She was too scared of losing everything.
She’d made his family her own because that way she could have all that without risking her heart.
And he understood why Jackson had wanted him to stay clear of her.
His brother was right. He was entirely the wrong sort of man for a woman like her.
“Pascal Laroche might be a brilliant chef but he’s obviously a pathetic excuse for a human being. I want to operate on him without an anesthetic.” With a supreme effort of will, he let her go. “Have you had any relationships since him?”
“You know I have.”
“I’m not talking about sex. I’m talking about intimacy.”
There was just enough light left for him to see the color streak across her cheeks. “I don’t want that.”
“What about just having some fun? Dinner in a restaurant? A night at the opera?”
“People do that when they’re dating and want to get to know someone. I don’t want that. I can’t have that. Love blinded me. I saw what I wanted to see. I gave all of myself, everything. I won’t do it again.”
But she’d done it with his family. She’d taken that love that she was too afraid to give to a man, and she’d given it unreservedly to the O’Neils. She’d found somewhere she felt safe and she’d hidden herself there, wrapped in the warmth of his family.
He ached for her. “It’s the reason you walked away after the party.”
“I don’t usually spend two nights with a man. It shook me.”
It had shaken him, too.
The desire to haul her back into his arms was overwhelming but he knew that would be the wrong thing to do. Exercising willpower he didn’t know he possessed, he slid down inside his sleeping bag. She did the same and the wriggling treated him to a glimpse of shoulder, a hint of breast and a smile, complete with dimple.
“It is a good job it was you on this trip and not Tyler. If I’d said all that to him I would have killed him dead. He would rather wrestle a bear than listen to a woman unload her emotions.”
But they both knew she never would have said any of that to Tyler. She’d never said it to anyone before.
For some reason, knowing that warmed him. “Get some sleep. You need to rest. If a bear comes in the night I expect you to protect me so you need energy.”
“You’re still trying to persuade me you don’t know how to survive in the wilderness? It’s too late for that. I know the truth.”
“Maybe you don’t. Aren’t you scared the tent will collapse on you in the night?”
“You already know what scares me. I just told you.” She lay facing him, snuggled inside the sleeping bag. “What about you? What scares you, Dr. O’Neil?”
The thought of hurting her.
She was lying there, her gaze fixed on his face, waiting for his answer.
“What scares me? The thought of ruining my favorite suit. Get some rest.” He closed his eyes even though he knew he wouldn’t sleep. Not now. His head was full of what she’d told him and he lay there in silence, thinking about how her life must have been and wondering how she’d managed to come through it so strong and whole.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ÉLISE WOKE WRAPPED in her sleeping bag with the feeling of exhaustion that followed an outpouring of emotion. She hadn’t cried, and that was good, but still she felt drained and empty.
And vulnerable.
What had possessed her to tell Sean so much? She’d never told anyone the whole story before, not even Jackson.
Merde, she’d shared her innermost secrets. Her feelings. Her emotions. Her life.
All of it.