“But then, Edward, you fancied that you loved me. And the earl, in his own right, believed it too.”
“How can you defend that bastard? By God, Cassie, I begin to think your wits are gone awry. Is it not enough that you carry the man’s child?”
They were arguing senselessly, hurtfully. Cassie wished she could somehow weave her thoughts so that Edward would understand. “We are tearing at each other, Edward, and to no purpose. If I pose you one question, will you reply honestly?”
He hesitated, and his hazel eyes narrowed in frustration. “If you insist upon this ridiculous game, Cassie, very well.”
“How do you feel about being a father to another man’s child?”
“Since I have no choice in the matter, I will learn to accept it. It is your child, as well as his.”
She said very quietly, “You would probably begin to hate me for it and the child.”
“So now you will accuse me of cruelty.” He rose abruptly and paced away from her. He turned suddenly, his face hard. “I would that you keep your woman’s vacillating emotions to yourself. We will do what is right, and that’s an end to it.”
“That is probably one good reason why we would never suit, Edward. I refuse to be dictated to. I assure you that you would pull your hair out—or mine—at my stubbornness. As to my woman’s emotions, I would ask that you examine your own feelings—without that cold rock of duty weighing down your heart.” She knew by the sudden dazed look in his eyes that he was at last thinking of Jenny.
“You were granted the opportunity to see me as I really am, Edward. The idealized girl you lost need exist no more. Perhaps some day soon you will thank me, Edward, for I have rid you of a ghost.” And myself as well.
He paced again in front of her, the muscles of his lean jaw clenching and unclenching. Finally he turned to her, his face rigidly set.
“I think, Cassandra—”
Don’t call me that, only he used my full name.
“—that you have closed your heart to men after the vile treatment you received at the earl’s hands. The nights we have spent together have been a trial for you. I am not stupid or insensitive to your feelings, you know. I will give you all the time you need. I will make no physical demands on you, unless you wish it.”
She stared at him, knowing the effort it had cost him to once again push Jenny from his mind. He would give up anything, even his life, for his sacred honor.
At her continued silence, he said sharply, “Dammit, Cassie, you need not fear me. I am no ravisher of women. If you will but recall, it was you who invited me to your bed.”
“I do not fear you, Edward, and you are quite correct, of course. I wanted you to make love to me because I believed you wanted me, that you still loved me. It was a way, a stupid way, I know, to try to bind us together again.”
“What do you mean you believed that I still loved you?”
There, it was said. She drew a resolute breath. “You were ever a bad liar, Edward. I know that you are not in love with me, and you will not deny it if you still feel anything for me at all.”
His face paled.
“It is this wretched country,” he said at last, his voice low and taut. “Once we are in England again, everything will right itself. I have known you all your life, Cassie, and have always held you dear. Can you imagine that would ever change?”
“No, I believe that you would always be kind toward me. But you are being a statesman, Edward, and are trying to avoid confronting a truth that makes you feel the dishonorable man.”
“This passes all bounds, Cass. For God’s sake, do you count respect, likeness in taste and background, as naught? What if there is no longer a grand passion between us? I assure you that neither of us will die of misery.” He ran his fingers through his carefully powdered hair and grunted in disgust at the white flecks on his hand. He felt stabbing anger at her, even though the words grand passion had stuck in his throat as he uttered them. Damn her. She had returned from the grave to reclaim him and now, when he insisted upon doing precisely as he had assumed she wished, she was ranting ridiculous nonsense to him about his not loving her. Jenny’s image, her velvety green eyes dazed with passion, took hold of his mind. “Damn all women to the devil.”
He reached for his sword and buckled it on. “I am going out, Cassie. Perhaps by the time I have returned, you will have come to your senses.”
“Edward, I have come to my senses.” She rose to face him. “I am sailing next week for England. I know you cannot accept my reasons, but my mind is made up. I hope you can forgive me, Edward.”
He seemed suspended for a moment by the finality in her voice. He turned on his heel without answering her, and walked from the room.
“You’ll be the most beautiful lady at the general’s ball,” Mrs. Beatty said, her thin voice enthusiastic as she gently tugged two thick curls over Cassie’s bare shoulder. “’Tis wise that you do not cover your hair with that nasty powder. It’s all the rage, I know, but such a mess it makes. At least it’s not raining anymore. March is a saucy month. Not like July. Now that’s the time to shut all the shutters to stay cool.”
Cassie smiled absently at Mrs. Beatty’s speech, content to let her cluck on as she worked, as was her habit.
Mrs. Beatty helped Cassie step into a pale blue silk gown, the only one she had brought from Genoa at all suitable for a formal gathering. “Och, it’s tight across your bosom, m’lady and that part of you can’t be sucked in.”
Cassie stared at herself in the long, narrow mirror. Her breasts blossomed above the tiny row of white lace that gathered above the plunging bodice. She tried to tug it upward, but the stiff stomacher held the gown rigidly in place. She sighed. At least her waistline did not yet tell a tale.