves.’ Lindsay sighed. ‘I don’t know which was worse—their rows or their divorce. Ruby was the result of one of my parents’ many abortive attempts at reconciliation. It didn’t work. In fact, having Ruby made things worse. The responsibility of a young baby made it harder for my mother to have a relationship with Dad, so she just abdicated responsibility.’

‘So who looked after her?’

Lindsay brushed a speck of dust from her skirt. ‘I did.’

Alessio frowned. ‘You were seven years old. How could you possibly look after a baby?’

‘I’d been looking after myself for several years,’ Lindsay told him quietly. ‘I just included Ruby in everything I did. I did our washing. I cooked our meals. I hugged her when she cried. Fortunately my school was round the corner so I used to nip home in between lessons and at lunchtime.’

‘That explains why you worry about her so much. I often thought you behaved more like a mother than a sister.’

Lindsay rubbed the tips of her fingers over her forehead. ‘She actually started to call me Mum when she was about two, but I didn’t let her. I wanted her to know that I was her sister, not her Mum. I was too young to understand it all myself, but I think I knew instinctively that she had enough emotional problems without growing up thinking I was her mother.’ She looked at him and shrugged. ‘It was a mess. I probably didn’t handle it right—’

‘I think you are incredible,’ he said softly and Lindsay faltered, touched by his praise.

‘I don’t know. Ruby was left very traumatised by the whole thing and I was too young to know how to deal with that. My solution was to smother her in love, but that didn’t compensate for the damage done to her confidence and feeling of security. The divorce almost finished her off because Mum blamed her for the whole thing. If she hadn’t had Ruby—oh, you can imagine the sort of things she said.’

‘I don’t think I want to. And what about you, Lindsay? You’ve talked a lot about your sister and the effect it had on her.’ His voice was low. ‘What about the effect it had on you?’

For a moment she didn’t answer. Then she stirred. ‘Well, it made me interested in psychology. And it has taught me that passion isn’t a good basis for a marriage. But you already know that. You see that every day in your work.’

‘So you want a marriage without passion?’ His incredulous tone made her laugh.

‘No. No, I don’t want that. I’m far too greedy to settle for that.’ She met his gaze. ‘Which is why I’m turning down your invitation. But thank you.’ She smiled. ‘Thank you for asking.’

‘Greedy? What is it that you want?’

‘Oh—’ she leaned her head back against her seat, her expression wistful ‘—the whole dream. I want the passion, yes. But I also want a man who excites me in other ways—a man who is going to love me for who I am, who’ll stick with me when things get difficult and who will genuinely care about me.’ She glanced at him and shrugged, trying to laugh at herself. ‘And that, I suppose, is why I’m still single and likely to stay that way.’

‘Lindsay—’

She held up a hand because the whole thing was hard enough without him trying to persuade her. ‘Don’t say anything else. I don’t regret what happened between us, if that’s what you want to know. In the end you won, Alessio. I couldn’t resist you. But I’d do the whole thing again in a moment. You’ve changed the way I look at the past—made me understand things about myself that I didn’t really understand before.’ She frowned. ‘I can’t forgive Mum for the way she treated Ruby, but at least now I understand a little bit more about how passion can take over.’ She blinked several times. ‘I can see the runway lights. We’re about to land.’

It was over.

CHAPTER TEN

TWO weeks later, driven to the point of combustion by yet another wealthy, demanding client, Alessio strode out of the glass meeting room towards the lift.

What the hell was the matter with him?

He used to relish the mental stimulation of his job, but since his return from the Caribbean it had been nothing but a source of irritation.

Tags: Sarah Morgan Billionaire Romance
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